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Converting the Heathen

In the beginning of your fitness journey (Come on, we all mean weight loss, who are we fooling.), there is a lot of self-doubt and insecurity surrounding your ability to make this whole thing happen. Two days in you get mugged by a donut in the break room at work and your shopping cart automatically turns down the cookie aisle. Stage 1 is hell.

Then there is Stage 2 where you trip skinny people on the escalator because you are jealous.

If you stick with it until Stage 3, a light goes on. Like the time you walked an hour to earn 320 calories and ate it back with two Girl Scout cookies!

The transformation begins to happen; you start to notice what everyone else is doing wrong when it comes to their food and exercise. New reformers are a pain the butt to those around them. I know I was.

Here is some stuff I would say/do when I was in Stage 3:
- When I saw someone pouring a gallon of Ranch dressing on their diet salad I would say, "I've been to Hidden Valley and they have live stock - umm which poops - I am not sure if that is what those little black specs are."

- When the party next to me at Golden Corral is eating a tray of baby back ribs I would be tempted to say, "Did you know that pork is supposed to be cooked until it reaches an internal temperature of 160 degrees F? No, it's true."

- When I see someone drinking Diet Coke I would speak up and say, "Did you know if you leave a penny in that stuff overnight it will shine like new in the morning? And if you do it with a couple of quadrillion pennies you could make a shiny dent in the national US national debt."

- I would sit in the drive-thru at McDonalds and scare away business with fake vomit on my car door or put fake cow patties at the entrance to Burger King.

- When I would see someone at the salad bar filling their plate with bacon bits and croutons, I just sneezed in their direction. "You probably should get another plate."

- At Thanksgiving I would drop the gravy and the mashed potatoes on the floor for the dogs. "Sorry folks, just turkey, green beans and creamed onions which no one eats anyway."

- At Christmas I bought everyone new underwear that was one size too small.

- I put vitamins in a Ghirardelli bag and resealed it at Walmart.

- I put celery and carrots in trick-or-treat bags on Halloween.

- On date night I night I pretended the car ran out of gas in front of Whole Foods.

- At the dentist I would wear a fake tooth and talk about chocolate in the waiting room with the other patients.

- Post recipes on Facebook.

Nah, not really - well except for the recipes. I am shy, so you are safe.

So what do you do to convince others to try your way of life?

Thanks for the votes and comments (you can do both)!

50 votes + -


sherry0614 wrote 6 months ago:
Well, I'm still at Stage 2, so now I'm looking forward to the fake vomit stage - yeah, baby!!!!
izzybelle2013 wrote 6 months ago:
You never disappoint!
aliciaaw wrote 6 months ago:
Can't wait till I get to stage 2& 3. As all with I enjoy reading your blog. Need to get to that mental stage that I need to lose weight for myself and my health.
TrishasTime wrote 6 months ago:
You make this journey to a healthy life extremely interesting
bmeadows380 wrote 6 months ago:
I must be in stage four, because now I just keep my opinions to myself because I'm tired of the family giving me an eyeroll and listening to my father and sister's complaints when I try to cook healthy for them or my mother's little comments. It makes it harder to keep on track since they don't support my efforts, but so far I haven't started gaining back. And once I'm back into my own place, it will be easier - and hopefully I'll survive the holidays and find some new motivation come New Years!
Wysewoman53 wrote 6 months ago:
I must be at Stage 4, too, because I see all these people around me going with this fad diet or that one, joining Diet Centers such as Monarch or Jenny Craig, getting food delivered by Nurisystem and Marie Osmond, all in the hopes of a 'magic' cure for overeating and overeating unhealthily and I say nothing because I know for some of these people, it's what they need at the moment to get started. I am all for anything that will get people started on a healthier journey to weight loss and therefore a healthier lifestyle. I love it when people ask me which 'diet' I'm on and I just tell them a healthy one with portion control and foods that are good for me, inside and out. I also tell them I eat whatever I want and for those who didn't know me BEFORE my weight loss, it is hysterical to hear them say: Well, look at you. You're one of those who can eat whatever they want and never gain a pound. IF ONLY THEY KNEW! Lol! Try explaining 'Willpower' to someone and they immediately start thinking negative instead of positive. It can be used both ways and I have CHOSEN to use it in a positive way. Oh, the looks I get! If I had a nickle for every time someone told me I was one of the 'lucky' ones....
Strife_Jones wrote 6 months ago:
Lol! This made me giggle!

If I walk past someone and they are eating donuts (or anything unhealthy) I would quietly whisper to my husband "POISON" ... technically they are putting poison into their bodies.

I walk outside during my breaks at work instead of just sitting in the break room. When someone at work offers me chocolates I politely decline and say something like "I just walked off 100 calories in my break, definitely not putting them back in with that chocolate" LOL!

One of the young guys at work had 2 double sausage McMuffins with TWO Fanta orange drinks for breakfast and then went ahead and ordered a large pizza for lunch and had some cake! I added up all the calories for him (over 5000) and since then he has been eating healthier at work ... whahahahaha
JnineGains wrote 6 months ago:
Bughunter99 wrote 6 months ago:
Does telling the family, "if you don't like it, the stove is that way-knock yourself out" Count?

Signed Stage 1: Day 1 and online looking for dinner ideas that don't suck
Teli2017 wrote 6 months ago:
reading this i just light bulbed what i'm doing right now hahaha . MFP's turned me into a walking food calculator.

my long suffering husband is an absolute angel for supporting me!

always enjoy your comments, thank you!
Amanda_Brit_Expat wrote 6 months ago:
Hahaha thank you! Enjoyed reading this so much! I don't have any funny ones to share unfortunately, but I am that pita on facebook groups who will comment on a pseudoscience 'wonder cure' with "Awesome! Can you just link to the scientific study that back this up pls? Many thanks xxx"
Yes, I can be a bit of a jerk...
JeromeBarry1 wrote 6 months ago:
To convince others to try my way of life, I go about my life being slim. My relatives knew me when I was fat and they were slim. Now it's reversed and they want to know why.
LisaMariaCallow wrote 6 months ago:
I post a lot of selfies, recipes, above I've got a wellness inspired page!
Namaste_Life wrote 6 months ago:
Love, love, love this!!! Thank~you for the laugh (because much of it is true) this morning :-)
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ILoveGingerNut wrote 6 months ago:
you made my choke on my dinner :)
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