Commander38's Blog

I cant do this without my family supporting me!

Ya know what? I used this crutch many many many times and failed as many times!

 This time was much different tho.You see, I am about to marry into one of the most hardcore southern baptist families living in a small town! Now show of hands.... Who knows what that means??  Yup that's right... Sunday dinners after church, reunions, birthdays, funerals  ( Funerals are the WORST!) pig pickins, and the list goes on.  First, all of these events are always the size of a small wedding party. (30+)  and the staples are:  Mac and cheese, Bisuits and gravy, Cornbread, Stuffing, meat, BBQ, and on and on and on..  So I know a thing or two about family support. (or lack of it)

But as our Team motto says:  #NoExcusesLetsGo  No excuses means just that!

The first couple of weeks were hell. Pure unadulterated HELL! Even with the "oh it won't kill you just once" crap. I always told them, "Look i won't force my stuff on you so just let me do my thing and we'll be just fine" After a few events of me showing up with my little lunch bag,.People started noticing, I wasn't going to give in. I would bring "Steamers" (micro meals) and whenever I had to cook, I cooked healthy.  Corn on the cob, Greenbeans (Steamed) steamed mixed veggies, and an occasional turkey.  People still looked at me funny but I held strong.  I wasn't giving in. I even made a couple of my Commander Breakfast sandwiches and passed them out. I just wouldn't tell them how healthy they were. They LOVED THEM (ask me for the recipe)

After awhile things began to change. I noticed Tina would always make sure there was something I could eat at every event. Then her Mom also started asking ahead of time if I could have "such and such" and then I noticed they actually started changing the menus a bit. Sure the Mac and cheese and Bicuits will always be there, and I wouldn't want it to be different for them unless they want it.  But it is nice to see some movement in the buffet towards my lifestyle.

But to close this out. Now it's time to be blunt. "I cant do this without my family support"  to which I say BULLHOCKEY!!  Your family will not be following you on business trips, daily running, lunch meetings, Awards banquets, ball games etc etc etc. You can do this not because of family support. You're not making these changes for your family!! (and if you are we really need to talk deeper)  You are doing this so YOU feel better not them! If you cant do this, it's simply because you don't WANT to do this. if you want it badly enough...... YOU WILL come hell or high water!  Push on my team!  #NoExcusesLetsgo 

It's taken me weeks to get this to the computer screen. mainly because i have a message to get across, (shocking i know) and while I want it to hit and hit hard, I want to stop short of offending.  So today it hit me! so let's do it this way.  Letter form!!! Letting you know NOW  that some of this is real and me, and some of this is relavant and observed but not mine. It really doesn't matter which is which. It's a message. Take it or leave it. (but I hope it helps someone out there who needs it)

Dear Friend,

While reading your "critique" of my day, I became more and more enraged the further I read. To the point I was trying to figure out a new way to tear your tongue through my screen and clean my steamed up glasses with it.  May I just say.....

You don't know me... You really don't.  You only see the parts of my life I allow you to see. You may not know this, but I have overcome alot in 4 years. Divorce, being broke, homeless, maybe I lost my kid to a health issue, or even worse to war,Maybe I lost my job, and above all MY FRIENDS. You don't know that for 3.5 of those 4 years I worked 20hr days 7 days a week only to have about $200.00 a MONTH to eat on after the cost of the divorce.  I may have beaten cancer, I may have beaten worse. But you may only see what I allow you to see of my life. My life looks happy, perfect, and fufilled. I promise you it's far from it. In fact, I bet you didn't know the reason I ate cupcakes last week was because it was all THE FOODBANK could give me to survive on..... Ever donated??

So just to make sure I let you see what you are doing to me as well as others If I wanted to be the "fixit man" you attempt at being, lets just go have a  look at your day.   That salad dressing at the buffet, it's scooped in ladles ya know.  Did ya check to see if the ladle was exactly 2 tablespoons or did you do like me and scoop twice and spread?  Your workouts..... Are ya finishing up totally exhausted from the 5 minute walk with that dog to the mailbox, and in need of a shower before you get near anyone??  or did your flippin fitbit say you did enough for the day??

