Azlady7's Blog

Ok so yesterday was my weigh-in and measurement day. I get kinda ansy on mondays since the scale has been bs'ing me all week lol. And yes I know better than to weigh all the time. I dont that often really, like twice a week usually. 

  Anyways, I have read a few posts and blogs about family memebers that arent very helpful or even down right unsupportive and rude. And some of those were about husbands or boyfriends or wives or significant others. It saddened me. So yesterday morning as my husband gets on all fours to check where the scale needle is swinging to my heart warms some. Then he excited tells me I am down a pound! Heart warms even more! Then he takes his time and measures all my different areas and does the math and happily announces I am down a total of 2.5 inches.

Hubby with the kids below:

 It really hit me hard how blessed I am to have him! He (being thin his whole life and really has very little idea about how to lose weight or the emotions that go with it) is incredibily supportive! He always stops to listen to me drone on and on about calories this, exercise that, sodium here and fat there. He never tries to 'pretty' up the truth or convince me its ok to cheat, and on the other hand he never makes me feel horrible for slipping up and he encourages me without being a drill sergent (sp?).

I am truly a blessed woman and I dont know that I could enjoy this journey as much as I do without him!

Me and my honey below! :

I was recently wondering when was the last time I weighed 273. Or actually when I was last even in the 270's. It had to have been about 4-5 years ago. Probably around 5 years. I remember being weighed by a nurse in Fountain Hills AZ about 6 months before I moved here to GA. The scale had depressed me showing my weight at something like 288 - 290. I cant remember exactly what it said but I remember being so depressed at being so close to 300. Wow! I was 29. I regret losing my 20's to fat, but I look so forward to having the rest of my 30's and the rest of my life being thin!

 I didnt weigh again after that for almost 2 and half years. Two years ago I decided to finally lose my weight and after about a month of swimming everyday I went to the doctors for the first time in 2.5 years and I was at 298 so I know I had to have been over 300 before I started swimming.

I remember when I weighed like 250 or so I swore I would never reach 300. I also joked that I wold kill myself before I would weigh 300 lbs or more. (bad joke I know). Its amazing how we rationalize...well I wont ever go over 200....a few years later....ok I wont go over 250....and so on. And before we know it we are breaching 300+ and wondering what the hell happened!

Why would I allow myself to slowly commit suicide?!? I love my life (other than being fat and smoking). I love my husband and kids with all my heart. I love God and thank Him for every blessing in my life. So why would I do that? How can we, as humans, every hope to stop this sick cycle if we can never figure out why?!?! I think its more than just genetics, and more than just convenient food, and more than just laziness. Or maybe its just all those rolled into one?!? Who knows?

Thankfully I am no longer in that terrible endless cycles of excuses and unwillingness to change. I am happy to say that the last time I weighed in the 270's I had no real desire to change....but this time I do! ;)

Ok so in my last blog I was probably a bit overly zealous. I have struggled to stay under calories the last few days. Granted I ate things I havent had in months/almost a year. I NEVER eat fast food. Well thats now a lie. I rarely eat fast food. In the last 3 years I have probably eaten fast food a total of 15 times. And usually its grilled chicken with only half the bun. Fries ONLY of its that TOM. And a soda, usually diet. Compared to 5-6 years ago....trust me only a few times a year is great. I used to eat fast food 2-3 times a week and it was always either a buger or deep fried chicken and always had fries and a regular soda. ewww...I know.

 Ok so back to the subject at hand. For the first time in quite some time I ate Taco Hell...err...I mean Bell. yeah thats right...Bell! I didnt eat that much and I was VERY full. I used to eat 2 tacos, bean burrito, half a mexican pizza and a nacho bell grande (which is like double the amount of a nacho supreme). Sometimes an extra taco or burrito on top of all that crap. Makes me cringe to admit that. But alas...that was over 3 years ago. So this time I had 3 hard tacos and a nacho supreme (which is like miniature nacho bell grande for those who dont know.) It was all high in cals and was much more calories than I would typically consume in one meal but omg it tasted good. But after about 10 minutes of sitting on my stomach I felt ill. I dont really regret eating it but I do regret how much I ate. Next time I need to settle for three tacos and maybe some fresh homemade veggies with it. Or just the nacho supreme with some homemade beans. Something a bit less processed and heavy.

 I think now that my crazy -I need to eat toxic crap- phase is over (and no I wasnt pms'ing) I can happily move on into a new week of fresh and healthier choices. Thank God I dont want that food more than once or twice a year! LOL maybe it will just vanish and I can just not think about that kind of food crap anymore lol. Although I must say that Subway rocks. If you choose carefully. I had a six inch grilled chicken sandwhich on wheat with plenty of veggies and low fat mayo. It was awesome! And it filled me up and I didnt feel sick!

