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I forgot to remember

I don't remember what it feels like to be a healthy weight. I turn 37 years old soon, and I've never been a healthy weight as an adult. In fact, most of high school I was obese. I'm sure a lot of people can relate.

Last time I was a healthy weight, I:

  • would have been a freshman in high school
  • was active
  • had my first job at 14 years old that was very physical work
  • lacked the pain and discomfort that can go with obesity
  • did not think about calories
  • did not think about exercise as exercise
  • definitely, most definitely did not have a muffin top

These are facts. They are not feelings. They are not something I can revisit as a tangible memory. They do not transport my mind back to that time in a way that I can really know what it was like to be me back then. I remain the silent observer of my memories.

There are a lot of good changes that have happened with this most recent effort to get healthy again, including not making it just about weight, but about getting proper nutrition. There are a lot of indicators that my success of losing 50 lbs will continue on to become 140 lbs lost eventually, or whatever that final number truly is. Right now, it's guesswork. Believe me, if I reach 125 lbs lost and find that's my ideal weight, I'll be pretty thrilled not to need to lose any more.

Even so, I know that I'm a human and humans have frailty. It's a scary thought, really. What keeps me going this time is a blend of knowing I am fuly capable of succeeding (that's the confidence I need) and knowing that I can't afford to fail this time because my health reached a point where failure is far more serious than it ever would have been before (that's the humility and fear I need to balance the confidence).

I don't remember what a healthy me is like. I wish I could conjure up the essence of what it feels. I bet that'd add to my motivation. I will keep on working toward making it an actual experience again, with my inner confidence and my humility and my fear. I'm thankful for all the daily support that I get, making this possible. My confidence, the key ingredient to driving me forward, is fueled in part by those words of encouragement.

 Let's make this happen for each of us, this time rather than next time.

21 votes + -

10 comments:

MattGetsMad wrote 27 months ago:
as usual, good blog.
81Katz wrote 27 months ago:
Very well written. I can relate to some of it. For the first time in a very long time I feel healthy and the amount of motivaion I have to get out and move is really crazy. Something I lacked forrrrever!
wild_wild_life wrote 27 months ago:
Ease is the opposite of dis-ease. And it feels . . . like nothing. Which is why you don't appreciate it until you lose it. Nothing is awesome! I always enjoy your posts.
SusieLamon wrote 27 months ago:
I wish I could conjure up a picture of what I'd look like at a healthy weight. It would be the ultimate motivation! Let's do make it happen this time! Good blog.
Patty_Petz wrote 27 months ago:
Truly another drop of awesomeness!
penelepurr wrote 27 months ago:
wonderful writings! :)
jipsybird wrote 27 months ago:
This is indeed awesome! It's good to have some reminder of what healthy is. You will totally get there. :)
ahealthy4u wrote 27 months ago:
Very well said once again you are master of words and wizdom
michellelhartwig wrote 27 months ago:
Very well written! Thank you for sharing!
cbirdso wrote 27 months ago:
I know you can do it because I did. I went from sickness, weakness, and being overweight, to health and fitness. You'll get there.

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