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What's gone wrong?

Wow. My last entry was way back in January and here we are almost half way through April. Where does the time go?

Unfortuntely I haven't been using the time between then and now in any productive sense (when it comes to health/weight loss) and I've continued to lose/gain with the gains being a little bigger than the losses. So overall my weight is up a couple of kgs. Not good.

Work has been busy and stressful and unfortunately I stress eat. It's not that the job is bad at all, I knew when I took this job that there would be a huge learning curve and that the first year in particular would be full of challenges. It certainly has been but I'm not complaining. The job is great, the people I work with supportive and I'm learning loads. The stress is just a natural consequence of me taking on a completely new role in a new country at a new (to me) school.

And really it's not about stress. It's about me just not caring enough, slacking off, not logging, not exercising regularly. Part of that is due to business/stress but if I'm honest that's not the real reason, it's just that somewhere inside I've lost my motivation. Weight loss is always going to require a big effort on my part and unless I'm willing to focus on it and make it a real priority then it's just not going to happen.

I'd like to be here claiming that I'm back in a position where I'm ready to work to make that happen but honestly I'm not. I'm about to fly off to Cardiff for a few days for meetings and then that will back on to Easter holidays so a week spent traveling around in Wales (since someone else was paying for the flights it seemed crazy not to take advantage). Then once I get back I've got friends planning to visit and then it's almost the summer and... you get the picture, I've got excuses.

So I'm sort of checking in, not in the promise that I'm about to mend my ways, but rather as an admission that I'm way off track at the moment. 

And I do keep trying to log in every day so that I'm at least keeping the whole weight/eating thing somewhere in my mind. It's a poor consolation but I figure it's better than disappearing altogether (which of course is what I'm tempted to do when I have nothing positive to report).

Failing - and not giving up

A few weeks ago I wrote about my New Year's Resolution.

I chose to give up chocolate for the year and detailed my reasons why on that blog entry.

I lasted 17 days. Yesterday, Jan 18th I broke my resolution. Why you ask? A really stupid reason.

I was at a quiz night. One of the rounds was called "Sweet and Salty". You had to eat a whole bunch of stuff and figure out the flavour. It was all good fun. In the salty category other people were trying things first and the ones they identified as meat flavoured (bacon, chicken etc) I didn't try (I'm vegetarian). When it got to the sweet category there were two samples of chocolate. We broke it up, each ate a piece and figured out what the flavours were (chilli and orange as it turns out). I thought both were gross so I actually only ate a very small amount of each.

All fun and games. Then about 5 minutes later it hit me what I'd done. DAMN IT!! I ate stupid chocolate and I didn't even like it!

So that's my sad story of the broken resolution. Of course I'm not giving up. I feel like I broke the letter of the law but not the spirit. And, if I make it through the rest of the year without eating any more chocolate (or even with a few more forgetful slips) it will still be quite an achievement.

On other news I've started a group (on here) and am going to try and get 9 other people to join and be super focused for the next 3 weeks. In the past I've found that helpful and I'm hoping that I will again. I'll keep you posted!

I lost a little (very little) weight last week and I'm hovering not to far off getting back under 60kg which I'd really like to see happen. 

Finally, some good news.

January 12th...only a few days until we're half way through the month. At this time of year I tell myself things like that constantly, it's a reassurance that long days and warmth will eventually be coming back.

For the first time in months and months I'm going to say I've just had a good week. That makes a nice change! I logged every day (not weekends, I still don't do those) and although I was over calories every single day (by around 1000 calories most days!) I felt like I was being healthy and making good progress. I exercised every day (during the week, not weekends) and several days managed to exercise twice (swim in the morning and then a run or Jillian in the evening).

End result, 1.2kg loss. Now it has to be said I've been losing and gaining the same 1.5 kg for a long time now. And I knew last week's weigh in was probably high because it was the day after a flight and i always seem to weigh in high then. So I'm taking that number with a grain of salt, the true test will be whether I can continue on with this for a few weeks in a row. Keep logging, keep exercising and keep losing.

Still, it's the most positive I've felt about MFP in a very long time - lets hope I'm actually back on the wagon. 

