New Rules of Weight Loss for Middle Aged Fat Men
2. don't talk about fight.... wait, wrong post. Ignore that.
3. You must burn more calories than you take in.
4. Grown men do not survive on juice alone.
5. As you lose weight, you must always, and I can't stress this enough, wear a belt. If not, for God's sake, wear underwear. There are still several people traumatized from a parking lot incident outside of Atlanta last spring.
6. Walking is not slacking. There is no such thing as too easy of an exercise.
7. Ensure that your wife or girl friend is on birth control. Just because you feel younger and more spry does not mean you are dying to be a dad right now. Right Mark?
8. Get a big furry hat with horns on it. Just trust me on this.
9. Cardio and lifting are both important. One burns more, the other keeps you strong.
10. You are not 18. Do not compare yourself to when you were 18. The engine has more miles on it. Just because you feel better than you have in years, you are not working with the same joints you had then.
11. The cute college girl in the gym is not going to look at you that way, even if you do max out on the bench press and grunt a lot. You are old.
12. If you need motivation, remember, they say that for every 30 pounds you lose you gain an inch where it really counts. Best Non-Scale Victory EVER.
13. Just because you get back down to the size you were in high school does not mean that the aqua-marine parachute pants in your closet have come back in style. Just don't.
14. You sweat like a pig. Wipe down the damn equipment!
15. Diet is the key. You can be a beast in the gym, but if you eat 4000 calories of cheeseburgers in a sitting, all the gym time won't help that much.
16. Know that the only person in that gym that is looking down on your attempts, is you. Every other person in the world worth knowing is supporting you. No matter how out of shape you are now.
17. Beer is not evil. It is proof that God loves us.
18. No matter how buff you get, a bad attitude will still cause women to shun you.
19. Take pictures at every step. Especially at the beginning when you can't stand to look at them. As you make progress, they will be a huge motivator. Not taking before pictures is just planning to fail.
20. Get out more. Push your limits. Do things you haven't been able to do, or were embarrassed to do. Take your life back.
21. This process does not have an expiration date. This is a long term change. Until you look at it that way and let go of some behaviors, you will have problems.
22. Chicks dig muscles.
23. Brag on your accomplishments. Be confident that they are real and that you want others to see them. Stop hiding.
24. Did I mention the 30 pounds = 1 inch part?
25. The bigger you are, the more important a good pair of shoes are. As you lose weight, the lateral stresses on your ankles and arches will decrease and you can be more forgiving of old footwear. In the beginning, spend the money.
26. Deodorant before the gym, seriously. But please say no on the cologne and body spray.
27. No amount of weight loss will make you pretty. You either got it or you don't.
28. You aren't getting any younger, what are you waiting for? A near death experience?
29. Find people (like on MFP) that know where you are coming from. Find ones at the same place you are so you can spur each other on, and find ones that have already lost the weight and learn from them.
30. On a similar note, just because a guy or girl has abs, does not mean they don't have the answers and don't know where you are coming from. Just because they didn't let it go to the extreme that you did does not negate their knowledge.
31. Worrying about things like loose skin, getting bulky, or any other "problem" that could come from weight loss is a straw man. It is an early attempt to make excuses and rationalize quitting if you don't think you can do it.
32. The only thing that food fixes, is a bad Super Bowl party.