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Success! And a question.

First the good news. As of this morning my weight is back to what it was before I went away for the summer. The damage done by 5000 miles of driving, many enormous diet cokes and embarrassingly well patronised buffets has been undone. Well in terms of weight anyway.

My fitness is still not quite back to where it was. I just can't get enthusiastic about running and so that's not really happening. And right now I'm not swimming at all because I'm cycling to work which means I don't have time to swim (because of the opening hours of the pool it's only possible to use if if I'm driving to work).

And now the question. It's really just a question for me (since it isn't like this blog has a wide readership!) but I'm really wondering why I find it so hard to log things that I didn't plan to eat. Last week every day I was over my calories by around 1000 per day. MFP kept making dire predictions about how much I'd weigh in 5 weeks. That didn't bother me at all. But then yesterday was a hungry day and so I ate an extra banana and a couple of handfuls of nuts. I kept procrastinating about recording them. And then I realised that I really did not want to add them to my food diary

That's weird. What possible difference could it make. No-one reads my diary and even if they did a handful of nuts and a banana is not exactly going to leap off the page. It wasn't going to ruin a perfect day or anything - the stuff I planned to eat and had already logged had put me far into the red. So why would I try to get out of writing it down? I'm not sure of the answer but I think it has something to do with fooling myself. And I'm sure there's some sort of interesting information about my psych in there.

Just for the record I did eventually record them at the end of the day.

I've blogged before about the fact that last year was a bit of a write off as far as weight loss. I bounced up and down (more up than down) by about 3kg but roughly finished the year where I started it. I never managed to get into a routine of logging last year. So now I'm back to where I ended the year but with the advantage that I'm back into logging. Hopefully that means I can continue on a generally downwards trend, get back to the lowest weight I ever recorded and then continue on until I finally get to the weight I want to be. 

Back on the wagon

Alright. Two weeks since my last blog. And that means it has been 3 weeks of logging. I feel as though I'm slowly making it a habit again. My exercise has been increasing as well... my fitness levels are no where near where I want them but I'm pushing through and I know if I can stick with it things will improve.

Weigh in tomorrow. Last week I stayed the same so hopefully this week shows a loss. 

Dragging myself back on that horse...

Well I made it! One week of logging every day. I didn't log accurately - that wasn't possible the first half of the week due to it being the first few days of the school year and me having lunch provided at work-but I did log. Sure, I could have brought my own but I wanted to eat with everyone else on those first few days, get to know the new folks, catch up with the old.

Anyway it wasn't really about the numbers this week. It was about trying to get back into the habit of logging. I think I only managed to log about 4 days in the entire of last school year. So a whole week isn't bad. I won't claim to be back into the habit yet but I've made a start and if I can keep it up for a few more weeks I think I'll be back on track with that.

It's been about 10 days since I flew back into Bulgaria and I'm still struggling with my sleeping. It has gotten better, the last 2 days I've slept until around 4:30am (I usually get up at 5am in the week so that isn't bad although today is Saturday and I would have liked some extra sleep). For a while there I was waking around 1:30am and that was not good. The trouble is I really haven't felt up to any exercise because I'm so exhausted by the time I make it home from work (waking up at 1:30 am ensures you're pretty tired by 7pm). I have been cycling to/from work (20km round trip) but nothing apart from that. I'm hoping to build in more purposeful exercise this coming week.

My reward was a loss of 0.8 kg. I'm pretty happy with that! 

Now I just have to take how good it feels to be losing weight instead of putting it on, bottle that feeling and use it to keep me on this track.  


3 kg....and out of excuses.

Well summer is over and it was AWESOME.

Two months road tripping around the USA. Camping, hiking, seeing a whole lof of beautiful stuff. And all in the company of my very favourite person. I really couldn't ask for more. As expected the only not awesome thing is the effect it had on my weight/fitness. I'm about 3kg heavier than I was a couple of months back AND I'm a lot less fit. Yes, I did some great hikes (including to the bottom of the Grand Canyon) but I also did an awful lot of sitting on my butt (we drove over 5000 miles) and a lot of eating (damn you Chipotle for being so good).

I've been on this site for around 2.5 years. The first year and a half I was in Japan and I was pretty focused. I lost around 25 kg (a huge amount on a shorty like me) and made a big increase in my fitness. I took up running and worked my way up from barely surviving 60 seconds of running to doing my first 5k, my first 10k and then finally a 14k race just after I left Japan.

The last year however has not been as positive. I put on a few kg last summer and then didn't manage to shift them all year. I wasn't too surprised. New country, new job, new role and new relationship made it quite a rollercoaster of a year. Losing weight has always been something I really need to focus on to achieve and so with my focus on so many other things (all positive, I'm not complaining) I really wasn't surprised that I didn't lose weight and was actually relieved not to put more on.

