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How to Bust a Plateau, Rambo-style! (or perhaps Jagger-style)

Plateaus in weight loss are the invention of evil sprites with a penchant for gleeful mischief. However, don't worry. We can bust those plateaus and get right back to losing. Here's a list of methods you can try:

1. Set a land mine near your bathroom scale. This should be powerful enough to completely obliterate the scale without destroying your bathtub. You DO want to soak after a workout, right? Give yourself a 4-second timer to get out of the way of chunks of flying bathroom tile. Have a broom ready.

2. Learn to make a snare. Tie this to a tree that doesn't look too flimsy. If you can't climb the tree because the branches snap, this is too flimsy. If you can climb it and it bends all the way back to the ground, this is perfect. Use that for the snare. Don't ask me how to do the rest. I was only a cub scout. Anyway, set the snare and then put out bait, perhaps Reese's Pieces since Plateaus are like E.T.s in that way. Lie in wait. It'll all fall into place. Roast that Plateau for dinner.

3. Have a beauty pageant in your closet. Make sure only your older clothes from when you were at your highest weight are available for the Plateau to try on. Then, have the pageant, and you be the judge. Remember not to let the Plateau win. It can be Miss Congeniality. That'll frustrate it to no end, and it'll scamper away. 

(note: For the guys, replace "beauty pageant" with "Guitar Hero competition" and "Miss Congeniality" with "Mick Jagger.")

4. Have it eat nothing but apples for one day. Ok, that's silly. Make it apples, apple juice, apple pie, apple butter, apple jacks, apple jolly ranchers, Apple computers. By the end of the day, the Plateau's going to be SO SICK that it'll just have to relent. It may have problems digesting the MacBook's hard drive, though.

 Good luck. Any of these methods should certainly be a sure-fire way to bust any plateau in weight loss, unless it isn't effective at all.


[Oh, you were expecting REAL methods? If I had a definite answer that'd work for everyone, I'd be rich. That said, what works for me, usually, is making sure I have lots of fruits and vegetables and reduce my sodium for a few days.]

28 votes + -


MommyTKD wrote 68 months ago:
And once again, throughout all the land, Plateaus were quaking in their boots.... nicely played, Goblin. Nicely played.
jipsybird wrote 68 months ago:
Love it!
mum32008 wrote 68 months ago:
lol this is really good : )
cord62185 wrote 68 months ago:
rachemn wrote 68 months ago:
LOL! I love you for this!
ktdid626 wrote 68 months ago:
Cute. I smiled very big at the thought of ducking for cover while my scale blew to smithereens.
Moonladee wrote 68 months ago:
OMFG... Too funny dude!!! Love it!!

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