So yes I was a bit overly zealous thinking I had scads of extra calories (which I sometimes still do) but I am now excited to say that I am happy with the fact that I naturally eat less and I feel full doing so! :)  Everyday I am discovering wonderful new positives to becoming healthier!

Its so strange....my weight has gone down 10 lbs since joining mfp. My calorie intake was set at like 1650 or something. So as I lost weight the program automatically lowered my calories. I was worried about it going down cause I honestly didnt think I would be able to stay within my allotted calories. So now I get something like 1350 and I now have a hard time eating enough calories LOL. How weird is that?

 I havent really upped my amount of exercises, so I Know its not that. I honestly believe its my stomach shrinking. Or maybe since I am eating healthier foods I can eat more therefore I am full quicker. Even though I feel like I am eating constantly.

 I even did the math to make sure there wasnt a math bug in my cals LOL. I am not complaining really. I am actually pleasantly surprised that having less calories is not a problem for me!

 Any ideas from anyone else as to why its harder for me to reach my cals? And has anyone else ever experienced this as well?

I am not concerned or anything, just interest in why.

So I was just posting on my home page how happy I was with my weight loss journey with MFP and all the wonderful people I have as friends here. There is something magical about surrounding yourself with like minded people. Ok well not physically surrounding but you know what I mean. Most of my life I have been huge. I lost some weight with Jenny Craig when I was 14. Lost most of my weight when I was in my late teens in a VERY unhealthy way. That was all temporary. And I never had many friends who were as big as me. Even within my extended family there werent very many who were much overweight. My mom was to some extent, but not morbidly so like me. She was always there to try and encourage me though.

 Within my family there hasnt been much understanding either. My husband is exNavy and has always had a lean muscular body (mind you I am not complaining lol) and even my son, who started gaining weight at 11, had enough will power at 12 to lose his weight. Talk about a blow to my selfesteem! Not that I am not proud and happy for him to be 15 and at his ideal weight. But it dang, my own kid had more willpower than me! One of my stepdaughters is just like my husband...perfect body. I dont begrudge her that though. Quite the opposite. She is my inspiration. I live vicariously through her when buying her clothes LOL. And then my other stepdaughter, now thats a different story. She is obese too. But she has zero drive and determination to lose her weight. I find it frustrating to deal with it. I feel motivated and just dont understand why she doesnt. I see her beautiful face every day and remember being her age and I know how bad this is going to get physically and emotionally for her. I have even cried begging her to care about herself. And it isnt that she doesnt care at all. She doesnt care enough to get up and do what it takes long term. But I will never give up on trying to motivate her.

I feel that is what happened to me. My mom prayed for me to lose weight, but I think at some point, even my husband, my mom, siblings, dad, aunts and uncles just stopped believing it was possible for me. The saddest thing....so did I.

I am now 34 years old, my trigycerides were off the charts (even eating zero cholesterol, i needed to exercise) I was topped out at 300 and something (didnt bother to weigh but I think it was like 310), I couldnt sleep well without pain, I was dizzy (still am a bit) my organs actually hurt! horrid. completely horrid at 34. I was basically 80 years old physically.

So I tried to get health insurance just over a year ago. what a joke. my weight was costing us a fortune (still is). I finally had it. Last year I lost about twenty lbs. swimming like a mad lady. But alas we had no pool heater so during the winter I couldnt swim. I am allergic to chlorine and cant use public pools. Sooooo I gained back 5 lbs over the winter. Not too bad. But crap, I wanted to be thin. So this year when we opened the pool I went nuts again swimming. I lost 14 in and about 10 lbs. But that wasnt much for 4 months. But I was happy with it though. Better than nothing!

Then I found MFP after watching the woman on that show with Kathy Lee Gifford. You all know who I mean.

 And here I am. So I am discovering there is power in numbers. Even with weight loss. It would make sense. Since they have support groups for people with diseases and such, and its important to find and know others struggling with the same issues from all walks of life, then us overweight people need support too. Never before have I felt so understood. Reading peoples forums and blogs is like a miniature glimpse into pieces of my life!

I have discovered how important calorie counting is. That is where I went wrong this last summer. I was eating pretty good food most of the time, just too much of it. Now that I am counting cals, I am exstatic with the results! I am sleeping better, my weight is now in the 270's!!! its been years since I was this weight! I am less dizzier, my triglycerides are down (not perfect but WAY better), and my organs feel much better :)

As I said on my homepage, I Iove my friends here. You all give me motivation, strength, enthusiasm, and friendship. Thank you!

P.S. I know I was a bit wordy, just felt the need to write down my lifes walk with weight!