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Bye Buddy

We had to say goodbye to our oldest dog last week and even though I knew it was coming, it hit me hard. 

Losing a four-legged family member hurts. That night we had a few drinks, celebrated our dog's long life; we laughed and cried when we shared our special moments. 

The next day I spent in hibernation, that's what I do when I feel hurt. I draw back from everything; close the curtains and dim the light and feel sorry for myself. During the hibernation process, I normally enjoy unhealthy food and beverages. One can not hibernate and grieve with water, carrot sticks and celery -at least not in my opinion.

I sat there in my misery and took a trip back on memory lane. I thought about our walks with the dogs and about the time when I trained them. They were a handful when we got them. Rescue dogs with no manners, they didn't know how to behave. I ran and played with them, even taught them to run beside me when I rode the bike. 

Only 12 years ago I was in good shape, could do all those things. Today I can hardly walk, and I make funny, loud breezing noises when I move too fast. Things sure have changed. 

I stayed in hibernation for a day but didn't overeat. I had a few glasses of wine in the evening, but I didn't fall into the ice cream bucket and I didn't eat a mountain of cookies and sweets. I didn't eat much at all -what is unheard of. 

On Saturday we drove around in the neighborhood. The weather was perfect for our annual community garage sale. We bought a few things that we didn't know we needed, and our way home we stopped at a neighbors house. 

My husband looked at some tools and I studied the exercise equipment. My neighbor is close to my age, and she is good shape. I stepped on an expensive looking elliptic trainer and started pedaling. It took 1 minute and 15 seconds before I started huffing and puffing and I had to stop. 

Many of my friends here on MFP use the elliptical machine every day for 20, 30, 40 and even 60 minutes and I manage to use it for 1 minute and 15 seconds. 

Pretty pathetic isn't it? Well, I bought the fancy elliptical trainer. It's now in our garage waiting for the moment when I will be cleared to work out -what should be soon. 

We still have two dogs at home. One is older as well, she loves to nap, but the young one, that's the one I am cheating out of a lot. We adopted her last year when she was a few weeks old. 

I have never been on a walk with her. She is a backyard dog and played with Buddy most of the time. Sometimes I drive down to the lake and I let her run, but that's all we do.

Now I have the equipment to get me back into shape. I owe it to myself and to the dogs. 

By the end of the summer, I want to be able to go for a long walk with the dogs. By the end of the summer, I want to be able to play with the dogs outside.

I miss my Buddy and I know the dogs do too. He was part of our family. I feel sad of course but also grateful that he was with us.

I don't want our animals to suffer under my weight.  I need to push myself harder. 

 8-16-2015 004 - Copy


62 votes + -


cathipa wrote 5 months ago:
So sorry for your loss.
joycefarmer68 wrote 5 months ago:
Sorry for your loss of your beloved Buddy. I still mourn the loss of our Jake he was 5 yrs old. Not sure why he got sick? Took him to several vets...anyway you still will have the good memories of Buddy. Keep going and you will be able to enjoy your dogs by the end of summer. ;)
SweetP27 wrote 5 months ago:
So sorry for your loss. We have two senior dogs and there are days already when I cry just thinking about life without them. In regards to the elliptical - when you are cleared to exercise - don't get caught up in the comparisons. If you can do 1 minute and 15 seconds - you do that. The next week it will be two minutes or three maybe five. But each week it will grow. Take some deep breaths as you find your new normal w/o Buddy.
shlottelac wrote 5 months ago:
Animals love us in such a beautiful way, they love us exactly the way we are and loosing a pet after so many years is really painful...
Speaking of the elliptical, it's not easy to start from no training at all! Don't be hard on you! Maybe you could also start walking with the dogs on a short walk and then progressively walk a little longer!
bertadee812 wrote 5 months ago:
I am so sorry that you lost your friend Buddy; I can only imagine the grief that you are feeling.

I'm glad that you are working to get in shape so that you will be able to take walks with your dogs - I have two little dogs and they are my joy. We take walks every day, twice a day. Little stinkers - I couldn't get out of that if I wanted to; they know their routine! My Sam is 10ish - I rescued him about 9 years ago and was told he was 18 months old at the time. You would never know it from his energy though. The vet says he has a heart murmur, but it doesn't seem to affect him at this point. Tina (Beanie) is about 8 - I rescued her 8 years ago and was told that she was 6 months old. She is my ball hound - loves nothing better than chasing after the ball, and when she leaps and catches it mid-air she is very proud of herself.