 The scale........you kill me... every stinking day.... it's up YAY....its down.GRRR ...its upside down  WTH???....  let me clue you... the reason everybody says stay away from the scale except weekly or monthly???  It's because a scale is merely an average... In order for it to be totally accurate weight daily, you would have to weigh your urine, your poop, your sweat lost, fluid intake, food to the ounce and any other reason you might weigh in differently on the scale each day. Did you fart three long times yesterday, well how many today?? I promise you....it will never make you happy weighing daily because it will never be THAT accurate. Go with it!!!

 Oh yeah... That part when you said "it's no wonder your ticker hasn't moved in two weeks"  Yeah???  hmmm before you go any further, re read the last paragraph and ask me when I weighed last.....  FOR THE LADIES:, Fear not!! You have my respect as well as my sympathies. Yes it is harder for ladies to lose weight than men.... Guys...just stop and think a minute. Ever thought about the fact that they have 50% of each month totally screwed from normal?? (Yeah a week before or after dudes.) hmm that calculates to about half as much time in a month to accomplish what we do doesn't it?? 2 out of 4 weeks won't be good news for them so praise the hell out of their accomplishments in the 2 good ones!!! Push them, motivate them, but Cut them some slack as well.

Ya know I could really put this one through the gate, but I want the main point of this blog to get accross.  

First of all, this happens every day.  To everybody at one point or another. Whether it's here, facebook, or where ever. It happens.  We need to put things into serious perspective.  We are not here to FIX everyone else. We are here to FIX ourselves!! For everyone else we are a support tool.  SHARING ideas, and working toward common goals.  We suffer from addictive personalities.

Yes I said it!!!! WE ARE...(gulp) ADDICTS!!

THIS IS our 12 step program of rehab.

Admitting we are powerless over being stupid with food when left by ourselves or at parties, or when it's cloudy, or when the day ends in....d-a-y.........

Came to believe a higher power could help restore us to sanity (Whether it's God, Buddha, Allah, Joe the Plumber, or even yes..... another MFP member. )

Congregated with like minded addicts to support each other.... 

I could go on. Yes, I am proud that I know of Bill W. (Founder  of AA) and the 12 step process of healing and recovery developed by him and Dr. Bob. These simple approaches have saved many lives over the years. and while I have been fortunate not to have needed it firsthand, I still studied it quite extensively in my younger years (Once as a school project)  My God people if any of you have a chip in your pocket, don't ever let me hear you say weight loss is too hard!  (Laughing) because you already have an advantage!! you know the simplicity of the steps to recovery  We need to be supportive of each other. BUT at the same time we need not lie to each other either. Follow these basic steps and watch people grow:

1) Be supportive in your comments. Even if the only positive thing you can say is: "I'm glad youre here because you helped ME today"  (Ever thought of that one??) remember that someones bad decisions can always make you reflect upon your days like that and how thankful you are that they are few and far between now. THANK THEM!!

2) Remember the beginning of this blog entry... You DON'T know ALL the circumstances. You only know what I ALLOW you to see..... Take this in mind before critiquing  

2) don't knit pick the diary.  if it's bad, ask them in a private email what you can do to help them make their goals? (Do they have one??) . Better yet, refer to #2  ^^^ Ask them if there's something you don't know about that you could help with??. ( I used to say call them out privately. I've changed my tune a bit)

3) and above all else, just like the 12 step programs always tout......Tell them to " Keep coming back! It works, if you work it!"

 My then Father in Law gave me some of the most SOUND, PROFOUND, and POWERFUL advice during my divorce to his daughter that to this day I cherish with my heart.  "You can lie, fib and color it up to everyone and make it all look good.....except to that man in the mirror, so if he's ok with it, then you are too!"

I have never forgotten that piece of advice, and it sometimes causes me to NOT comment when I see something just so blatantly obvious because they don't have to answer to me. They have to answer to the one in their mirror!  But...... I will close with this caveat.....  Don't ever ask me what's wrong if you don't want to hear the truth.  Because I would be the one you would send the above letter to!! 

I love all of you..... Now play nice, before I REALLY tell Y'ALL how I feel!  =)

(Note: yes Jess the Y'all was just for you!) 

Love,  Lee  (Commander38) 

First My Disclaimer:  If what you are doing is working, then I beg of you NOT to change it. However if you read this and you're stuck, I don't guarantee results. I only offer some fresh perspective.

