When I was in my first year of college, I fell in love with a boy... or at least I thought I did. We had SO many things in common it was uncanny. Plus there was a physical attraction too that I couldn't deny. We dated for almost 4 years, with the exception of a few months in the middle where we had "a break" - and unlike Ross & Rachel, I actually enjoyed my break and found pleasure where I could without any consequences. :D
This boy, and I call him that for a reason, was what I thought was perfect. We spent 2 of those 4 years as a long distance relationship with no questions asked. He apologized when I was mad at something he did. We never seemed to argue over much anything, and when we did it was as if a big weight was lifted and things were better. Both of our families expected us to get married sometime after I graduated from college. However, after we moved in together I started noticing things that made me realize I didn't want to be with him anymore...
First off - and this should have turned a BIG light on for me - I remember one day at his parent's house where he made me get on a scale to see how much I weighed. We could share clothes, and he was curious how close our weights really were. That day I weighed 152 and he weighed 150. The last time I had gotten on a scale before that was in high school, and I was about 125. It didn't bother me at the time as I was happy with how I looked, and I knew I'd probably gained about 15 of it in my chest area due the increase in my boob size. ;)
From that day on, this boy started picking at my self confidence and self esteem. We didn't really fight, but he took every opportunity to belittle me about my weight and to tell me I could never get as skinny as I was when we met. I put up with over a year of this before it finally sunk in that something was amiss. I started working at a professional company before I graduated from college, and the men & women I met there made me realize how unimportant this boy was. I knew I needed to find a way out of the "relationship", but due to our commonalities I didn't want to end the friendship. Why, I don't know, other than he helped me achieve a relationship with my mother and come out from under her thumb. However, I think this was due to the fact he wanted me to only be under his thumb, but I didn't realize that at the time. He kept picking away at my self-confidence, trying to change my "Alpha female" into a cowering submissive. I couldn't take it anymore...
One day, I came home from work to find that he'd moved everything out of our apartment while I was gone. He was there waiting to talk to me, and tell me where he was going & "try" to explain why. I was shattered, but it didn't make sense to me since I had been trying to figure out how to end it with him. It wasn't until several weeks later that I realized that he had partially succeeded in making me submissive and reliant on him. I had to gain that confidence back, and move on with my life.
Less than 6 months after that fateful day, I met the man that would become my husband. I didn't jump in quick due to the fact that I was still getting "ME" back, and this almost turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life as this man was almost not willing to wait for me. One day after we'd been dating for a couple months, I saw the boy again who broke my confidence. It took some courage, but I went to my future hubby and explained this past relationship and the fact of what had happened to me. I was consoled like I never had been before, and assured that I would be allowed to always be me. My "Alpha" came back gradually, and my hubby & I have been together for 12 years now... which seems like forever and a moment all at the same time.
Today, I got on the scale and it said 151... and a few hours later these memories came pouring back. You know what I want to do... I want to find that boy and say F**K YOU!!!! I want to tell him that he was wrong. I want to tell him that I did this for me, and show him that he has once and for all lost his control over me. It's over!!! I can let go and finally fully move on! I gained my confidence and attitude back a long time ago, but removing this final obstacle makes me feel more complete and more resilient. I am not being controlled by my past emotions any longer!
Just getting this off my chest has helped, and for those of you that have made it to the end, thank you. I hope every single one of you out there reaches this moment in your lives. Now, if I could actually see him and say this to his face...
Posted on 2011-03-25 by bynsky
OK, so, normally I don't care about or listen to gossip. I usually laugh at it, or brush it off and I never continue to spread it. Well, unless some friends of mine and I are purposely starting something just to see what it turns into... HA HA HA!
Here's the scoop, I work full time at a bank that has multiple branches. I also work part time at Wally World. One night about 2 months ago I met one of my co-workers from another branch for the first time at a trivia/school fundraiser night and she just happened to bring her husband along. Him I knew already, as he is one of the assistant managers at Wally World. The next day, I mentioned this to a couple of my co-workers at Wally World as it was just a smidge bit ackward at the trivia thing to play at the same table as this manager.
Fast forward to about 3 weeks ago. I get to work at Wally World and one of these 2 co-workers is asking me if I knew that this manager had been kicked out of his house by his wife since I worked with the wife. I said no, I hadn't heard anything, and that I don't really work with his wife as she's at another branch. The following weekend the other of the 2 co-workers asks me the same thing and wants to know more details. I blow her off, as she is a pretty big gossip and I don't want to perpetuate anything. Last weekend, this lady comes up to me and asks if the gal had quit working at the bank as she heard that not only did she kick her husband (our manager) out but that she quit her job and moved back home to live with her parents. I explained, AGAIN, that I don't really know the gal as she works at a different branch.