But now I'm out of excuses. I'm not new at my job anymore. The relationship is still fantastic but it's not new either. I'm pretty used to life in Bulgaria and I can't really use that as an excuse anymore either. So it's time to get back in the game. I MUST start to log. I know this. I must do this. Over and over I've shown it's the onlyl thing that works for me. I also need to focus on getting back some fitness. I've gone from running 8k once or twice a week before the summer to maybe running 4k this morning (I did the whole 8k, I just walked about half of it).

I know what to do. I just have to actually do it. 

That's a wrap...

One of the weird things about being a teacher in the northern hemisphere is that your year ends in the middle! I grew up in Australia (where schools years line up with calendar years) and even though the majority of my teaching career has been in the northern hemisphere I still get a little kick out of that fact.

Tomorrow is the last day of the school year, my first year at this school and my first as part time admin, part time teacher. It's been a great year in a lot of ways but also a very steep learning curve. I'm not sorry that it's coming to an end, I get to take a break and then when I come back in August I'll no longer be "new".

In my last post I admitted that in terms of healthy eating and fitness this year has been pretty much a wash. While I would have been happy to report otherwise I'm not really surprised. I've never managed to move countries without gaining weight (and I've moved countries quite a lot so I've definitely put this to the test) and so the fact that I finished the year at the same weight I started it (even though it's a few kg above my lowest weight which was still a few kgs above what I want to weigh) is somewhat of a victory.

My hopes now are that I don't do too much damage over the summer and that when I come back next year I can have a stronger focus on fitness/healthy eating. I'm going to be spending the summer doing a massive road trip in the U.S. Hopefully the ridiculous portion sizes will be offset by all the hiking I'm planning to do. Traveling with my skinny vegan boyfriend will help out too with any luck.


It's been a year!

No, not since I started on MFP. A year since I stopped taking this weight loss/healthy living thing seriously.

So not exactly a date to celebrate. 

Actually probably more than a year. This time last year I'd just wrapped up living in Japan (after 5 years) and was back in Australia for the summer (or for the winter since it was Australia). I'm pretty sure my slide into mediocrity began at least a few weeks before I left Japan.

I left Japan weighing about 56.6 kg. By the time I arrived in Bulgaria 2 months later I was 60.6 kg. Quite a gain over a few months (actually it was more like 3 months because I didn't weigh myself until my scales had arrived and I'd settled).

Last Saturday when I weighed myself I was 60.6 kg! Quite a coincidence given that the past 10 months look like a rollercoaster. I've been up as high as 62kg and down as low as 58kg. This Saturday will be my last weigh in for a few months. I have to be at the airport by 5am the following Saturday so chances are I won't think of weighing first. Then I'll be having adventures for a few months so no weighing while that's happening either.

The Bad - Obviously that I didn't lose weight, didn't log, didn't get down to the weight I think would be best for me.

The Good - I didn't pile all the weight back on.

There's no excuse (she says then types out her excuses) but it has been quite a year. I moved countries (and to a totally different way of life, Eastern Europe after a decade in Asia), started a new job (at a level I'd never done before), fell in love (awwwww) and managed to keep my sanity. While it would have been ideal to have kept a decent focus on my eating and exercise as well I don't feel like I'm in a horrible place. Hopefully once I return after the summer I'll be able to regain my focus. 

And at least I'm still here... if nothing else I haven't stopped paying attention entirely.

This just isn't my focus anymore

Hmmm this poor neglected blog.

I feel like I should at least write occasionally just so I haven't abandoned it entirely. But then I have nothing in particular to say because it's pretty much just more of the same. My weight continues to bounce up and down with a slight upwards trend. I continue to know that's a bad thing but not to have the discipline/motivation/mental strength to get back on track.

I'm not eating horribly. I'm still exercising (although no where near what I once was). I'm just not being diligent enough to lose weight.

I think that really sums up the entire problem. For me to lose weight experience (years and years and years of it - a lifetime in fact) shows that losing weight has to be the main focus of my existance. I just can't seem to multi-task on this.  And right now there's just so much else that I need/want to focus on.

Now I realise this is to some extent just an excuse. Many (possibly most) have more going on that they need to focus on than me (family, illness, job stress etc). I know I'm pretty lucky. But I'm not sure how to get my brain to lose weight when it can't be the primary thing in my life.

So for now I'll just keep hanging on in here. Trying to log in most days, even if it's been almost a year since I logged properly. Weighing in once a week, even if it's an upwards trend at least I'm not ignoring it entirely. Hoping that at some point I either master the art of losing weight withough having to make it my entire focus or that I get back to a point where I'm prepared to focus on it.