You're doing great, be patient, and continue to be kind to yourself. (((Hugs)))
joanthemom8 wrote 5 months ago:
I love having my dogs to go walking /running with. Most of the time, it's they who motivate me to go out with them. I never say, "I'm going for a walk" or "I'm going for a run". It's always, "I'm going to take the woofies for a run/walk." Sometimes I don't feel like going, but they've come to expect it from me on the weekends, so we go.
You are doing great and you are allowed to grieve. I'm a dog person too, so I know how you feel. Hang in there! Hugs to you!
Gardengal1222 wrote 5 months ago:
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your best friend Buddy. It never is easy to lose a fur-baby. In time... each day will become a little easier for you to get through. Hang in there. You will always have your precious memories of Buddy.
Dootzy1 wrote 5 months ago:
Oh, the tears welled up, as I read this. Sorry to hear about your loss. I had to say goodbye to a lovely tuxedo cat earlier this year, and it still stings. They take a piece of our hearts when they leave. I wish you all the best with your goal!

musicsax wrote 5 months ago:
Hugs to you to help you with your greiving and for managing your hibernation without overindulging in goodies. You are handling life really well, your determination shows, you will be walking your other dogs soon, I know it! Keep up the good work.
Junebug22c1 wrote 5 months ago:
I guess a lot of us have had to walk that walk! BUT! It sure does not make it ANY easier! I am so sorry for your loss. I have 3 small dogs now 2 are 9 years 1 is 10 years. I am dreading it!
davanz wrote 5 months ago:
I'm so sorry to hear this! Pets are special parts of our lives and it's hard to go on without them. But I think it says a lot about how much progress you've made that you're inspired by it to be a better and healthier pet owner and person. You can reach your goal!
elffkin wrote 5 months ago:
So sorry; the grieving process takes awhile. I still miss my dog, but I am also grateful for having had him in my life. Take those walks with your doggies, you and your pets will be so happy together. Hang in there and best wishes.
WildAngelJoy wrote 5 months ago:
I am sorry for the loss of your beloved Buddy. I had to put my Brandy, a red mini dachshund, down 6-27-15 and still missed. Pets love unconditionally and they leave their paw prints on our hearts. Despite your loss, you didn't fall victim to emotional eating..good for you! And you will enjoy walking the doggies, just start slowly and build up. Blessings to you at this difficult time.
Crinkle99 wrote 5 months ago:
Buddy sounds like a sweetheart. Please be kind to yourself about your struggles with your weight and health. Self hate because of my weight has only hurt me.
jacqulyndoug wrote 5 months ago:
So sorry for your loss. I also have to older dogs as well. Be patience with yourself and try a real easy excercise.
attawayfamily4 wrote 5 months ago:
I'm so sorry for your loss. As I type this my 13 year old American Bulldog, Oscar, sleeps next to me, wheezing and snoring. We just came back from a very slow walk, which we do twice a day. I don't know what I'll do when he leaves us. I love this animal as I know you loved your Buddy. Stay strong and good luck on your journey.
RazzyBerry54 wrote 5 months ago:
I feel your pain. Dogs love us unconditionally, and though they expect us to love them back and do what is good for them, we (being human)fail them frequently. Our lives affects their lives as we share our overeating and under-exercising until they share our unhealthiness. My husband and I have two rescues, who we adore. But a fenced in back yard allows us to "let them out to do their business" instead of a companionable walk exploring the neighborhood together. KC, our 12 year old lab/chow is almost 100 lbs, his weight preventing surgical removal of a tooth. Diva, our 8 year old polkadotted aussie/blue heeler is lounging more, instead of her usual high energy "throw the tennis ball, throw the tennis ball" self. As I grieve with you, I also want you to know, you inspired take those walks, throw that ball, and to watch not only my food, but theirs. And may we all get healthy, and live longer, happier lives. Thank you!

kjwishon wrote 5 months ago:
I'm so sorry for your loss. My oldest dog is 17 now and living the old-dog life. She's going in for surgery on a foot tumor in 2 weeks and we're hoping for the best - she was my first puppy and I can't imaging losing her (though that reality is likely not far off).