Yesterday my morals got the best of me. I approached another person who works at this other branch that I know MUCH better. I explained what little I had heard, and that the only reason I was saying anything is that if I were in this gal's shoes I'd want to know the rumors that were floating around my husband's workplace. She passed the information on for me, since she knows this other person better. I asked this AM if I ended up "starting anything" and was told the girl shed a few tears, but bucked up and did her job the rest of the day as if nothing was wrong.
Now, I have NO IDEA who started these rumors, or if the husband (the manager) knows about them. I don't know him at all, other than as a very indirect supervisor to me in a store that employs about 500 people! I'm hoping I did the right thing in saying something to make this girl aware of the situation. I personally know pretty much every rumor that's been spread about my husband and myself, and boy have there been some doozies! I feel that everyone should have that opportunity to know what's being said, and try to correct it if necessary.
So, now that's off my chest. Let me know if you think I did the right thing. If you don't think I did the right thing, you may say so... but it's a little too late for me to take it back.
Thanks for your time.
Posted on 2011-03-17 by bynsky
So, I honestly have no idea if this is a true Irish tradition, or just something an old co-worker's family did. Her family is VERY Irish, but I've yet to find someone who's heard of this. I thought it was a great idea, and have done it every year for my kids and probably will for a long time...
On the eve of St. Patricks Day, place "donut seeds" (aka Cheerios) on a plate and cover it with a napkin or towel. Have the kids ask very politely for the leprechauns to come and sprinkle their magic dust on the seeds to make them grow. The next morning, before the kids wake up, replace the "donut seeds" with actual donuts. Excitedly tell the kids that the leprechauns heard their wish, and enjoy!!!
My kids love this tradition, and hopefully yours will too!
Oh, and if you also want a little "eye candy" ladies, rent a copy of Darby O'Gill and the Little People... has a very young, VERY handsome Sean Connery! *RAWR*
Posted on 2011-03-11 by bynsky
I am REALLY frustrated right now... I need to vent about this, or my head may just explode off of my body.
We received a notice in the mail on Friday that our state tax refund was being held due to past due child support owed by my husband. It stated that if any amount over $50 is past due that they will hold the refund. OK, fine... but my hubby has been employed at the same employer for about 1 & 1/2 years and they have made payments on his behalf since he started there. I checked the website where you can look up payment history; no info showing a past due amount.
Just got off the phone with our representative and apparently my hubby's employer screwed up OVER A YEAR AGO! In Feb 2010 my hubby's amount due changed due to income, blah, blah, blah. However, the employer didn't start sending in the right amount until March. Was the employer notified to correct this? NO! Were we notified of the past due amount? NO! WHY??? Cause they only send notification if you're past due by an amount equal or greater to one month's obligation.
Fine, we owe it, no big deal. But, it is a big deal because the child that it goes to never sees a dime! In the past, when the mother actually communicated with my hubby and we attempted to have a relationship with the child (he wasn't quite 2 at the time) we would see an apartment in complete disorray to the point where there were walking hazards and general nastiness everywhere, and the little boy was visibly malnourished (receding hair, distended stomach, etc...) and ill A LOT! Unfortunately, shortly after this time the mother disappeared with the child and we could not afford a lawyer to try to locate, get custody, etc...
About 4 & 1/2 years ago the mother decided to try to let my hubby have a relationship with the child again - he was just turning 8 at that time. That's over six years of not seeing a person & suddenly having a time bomb dropped in your lap that this man is your father... oh, and you have a step-mom & half-brother too! Sadly, the boy was still not well cared for, had a learning disability of some kind, and we honestly did not feel comfortable having him around our 2 year old. Then, I found out I was pregnant again and my hubby made the tough choice to step out of this child's life again.
Flash forward a year, and we find out that the boy, and his 2 half-sisters, have been taken away from his mother. They are living with the paternal grandparents of the little girl's, who we'd met and thought "GREAT!!! Maybe he'll start getting a decent upbringing". There were several more players in the game, including the father of the 2 girls (who had been this boy's only father figure) who was accused of being abusive, and the new boyfriend of the mother. My husband felt it was in his best interest to stay out of the situation and not cause more stress for the child. My hubby attended the hearings, and we continue to get notices regarding the case.
At this point, the boy and his 2 sisters are back with their mother and are living in the town that my hubby's parents reside during half of the year. She has not attempted to contact my hubby once, even though his number has not changed. She and the children arrived at my hubby's parent's place a scant 3 days before the boy's 12th birthday and it was mentioned that they were having a party... an obvious ploy to get STUFF. My hubby's mom said the boy looked good, but was distant. REALLY?!?! Distant to people that you're related to that you've never been given a chance to know?!?!
Now, don't get me wrong... this was my hubby's decision and I support him 100%. Would I personally have tried harder to have a relationship with this child? Yes! Do I wish that we had the funds and resources several years ago to have taken steps to obtain full custody? Yes! Do I think that my hubby made the right decision in trying to not add confusion to this child's life? YES!!!!!!