In areas apart from weight loss life is going great. I'm 6 weeks away from the end of the school year. That means I'm only 6 weeks away from (hopefully) having survived a complete cycle in my new job. While many of the stresses will be the same next year knowing that I've done it once before will be a huge confidence boost. Next year I'll no longer be the new person and I'll start the school year with so much more idea of what's going on, My personal life is going wonderfully too. I met someone special, I'm very happy. Visa issues means he can't always be around but in a few hours I'm off to the airport to pick him up and he can stay 4 weeks. Happy!

What's gone wrong?

Wow. My last entry was way back in January and here we are almost half way through April. Where does the time go?

Unfortuntely I haven't been using the time between then and now in any productive sense (when it comes to health/weight loss) and I've continued to lose/gain with the gains being a little bigger than the losses. So overall my weight is up a couple of kgs. Not good.

Work has been busy and stressful and unfortunately I stress eat. It's not that the job is bad at all, I knew when I took this job that there would be a huge learning curve and that the first year in particular would be full of challenges. It certainly has been but I'm not complaining. The job is great, the people I work with supportive and I'm learning loads. The stress is just a natural consequence of me taking on a completely new role in a new country at a new (to me) school.

And really it's not about stress. It's about me just not caring enough, slacking off, not logging, not exercising regularly. Part of that is due to business/stress but if I'm honest that's not the real reason, it's just that somewhere inside I've lost my motivation. Weight loss is always going to require a big effort on my part and unless I'm willing to focus on it and make it a real priority then it's just not going to happen.

I'd like to be here claiming that I'm back in a position where I'm ready to work to make that happen but honestly I'm not. I'm about to fly off to Cardiff for a few days for meetings and then that will back on to Easter holidays so a week spent traveling around in Wales (since someone else was paying for the flights it seemed crazy not to take advantage). Then once I get back I've got friends planning to visit and then it's almost the summer and... you get the picture, I've got excuses.

So I'm sort of checking in, not in the promise that I'm about to mend my ways, but rather as an admission that I'm way off track at the moment. 

And I do keep trying to log in every day so that I'm at least keeping the whole weight/eating thing somewhere in my mind. It's a poor consolation but I figure it's better than disappearing altogether (which of course is what I'm tempted to do when I have nothing positive to report).

Failing - and not giving up

A few weeks ago I wrote about my New Year's Resolution.

I chose to give up chocolate for the year and detailed my reasons why on that blog entry.

I lasted 17 days. Yesterday, Jan 18th I broke my resolution. Why you ask? A really stupid reason.

I was at a quiz night. One of the rounds was called "Sweet and Salty". You had to eat a whole bunch of stuff and figure out the flavour. It was all good fun. In the salty category other people were trying things first and the ones they identified as meat flavoured (bacon, chicken etc) I didn't try (I'm vegetarian). When it got to the sweet category there were two samples of chocolate. We broke it up, each ate a piece and figured out what the flavours were (chilli and orange as it turns out). I thought both were gross so I actually only ate a very small amount of each.

All fun and games. Then about 5 minutes later it hit me what I'd done. DAMN IT!! I ate stupid chocolate and I didn't even like it!

So that's my sad story of the broken resolution. Of course I'm not giving up. I feel like I broke the letter of the law but not the spirit. And, if I make it through the rest of the year without eating any more chocolate (or even with a few more forgetful slips) it will still be quite an achievement.

On other news I've started a group (on here) and am going to try and get 9 other people to join and be super focused for the next 3 weeks. In the past I've found that helpful and I'm hoping that I will again. I'll keep you posted!

I lost a little (very little) weight last week and I'm hovering not to far off getting back under 60kg which I'd really like to see happen. 

Finally, some good news.

January 12th...only a few days until we're half way through the month. At this time of year I tell myself things like that constantly, it's a reassurance that long days and warmth will eventually be coming back.

For the first time in months and months I'm going to say I've just had a good week. That makes a nice change! I logged every day (not weekends, I still don't do those) and although I was over calories every single day (by around 1000 calories most days!) I felt like I was being healthy and making good progress. I exercised every day (during the week, not weekends) and several days managed to exercise twice (swim in the morning and then a run or Jillian in the evening).

End result, 1.2kg loss. Now it has to be said I've been losing and gaining the same 1.5 kg for a long time now. And I knew last week's weigh in was probably high because it was the day after a flight and i always seem to weigh in high then. So I'm taking that number with a grain of salt, the true test will be whether I can continue on with this for a few weeks in a row. Keep logging, keep exercising and keep losing.

Still, it's the most positive I've felt about MFP in a very long time - lets hope I'm actually back on the wagon. 

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