Listen, How many times and I gonna hear the whole "Starvation Mode Argument"? How many times am I gonna hear the "Eat your burn" argument? and finally How many times are we gonna fight over the whole Scale vs No scale thing?? HELL IT'S LIKE POLITICS SOMETIMES!! Remember Dr. Amen's quote I shared with you? If one answer, and one diet worked for everyone, We'd all be thin! So Listen TEAM,

Stress and obsession will do nothing to motivate you. if anything it will KILL what you are trying to do. This whole business of Stavation mode and Eating your workout back? I'm NOT gonna go there. I'm not gonna debate it. and I don't want you to debate it with me either.For some it works, for others it doesn't and for the rest of us........ All i will say is there is TONS TONS TONS more documentation and proof that a calorie reduced balanced diet followed with exercise daily will lead to weight loss then the other theories that are everywhere. ( 5-6 meals, low carb, no bread, blah blah blah). Plain and simple. If you're diabetic, then monitor your carb and sugar intake as well as your calories. But this whole trying to find the perfect formula for weightloss and pulling BIG NUMBERS will get discouraging to the point you WILL give up.Seen it happen... want me to name names??  (they are not here anymore but I'm sure they are lurking)

So...I went on a two week experiment. Didn't tell anyone. Not even my closest mentors in my TEAM. I wanted to prove something to myself, and then bring it to you.  My experiment involved several things.  1) Chucking my daily scale routine  2) Eating 3 balanced meals every day including daily fruit, lean meats, and a ton of veggies. (About 70% of my intake) and most importantly, I wanted to eat my concience. Alot of you saw a good bit of what I was eating because I posted pics on my Facebook page. I will continue this when I have something "out of the box" for me.

Eating my concience?? 

 (Yep that's right) Listen, we are all grown adults here. We know that Big Mac's, Supreme Pizzas, Chinese Takeout, and Dairy Queen isn't healthy on a daily basis.. We KNOW THIS!! We just choose not to admit it most times which is partly what got us here.  Now I'm gonna tell you what got ME here. Here is BRUTAL HONESTY firsthand....

 What got me here was the saying from my dad "When you have your own house, you can make your own rules"!  Now what did that mean? Oh yeah.... the first order of business was to get a jar of Peanut Butter and 3 Hershey bars and redo the Whole Reece's peanut butter commercial from the 70's (You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!!)  Then it was  Redi Whip can to lips, pull trigger and enjoy!  ( Yes you know what it's like! don't lie)  The next order of business was turning up the milk jug any time I wanted WITHOUT A GLASS!  Then came the fact that I DIDN'T have to save enough for everyone. If they didn't hurry, they didn't eat.  Now anyone else that NEVER went through this phase?  Remember asking Mom "How MUCH LONGER til dinner?? and you can't have anything now because it will "Spoil; your dinner?  OK I think ya'll got it now.  That's what got me here.

So for two weeks, I ate what I knew was right. and I had a few (Very few)treats. I had a rule to myself, "If you have to think about it, the answer is no!"  Today when I weighed in. Killed off 6 pounds over that 15 day period.  I temporarily got rid of the "Science" the stress, the "Obsess" and the whole I'm plateauing!!!! WHAT THE HECK DO I DO NOW?????? and I'm gonna eat my workout cause I'm stuck on the scale thing. For 2 weeks, (just like every other week for 115 days)  I ate some really magnificent food, tried some new stuff, and remembered some of the old stuff as well, and passed.  But I never lost focus. Thin is what I WANT. but to obsess to the point of no return, that's not what I want.

Today I logged. Tomorrow I will as well. But feeling guilty when I'm pulling a 20 hr day that I didn't log my meals? Nope not gonna do it. BUT....That being said, as we discussed in a Team post Saturday, Communication, staying on mark, and staying focused is the ultimate goal. I'm back, and I just wanted to say, it's ok to study, it's ok to read, learn, and apply. Just REMEMBER when you get frustrated with all the science and hype, and at the point you"plateau" go back to the KISS method.( Keep it Simple Sh**head! Try 3 balanced meals a day with LOTS fruits and veggies, and make sure you move!! each and every day!!   Now let the Haters begin..... i have VERY THICK SKIN!!  =)  Cheers!  Before you comment or spew a bunch of scientific crap and hatred, Make sure you read the FIRST FEW LINES AT THE TOP ONE MORE TIME!!