So, I have never blogged before, but I'm feeling some sort of way today and I thought I would share it. It's too long to write in a status update, so here goes.
I have a love hate relationship with every amusement park I have ever been to. As the screen name suggest, I'm fluffy. However, I have never had a concern about if my booty will fit in a ride. I really don't have all that much of a booty. That usually makes :( but when it comes to situations like this, I'm totally ok with getting from that side of the family tree. I also have a pretty small waist for my size which gives me curves that I love if I'm standing facing the mirror. My issues is my boobs. I have huge boobs. Now, I know some of you out there are thinking so do I hunny, and I'm sure you do. I'm not going to share my cup size, but I will say these 4 facts: I was a C cup in 3rd grade. I have never been able to shop at Victoria's Secret's for bras. I cannot simply walk into a store and by a bra, even the big girl stores. I have googled sports bras in my cup size and Google laughed at me.
So, when it comes to amusement parks, if there is an over the shoulder harness involved, I get panicky. Let me tell you why. My first "dear sweet Jesus they look great to guys, but these b****es are gonna get me killed" moment: At 19 years of age a friend and I had decided to go on a spur of the moment vacation. We had both purchased new cars, lost weight and actually had a weekend off. We went to Virginia Beach. There is an amusement park there with this ride called the Skyscraper. We decided to ride it. It cost $20 per ticket I believe, to ride this giant pendulum. There were 2 seats on either end and it literally just swung you in a circle, stopped, went the opposite direction and then it was over. Not really worth $20 from the looks of things but after the ride was over I could see why. You were paying for your coffin. I've jumped ahead. So, we decide to do this. This friend and I were total opposite body types. She had no boobs. Zero. Nada. Yet, she had booty for days. As we are getting strapped into this ride. They tie her in first using a series of seat belt looking things and a harness. Then it's my turn. The man literally put his foot up on the seat and pulled. I couldn't breathe. My friends only discomfort was he strapped her long, thick, curly blonde hair behind her back *eye roll* He apologized and said he didn't know if I wanted to ride because he didn't feel like it was tight enough even though he couldn't get a finger in the straps. I decided to ride anyway. Everything went wrong from the word go! We started off going forward first. I immediately started sliding out of the seat. I call to my friend who is laughing and giggling and thus not hearing me. Great. Finally the ride stops at the top. She looks over. She says "OMG you're white! What's wrong?!" I explain to her that I’m falling out of the seat and when she looks down she's says "Your butt is half way off! Try and scoot back." I did and only ended up sliding more forward. I don't know how, but it happened ok?! Anyway! The ride began to roll backwards. This kept me in my chair for the duration but when the ride shook to a stop I fell out of the chair being held in place by my boobs, which were now up to my nose and the inch of seat below me. Oddly enough, the one guy gave me his number. Gee... thanks.
My second moment came at the age of 26. This time it was a family vacation in Florida. My mother (a minister), my sister (a sinner), my nephew and my 18 month old daughter all go to visit my twin brother. We go to Universal Studios and my brother asks me to ride the Rip Ride Rockit . Sure, why not. We get on this ride and the attendant says, "ma'am, I'm not sure if you're gonna fit." Let me tell you now, those at the most embarrassing words you will ever hear... Then he makes the international symbol for boobs. Yep... I was done. Everything in me wanted to smack his teenaged face off. His boss comes over and he assures me I'm fine and pushes the harness down. It doesn't click. So, again, he uses his foot and I hear the thing click ONCE. Before I could say anything like, "I'm cool. Been there done this once before. I like my life. Lemme off." the ride takes off. I select Gloria Gainer's 'I Will Survive" to listen to on my ride. Ok, this ride takes you out of the gate up a 90 degree hill. I spent the whole climb trying to fight gravity and my v neck top. I literally, yet again was, trying not to be smothered. Finally after what seems like forever the ride starts down hill. I started to fall out of the seat again. Thank goodness you're in your own little pod because I had my feel pushing against the bottom of the ride almost as if I were standing up. The ride ends and I'm breathing a sigh of relief. It was actually not so bad. THEN... comes the photo area. While nothing was exposed that would give it an X rating... There were people covering their children’s eyes. Most were giggling. I was mortified. My brother was disgusted. My sister was in hysterics. My nephew ran and sat on a bench with my daughter. My mother was calm and simply said "at least you didn't give yourself 2 black eyes" before giggling away after her grandchildren. Throughout the rest of the day I would get random pointing at and a few waves. Fortunately, having a twin brother that is very fit helps to keep the boob chasers at bay. Another historic day for me.
So I tell you this because I am supposed to go to an amusement park tomorrow with my now 4 year old and my mother. We always have a good time but I have avoided riding anything with a harness. Most of the time we ride in kiddieland, so no big deal. However, they have a new ride and I want to ride it. It had the shoulder harness. I'm feeling all type of maybe-ish about it because while I haven't lost a ton of weight I have lost quite a few inches. I am debating how brave I am. Well, really how much embarrassment I can take. Do I risk another foot ordeal and death in the hope that I can get it to click without assistance? Do I just wait until next summer and pray I'm a size (or 3) smaller? Ugh...