I don't know what life would be without dogs.
Buttons61 wrote 5 months ago:
Beautiful picture of your Buddy! I am proud of you too for not overeating on what is an emotional roller coaster ride. Thank you for loving him and providing him with a loving home all these years, especially in his latter years. So many people don't! I love older dogs, they are special! My Chester is 19, and can not see too well or hear, which he does use to his advantage. I have a 2 year old hound also and I was thinking of your thoughts just this week! My 63 yr. old self is a lot slower for the first time in my lifetime of dogs. What a beautiful way to remember all our "buddies" and be healthy and fit for them! Thanks for the inspiration!
Montepulciano wrote 5 months ago:
I read that and all I could think was how much of an amazing life Buddy had as a result of being adopted by you and your family. I love that your memories reminded you and poked your motivation of why you are here and doing this 'getting healthy' thing. Thank you for sharing!
franklin505 wrote 5 months ago:
What a lovely narrative, I am sorry that your dog died. You did well not to go on a bender. Those elliptical machines are bl***y hard work I can do about 2mins then I get off walk about a bit puffing then get back on for another minute. That's how it goes for about 6 mins. Don't be so hard on yourself,achieve small goals and you'll be fine.
rodc911 wrote 5 months ago:
Sorry - Unfortunately, I understand such a loss.
sarajoellen wrote 5 months ago:
It is hard to lose a fur baby. Unconditional love is all they have to offer us, and many take it for granted. You don't. I am sorry for your loss, but I am grateful he had you in his life and that you had him in yours.
sheryl135 wrote 5 months ago:
So sorry for your loss. We lost our 10 year old golden retriever in March. Losing a dog is so hard and we still think of her often. My other dog mourned for awhile so take care of yourself and don't worry about the weight loss for now. It will come.
dochazzard wrote 5 months ago:
I'm so sorry. I know this pain. I had to put my dog to sleep on May 4th. He had intestinal cancer and lymphoma. He was suffering tremendously and you wouldn't have known it. Good on you for allowing yourself to grieve without all the bad indulgences that can come with that.
pizzafruit wrote 5 months ago:
What a great way to honor Buddy. Pets make us better human beings. Every step you take is a reminder of that unconditional love and it can only grow. Take care.
rdmyown wrote 5 months ago:
So sorry for your loss. I have had to say goodbye to two senior cats, and two senior dogs in the past two years and it does not get any easier. But it helps to know they are no longer in pain and it would have been selfish for me to keep them around just for me. Rejoice in your memories.
rhdinah wrote 5 months ago:
Sorry about your loss of Buddy. I can relate as I've lost so many of my rescued kitties. My Family of Five all died within a period of a year ... so it was tough. I've two now ... all I'm allowed to have. Best wishes during this mourning period for your bud Buddy. He'll always be with you. <3
rosiegirl2010 wrote 5 months ago:
So sorry for your loss of Buddy. He is not gone, just gone on ahead. He is waiting at the Rainbow Bridge.
futuresize8 wrote 5 months ago:
I am so happy you had Buddy to love and to be loved by. And I am so sorry that he has passed away. He's inspiring you to move further in your quest for fitness and health and I think that is a beautiful way to honor his time here on Earth...
rccsinger wrote 5 months ago:
So sorry for your loss. . .our furbabies leave a hole in our hearts when they are gone. . .fortunately over time the memories fill the hole!
tdjna wrote 5 months ago:
Sounds like your Buddy had a great life after you rescued him. The world needs more people like you.
Sgries wrote 5 months ago:
I am so sorry for your loss of Buddy. He sounds like he was a great dog.
whatsizbucket wrote 5 months ago:
So sorry for your loss.
hopetobethin312 wrote 5 months ago:
I am So sorry for your loss...It is very hard. Buddy sure did sound like a great pup. Glad to hear you are very motivated to get healthy for your fur babies. I am doing the same as well.
themedalist wrote 5 months ago:
What a lovely tribute to Buddy. As the Mom of 3 dogs (two are rescues) I can empathize with the pain you are going through right now. Good job not succumbing to overeating! It's not that easy to always follow, but this is so true: "If hunger isn't the problem, then eating isn't the solution".
merijom wrote 5 months ago:
I feel your pain. We too had to make the decision to say goodbye to our 12 year old Beau. I was with him when he was born and I was with him as he closed his eyes for the last time.

I understand the hibernation as well. But, I also know that I have to make myself move to another place...both mentally and order to move on.

Pity party is only allowed for one 24 hour period...then move on. I'm not saying forget...I'm not saying don't grieve. I am saying find another way to honor his memory and make peace with the loss.

As to the healthy friends...don't try to compare yourself to them. You made it one minute and 15 seconds!!! That's one minute and 15 seconds you moved...for you! Next 2 minutes.

You can do this...and you will smile when you think of your special fur family member...
KimsHealthJourney wrote 5 months ago:
I'm so sorry for your loss. I wasn't able to have kids so my kids are my 2 dogs... and they sure grow on us.

I have access to an elliptical bike at work. And I only do the leg workouts on it. And I push hard when I do it, but it isn't enough.

You really sound like my kind of people. Your heart was in that article. It gave me so many different emotions as I read the blog start to finish and it made me want to share and hug you. I also have a huge heart and love my pets very much.

I like the thought of working harder so your pets have more fun with you. I have to get down on the floor to get my Pomeranian to play with me. She's the 9 year old and I didn't realize that she still played until I laid on the floor one day with my foam roller and she got really excited when I was down to her level. My other dog will jump all over anyone and anything. So now I make more of an effort to get down on the floor with my Pomeranian and enjoy her while she is still here.

Remember you didn't wake up one day overweight. It took several days/months/perhaps years to get to the weight you were at at your heaviest. You can only do so much in one day. As long as you are living your life to the fullest and trying and seeing progress along the way, you are winning in my opinion!! Good luck and keep at it!

But I'm still very sorry for the loss of such a cherished pet. Hugs.
lindarpolk wrote 4 months ago:
Sorry for your loss. I've lost a special dog, too.

I loved using the elliptical at the gym, but I didn't renew my membership and really miss it. It took me a while to get used to it. I don't know why it got easier with time--it just did, so I don't have any advice for making it easier. At first I called it the drunken sailor machine because I had to work so hard to not fall off! Eventually I came to love the thing.

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