Endings and Beginnings

Goodbye 2013.

In Italy (where I'm staying with friends for the last few days of my holidays) we've still got a few hours left of 2013 but 2014 has already started for all my friends and family in Australia, NZ and Japan.

There's something satisfying about completing another year. Weight wise 2013 hasn't been anything like the success of 2012 but looking back there have been some positives.

I did lose about 6kg. Then I put it all back on.

I ran my longest ever race (14km) and did a lot of running in the first 6 months.

After 5 years in Tokyo I made the move to Bulgaria. New job, more responsibility (part admin, part teaching), new challenges.  This hasn't been good for my weight/fitness but otherwise I've loved it.

Here's hoping in 2014 I can continue to enjoy the job and life but also get myself back on track with fitness and eating.

New Year's Resolution: I know making these is asking for trouble but hey! So this year I'm resolving to go 365 days without eating chocolate. Why you ask? Well I've never been a big chocolate eater but in the last 12 months for some reason I've started craving it. And when I start eating it I can't stop. Not good.

I'm not good with moderation so I'm aiming for none. I figure this is a simple, measurable goal. Let's hope it is one small step on the road to getting back on track. 





Same old same old...

I just looked back over my posts from this time last year (one of the reasons it's nice to blog).

At that point I was feeling pretty optimistic. My weight was down about 20kg and I'd been on the site about 9 months.

This year I'm still down about 20kg... unfortunately though it's not quite the success story it was 12 months ago. Rather it's about 5 or 6kg up from my lowest weight. My eating has been less healthy, I've struggled to get into a good exercise routine, I've pretty much given up on running.

The problems started when I took a long holiday between moving countries (well honestly they started a month or two before that when I started to focus largely on the upcoming move). That was a good excuse for a while but I've been here 4 months now! It's kind of like blaming "baby weight" while your youngest is going off to high school.

The upside is that I'm still here. Still checking in regularly. I've even managed to log occasionally although I think about 4 days in a row has been my longest streak. I'm also still in a healthy weight range for my height (although honestly for me it's definitely a few kgs too many - I'm small). I know what I have to do to get back on track I just don't know how to convince myself to do it!

So like a few million other people I'm going to hope that the new year brings a new batch of self discipline and inspiration. In just under a week I'm off to Italy for a two week holiday, by the time I get back it will be early January. I know I'm not miraculously going to get it together while I'm traveling (in Italy! home of gelato!) but I really hope that once I'm back I can somehow get myself back on track.


November already?

Well it's now been over 3 months since I moved to Bulgaria. That's a quarter of a year gone already and I'm still making excuses!

Last weekend I had a long weekend and I went away so I didn't weigh in. Today I weighed and I'm exactly the same as I was 2 weeks ago. That's not so terrible. I also made it to 20 days logging which is the highest I've been since about early June before I left Japan. So there are small positives. The negative is that I didn't manage to log my food even once in the last 2 weeks.

Actually this past week I've been really happy with my eating and I even managed to do at least a little exercise every day so I feel it was the most positive week I've had in terms of those things.

This weekend I've got no major plans (just a whole heap of small stuff that needs taking care of) which will make it the most relaxing weekend I've had in a very long time. Hopefully I can get myself set up for a successful week including some logging.

It's not all bad news

When I re-read this in the future (which is really the point of posting such boring stuff) I'm hoping that I really remember just how hard I found it to get myself back on track. I'm also hoping by that point that I will be back on track and I'll be thinking of this as a large glitch, not the beginning of the end.

It's been 2 weeks since I last weighed in. I always weigh on Saturday mornings and last Saturday I was in Berlin. That trip was fun but involved a lot of eating, mainly of breads and delicious pasteries. Considering I spent every day sitting on my butt at a calculator conference (and pushing buttons isn't exactly cardio) I think it's safe to say that I was not exactly burning off the calories.

I got back last Sunday evening and forced myself to stop at the supermarket on the way home and buy a heap of vegetables. Considering all I felt like doing was collapsing into bed and going to sleep I was quite proud of myself. When I got home I whipped up an absolutely delicious caulliflower soup (which is super healthy and super fast to make and I can't recommend it enough, the only ingredients I put in are cauliflower, stock and chia seeds) and got my swimming gear ready before hitting the sack.