It is very frustrating for me that the state treats my hubby, and other men out there, like dead beat dad's when in some cases the mother is the one that has the issues. My hubby made a stupid, drunken mistake one night about 13 years ago (before we met), and he has to suffer. While the woman who had to request nine, yes NINE, different men tested to determine the father, who's had 2 children taken away from her previously and almost had this child and his 2 sisters taken away from her, gets to bask in the glory that is the funds that she gets for popping out these kids. If this child lived with us, we wouldn't even spend close to that amount to cover for his food, clothing and care each month. But, it's a predetermined amount charged by the state that does not care how it gets spent as long as the parent with custody get the money... oh wait, we have another friend who is still paying child support to his ex-wife even though the child is living with him now!
Sorry for ranting, and I am not accusing any single mother's out there of being undeserving. This is just the tip of the iceburg with our dealings with the mother of my hubby's child, and I wish that there was an easier way to fix the system that gets abused by her and people who are like her.
Posted on 2011-03-07 by bynsky
Hi all - just sitting here not quite ready for bed and decided I'd introduce you to my hubby. We met 12 years ago at a dirty little bar that happened to have karaoke. A mutual friend of ours tried to set us up, and I refused. I assumed he was one of her "cast offs" and I didn't want to go there cause, well, no matter how good of a friend she is I considered her skanky!
One night after karaoke a group of us were supposed to meet at a 24 hour restaurant for chow. Oddly enough, only T-Bell (it's short for Tinkerbell, but that's another story) and I actually made it to the restaurant. We sat there and talked until about 4:30 AM. And the things we talked about.... I'm sure you can imagine what it was like after hearing some of my other ramblings.
What can I say, I found a man more perverted than me who could put up with my craziness. He comes off like an over confident asshat if you don't know him, but underneath the hard exterior lays a man with a heart of gold. He's the ying to my yang, the rock to my hard place, the hot dog to my bun...
Anyway, I'm sure I'll tell more stories as time goes on. In fact, a close friend of mine expects $1 everytime my hubby seques into a military drinking story! And boy, there are some doozies!!!!
I never knew being in love could feel like this, and I love him more every day. Plus, he helped make some pretty frakking cute kids with me!
Posted on 2011-03-04 by bynsky
A lot has happened over the last 72 years:
- Japan bombs Pearl Harbor
- World War II - VE Day & VJ Day
- Elvis Presley comes on the scene
- Alaska & Hawaii become states
- War in Korea
- introduction of color television
- The Beatles appear on Ed Sullivan
- assassination of JFK
- Man walks on the moon
- Civil Rights movement
- Vietnam War
- introduction of computers
- Michael Jackson makes pop music history
- Berlin Wall comes down
- Gulf War
- cell phones become part of popular culture
- the "chad" problem
- War in Iraq & Afganistan
- and many, many, more...
Most importantly to me, 72 years ago a 14 year old girl and a 17 year old boy met, fell in love, moved apart & stayed in touch, got married and raised a family. They experienced all of the things mentioned above together, as well as raising 2 children of their own, and then having a very significant part of my upbringing as well. Their family is small for their generation (a son and a daughter, 3 grand-daughters, 2 great-grand-sons), but we care about them very much.
On Monday, my grandparents celebrated their 68th wedding anniversary. On Wednesday, they started their lives apart as my grandpa had to make the tough decision to have my grandma placed in a special care unit due to her dementia. She no longer recognizes him as the man she's loved these many years...
I've never heard my grandpa sound so lonely and close to tears as he did in our conversation last night. I can't imagine the lonliness and heartbreak he is going through at this point in his life. He said that the last 2 days are honestly the worst of his life. He knows my grandma is in a better place for her, but the loss of that companion is heartwrenching in my mind. I'm thankful that she still remembers me, but I know that time could be short lived as well.
It's amazing how the body and mind change as we age. Part of becoming healthy in my mind is to be able to live as long as my grandparents have, and to be able to say "I remember that" when people ask me about certain major events in the world. My life would not be the same if it wasn't for my grandpa; most people have traits that are from one or the other parent... mine are mostly from him. In fact, my husband couldn't figure me out when he met my parents as he didn't see who I took after... then he met my grandpa.
I told my grandpa last night that I loved him, which is not said often enough with this part of my family as nobody wears their hearts on their sleeve. I wish I could be there to give him a hug everyday. I know he will persevere and be able to get through this transition. It's a very emotional time for me right now, and I needed to express this before the emotions started to run my life.
Keep your loved ones close. If necessary, make amends for any issues that have caused a disconnect in your lives. I am lucky in the fact that this is not a physical loss, and that it has been gradual in happening. But you never know what tomorrow can bring.
For those of you reading this who are already my MFP friends, this is a side of me that is rarely seen. I can cope, and I know that this situation is for the best. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and for letting me share my passion with you.
Posted on 2011-03-04 by bynsky
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