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June 17, 2011

I had a huge argument with my ex-husband last night (over the phone). The man stresses me out horribly. He said some things that really pushed me to my breaking point (they weren't about me, but directed towards our children). I had just gotten home from the gym and let me tell you - I wanted to get back in the car, go back to the gym and run like mad on that treadmill for probably 5 hours. I was just so incredibly angry.

Most of the time, I try and take the high road with him. Getting into a pissing match with him never has good results (as you can see) and I try and avoid them at all costs. I will allow him to rant, rave, scream and yell - yet, I won't give him the pleasure of responding. Well, last night was different. The things he said drew me into the argument and once I was in it - I couldn't get back out without turning into a raving lunatic at him first. 

I didn't sleep well last night - and am irked that I allowed him to get under my skin so much that I didn't sleep. Gr. 

Today I woke up and my neck, shoulders and back are killing me. I know it is the stress settling in. I'm still angry with him and I'd like to punch him in the face really. 

I am an emotional/stress eater. Arguing with him has, in the past, always made me turn to food for comfort. I was incredibly proud of myself last night. Even with as angry, frustrated, etc I was at him...

 

I didn't turn to food. I didn't use his ignorance and my anger as an excuse to binge on the foods that I know aren't good for me (and some of them are in the house right now since my kids are on summer vacation and asked for some of them). 

 

I'm proud of how I handled the eating side of the argument. The rest? Probably leaves a little to be desired, but dang it... 

 

I DID NOT EAT MY FEELINGS!

39 votes + -

20 comments:

jozzierdgz wrote over 3 years:
That is one great NSV!!!!! Proud of you!!!
vmendoza18 wrote over 3 years:
what a great way to handle the situation. good for u.
CountryGrrrrl wrote over 3 years:
ooohhhh girlie, I know this feeling all too well. In my case, I had to just quit corresponding at all... but I don't have kids with him. Best advice I can give: Take a wooden spoon (or a baseball bat..LOL) and hit a pillow (aka his face) as many times and as hard as you can until you feel better. sounds crazy, but it works.
cobarlo14 wrote over 3 years:
Good for you!!!....Why do people think yelling will fix things??? I'll never know.
yepratt wrote over 3 years:
Kudos to you for not using the argument for an excuse to eat. Sounds like someone knows well new your weak points and tried to take you there but it did not work. Stick to "silence is golden rule" and enjoy that new body of yours this summer!!!
beckyinma wrote over 3 years:
WAY TO GO! Next time you go to the gym, find the boxing area, or a heavy bag and just start punching and kicking the sh*t out of it, imagining your ex's face on it. It works for me a lot!!!
elly620 wrote over 3 years:
you go girl! i'm very proud of you and you are now my new role model. Thank you for posting this blog. YOur awesome. :)
kris3800 wrote over 3 years:
I feel for you - that happened to me a few years ago with my ex and then one day something happened. One time he called me and was starting to push my buttons and I thought to myself, I don't need this, so I told him I got to go now, goodbye and hung up. No explaination to him and I'm sure he was shocked for me to just say that in the middle of his ranting and raving....but I felt so good when I did it, I thought I don't owe him an explaination or reason to hang up, that's why I divorced him. I can just say good bye and let it go. It will happen to you too. That was a turning point in my life and I started celebrating my "divorce anniversary". Those calls stopped too - so I felt very empowered to be able to do that. Good Luck your day will come. If he calls again, before you answer tell yourself - he has no power over me, if he starts just say calmly like you don't care - Good Bye I got to go. Great for not eating out of frustration too...working out is great for stress.
quietlywinning wrote over 3 years:
I am proud of you!!! I totally understand. I learned very early on in the divorce process to have no conversations. If he has something to say to me, he has to either leave a message or put it in writing. I then had either a recorded message or I had it in writing - and he realized that meant I always had proof of what he said and had NO qualms taking it to court. After all the court junk was over, I have held to the policy. When he knows someone else could see proof of what he says, the threats, insults, swearing and being nasty about the kids disappeared. It hasn't improved his view of me, but it's not like I want him back anyway lol.

I'm sorry your ex is one of "those".
Rickh123456 wrote over 3 years:
First - good for you for not letting the emotional turmoil of the argument send you to the pantry for binge food!
Second -- I have no idea of your history together, but it is possible that the spouse feels threatened by your new control over food and your weight loss and the argument might have been to provoke you into a binge; if so, congratulations on thwarting the attempt.
KittMahan wrote over 3 years:
I'm sorry you have to go through this but you're handling it very well. Some crappy things in life are unavoidable, what matters is how we deal with the crap.

You didn't succumb to unhealthy coping, you did what you know is right. Be proud of yourself, you are becoming what you always wanted to be.

Congrats for not letting his problems make your life worse.
broadsword7 wrote over 3 years:
Good for you! My own divorce was stressful enough, even though it was amicable, and we had no children. Stress is a killer, and I have tried and am always trying to jettison it quickly; never keep it with you, because then it internalizes (and manifests itself in things like emotional eating). If a person is causing me stress, I will either avoid them like the plague, or if that is impossible, I've learned (the hard way) to quickly release all emotional reaction to them. Forget what they say that angered you and move on down the road as quickly as possible. Your journey to good health is a wonderful one, you control it, and you will reap the benefits along the way! Never give up, and keep the good things in your life going strong!
SmartFunGorgeous wrote over 3 years:
Good for you. I think I'm always a little surprised when I find that getting control of my eating doesn't automatically solve any other issues in my life. And that usually makes me say, what's the point? and head back to the sweets. I'm proud of you for separating the two issues and recognizing the need to do so. That totally rocks!
ArtisanAtHeart wrote over 3 years:
So glad you are learning to deal with anger in a different way.

I know what you mean about being drawn in and not being able to get out of it; maybe this is one of those life's lessons for the next time, and you'll be better equipped to head it off sooner, so you don't get so wrapped up in it again.

Schedule a massage, take a bath, have some blueberry tea with vanilla stevia (it's truly a treat!)....and get some sleep tonight.

Hugs,
Connie
susiewusie wrote over 3 years:
Good for you xx
georgiajuly wrote over 3 years:
Good job!
I used to go bowling after a fight with my husband. The bowling alley is a nice safe place, open almost all the time. I wasn't a very good bowler, but I could usually knock down one or two pins, and every single one had his face on it! Only trouble was, my arm would be so sore the next day, I could barely hold a pen.
piwilliams wrote over 3 years:
Good for you!!!! I am also an emontional eater,you have given me some encouragement. Where is the punching bag when we need it??!!!!
maureendonahue wrote over 3 years:
Good for you!!! I also am an emotional eater (happy/sad/angry doesn't matter!). Trying to change that is really hard. You should be proud of yourself for facing those emotions and not eating them away.

I wish you all the best!
rmsrws wrote over 3 years:
Very Good for you! It's a great accomplishment when you realize what trigger "emotional eating" and you were able to stay clear. I still struggle with the urge of wanting to eat when upsett or stressed. Great Job! Keep up the good work!
Spedden wrote over 3 years:
That's excellent! You're an inspiration to all of us!

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