From there the week actually went quite well. I have figured out that if I am at the door of the pool when it opens at 6:30am I can fit in a swim before getting to work, it's rushed but it works. I managed to swim all 5 days. I had good intentions of doing some afternoon exercise but it didn't happen. Maybe next week. I took my lunch every day (my soup) and in the evenings ate either vegetables or toast. I must admit that I also gave in and ended up eating quite a bit of sugary snacks every day too. So not fantastic but certainly an improvement.

I'm not willing to say I'm back on the wagon yet, maybe I've managed to grab at it with one hand and I'm at least being dragged along in the right direction! However I do feel like I'm slowly starting to pull some routines together.

The scale this morning shows a loss (compared to 2 weeks ago) so that's encouraging but I'm not reading too much into it. As I mentioned before my weight has been up and down like a yo-yo over the last few months but the general trend has been up so I'll need a few sustained weeks of seeing the scale go down before I really feel like things are headed in the right direction.

This is getting monotonous

Every week I post about how I'm failing to get back on track - it's a little repetitive!

It's funny, I'm posting far more than I ever did when I had actual good stuff to report. I feel like it's key though to keep me somewhat honest and to not just slipping off the radar all together. And this week there have been some positives.

1. I lost weight. Except that's not really as good as it seems. If I look back over the last few months there's been a constant up/down but the trend is up. Last week was a big up, this week was a small down. The trouble is MFP only publishes the down bits even though I have been good about checking in every week.

2. I have now logged on for 15 days in a row. That's a big improvement because at least I'm back to remembering every day.

3. For the first time in months and months I managed to log my food for a few days this week. Then I went totally off track at the end and didn't log but I hadn't even logged one day in months so managing 4 in a row was better than nothing.

4. I exercised every day.

5. I'm still here and not quitting entirely!

It's a bit defeatist but I already know next week won't be the week I get back on track. I'm off to Berlin for a few days (for a calculator workshop - my life is so exciting) where I'll be staying with friends I haven't seen in years. In the days I'll be at the workshop (food provided, probably tasty but not healthy) and in the evenings I'll be enjoying their company as much as possible. 

I guess that really sums up the problem. I'm still very much in the mindset of wanting to enjoy life more than I want to focus on losing weight. Unless that changes then I'm not going to be able to get this show back on the road.

More of the same...

As I feared the past week was no better than the previous ones. In fact worse because I did a whole lot less exercise, ate a whole lot more food than I should and (no surprises) consequently put on quite a bit of weight (again).

But I keep weighing in every week. I keep recording the weight. I keep turning up here to at least keep some accountability. And last week I think I might have remembered to log in every day.

Not enough I know but it's better than if I just threw in the towel entirely.

Here's hoping that next weekend I'll have something more positive to report. 

This is not going well.

Hmmmm my last few posts have been full of good intentions and excuses.

And I'm afraid I'm back with more.

Things (meaning diet/exercise) are not going well. Other things (job/life/new country) are going great but I'm just not managing to get my groove on when it comes to healthy eating.

I really wanted to at least log on every day last week but I'm pretty sure that didn't happen. I'm just so busy at work that I don't even think of it. I know I'm making bad eating choices and I do at least think about that but then I go and do it anyway. 

On the bright side I did manage to do at least some exercise every day although it was usually just a walk. I'm not running at the moment due to plantar faciitis and I can't swim because I can never get to the pool while it's open. Because I'm a bit all over the place with life in general and because I'm working such long hours I haven't managed to set up a good routine but I figure just doing something each day, even if only a walk, is at least starting to build the time for exercise into my schedule.

So that's where I'm at. I'd like to think this coming week will be better but I'm not at sure that it will. I need to find a way to "get my head in the game" but I'm not sure how to do that. If I was sure I'd write a book and make a million bucks because lets face it, this is an age old story... girl tries to lose weight for years, girl eventually loses weight, girl puts weight back on...

I'm just blogging in the hope that my occasional presence on here will at least stop me from forgetting MFP completely.


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