It's taken me weeks to get this to the computer screen. mainly because i have a message to get across, (shocking i know) and while I want it to hit and hit hard, I want to stop short of offending. So today it hit me! so let's do it this way. Letter form!!! Letting you know NOW that some of this is real and me, and some of this is relavant and observed but not mine. It really doesn't matter which is which. It's a message. Take it or leave it. (but I hope it helps someone out there who needs it)
While reading your "critique" of my day, I became more and more enraged the further I read. To the point I was trying to figure out a new way to tear your tongue through my screen and clean my steamed up glasses with it. May I just say.....
You don't know me... You really don't. You only see the parts of my life I allow you to see. You may not know this, but I have overcome alot in 4 years. Divorce, being broke, homeless, maybe I lost my kid to a health issue, or even worse to war,Maybe I lost my job, and above all MY FRIENDS. You don't know that for 3.5 of those 4 years I worked 20hr days 7 days a week only to have about $200.00 a MONTH to eat on after the cost of the divorce. I may have beaten cancer, I may have beaten worse. But you may only see what I allow you to see of my life. My life looks happy, perfect, and fufilled. I promise you it's far from it. In fact, I bet you didn't know the reason I ate cupcakes last week was because it was all THE FOODBANK could give me to survive on..... Ever donated??
So just to make sure I let you see what you are doing to me as well as others If I wanted to be the "fixit man" you attempt at being, lets just go have a look at your day. That salad dressing at the buffet, it's scooped in ladles ya know. Did ya check to see if the ladle was exactly 2 tablespoons or did you do like me and scoop twice and spread? Your workouts..... Are ya finishing up totally exhausted from the 5 minute walk with that dog to the mailbox, and in need of a shower before you get near anyone?? or did your flippin fitbit say you did enough for the day??
The scale........you kill me... every stinking day.... it's up YAY....its down.GRRR ...its upside down WTH???.... let me clue you... the reason everybody says stay away from the scale except weekly or monthly??? It's because a scale is merely an average... In order for it to be totally accurate weight daily, you would have to weigh your urine, your poop, your sweat lost, fluid intake, food to the ounce and any other reason you might weigh in differently on the scale each day. Did you fart three long times yesterday, well how many today?? I promise you....it will never make you happy weighing daily because it will never be THAT accurate. Go with it!!!
Oh yeah... That part when you said "it's no wonder your ticker hasn't moved in two weeks" Yeah??? hmmm before you go any further, re read the last paragraph and ask me when I weighed last..... FOR THE LADIES:, Fear not!! You have my respect as well as my sympathies. Yes it is harder for ladies to lose weight than men.... Guys...just stop and think a minute. Ever thought about the fact that they have 50% of each month totally screwed from normal?? (Yeah a week before or after dudes.) hmm that calculates to about half as much time in a month to accomplish what we do doesn't it?? 2 out of 4 weeks won't be good news for them so praise the hell out of their accomplishments in the 2 good ones!!! Push them, motivate them, but Cut them some slack as well.
Ya know I could really put this one through the gate, but I want the main point of this blog to get accross.
First of all, this happens every day. To everybody at one point or another. Whether it's here, facebook, or where ever. It happens. We need to put things into serious perspective. We are not here to FIX everyone else. We are here to FIX ourselves!! For everyone else we are a support tool. SHARING ideas, and working toward common goals. We suffer from addictive personalities.
Yes I said it!!!! WE ARE...(gulp) ADDICTS!!
THIS IS our 12 step program of rehab.
Admitting we are powerless over being stupid with food when left by ourselves or at parties, or when it's cloudy, or when the day ends in....d-a-y.........
Came to believe a higher power could help restore us to sanity (Whether it's God, Buddha, Allah, Joe the Plumber, or even yes..... another MFP member. )
Congregated with like minded addicts to support each other....
I could go on. Yes, I am proud that I know of Bill W. (Founder of AA) and the 12 step process of healing and recovery developed by him and Dr. Bob. These simple approaches have saved many lives over the years. and while I have been fortunate not to have needed it firsthand, I still studied it quite extensively in my younger years (Once as a school project) My God people if any of you have a chip in your pocket, don't ever let me hear you say weight loss is too hard! (Laughing) because you already have an advantage!! you know the simplicity of the steps to recovery We need to be supportive of each other. BUT at the same time we need not lie to each other either. Follow these basic steps and watch people grow:
1) Be supportive in your comments. Even if the only positive thing you can say is: "I'm glad youre here because you helped ME today" (Ever thought of that one??) remember that someones bad decisions can always make you reflect upon your days like that and how thankful you are that they are few and far between now. THANK THEM!!
2) Remember the beginning of this blog entry... You DON'T know ALL the circumstances. You only know what I ALLOW you to see..... Take this in mind before critiquing
2) don't knit pick the diary. if it's bad, ask them in a private email what you can do to help them make their goals? (Do they have one??) . Better yet, refer to #2 ^^^ Ask them if there's something you don't know about that you could help with??. ( I used to say call them out privately. I've changed my tune a bit)
3) and above all else, just like the 12 step programs always tout......Tell them to " Keep coming back! It works, if you work it!"
My then Father in Law gave me some of the most SOUND, PROFOUND, and POWERFUL advice during my divorce to his daughter that to this day I cherish with my heart. "You can lie, fib and color it up to everyone and make it all look good.....except to that man in the mirror, so if he's ok with it, then you are too!"
I have never forgotten that piece of advice, and it sometimes causes me to NOT comment when I see something just so blatantly obvious because they don't have to answer to me. They have to answer to the one in their mirror! But...... I will close with this caveat..... Don't ever ask me what's wrong if you don't want to hear the truth. Because I would be the one you would send the above letter to!!
I love all of you..... Now play nice, before I REALLY tell Y'ALL how I feel! =)
(Note: yes Jess the Y'all was just for you!)
Love, Lee (Commander38)