Sumo's Rants

The Wheels Keep Turnin'

Wed, 30 May 2012 14:35:53 GMT

It's been about two and a half months since I've touched a dumbbell. I feel like I've just completely regressed since March 10th, which is when I strained/pulled the muscles in my upper back which work the rotator cuff. My cardio habits have gone from 5-6 days a week, down to 2 days if I'm lucky. I am always so sore and just feel like every part of me should have an "out of service" sign attached. My eating isn't atrocius, but it isn't pretty either. And it's never been "clean". Something I really must work harder to focus on. I even thought of signing up for Nutrisystem just because it's portion controlled and mostly decent (with the exception of probably the sodium).

I feel that because I've been hanging around at the same weight since about July of last year, I've just gotten more and more frustrated to the point of giving up. But I won't completely quit. I've never been a quitter. I may not be the best at something, but the one thing I've always been proud of saying about myself is "you CAN'T make ME quit!" And I'm not about to let that start now.

I can say that my metabolism has probably adjusted back to a less than appreciated level, and that will hopefully allow me to see some new progress. I plan to also start doing my Friday weigh-ins again, good or bad. I had stopped for a while because I don't like the "artificial" loss (as I call it) when I go up and then drop back down. But I will start doing that again, just as a motivator.

That being said, I do feel that I have "fallen off the wagon" and need to grab hold of one of those leather straps dangling off the back of the wagon so that I can pull myself back up. I'm going to use this week to try and get things out of my system and reset for the first full week of June next week. My mindset will be "go HARD or go HOME!" going forward.

I will try and ease back into the dumbbells to make sure I don't stress the already stressed muscles (especially on my left side due to a nerve impingement) and I will mix my "cardio" up. Instead of trying to do jogging intervals, I will try and press myself a bit when I do intervals... but this time, I will also rotate days between intervals and start doing some moderate walking to try and get into and stay in that "fat burning" zone, as opposed to the cardio zone. But I need to ensure my cardio is still good for my upcoming fight... especially since the cardio is the biggest factor.

I CAN do this. I KNOW it... and more importantly... I BELIEVE IT!

Big Belly (Body Type) Diet - Interesting Article on DoctorOz.com

Thu, 03 May 2012 17:23:38 GMT

There are many folks out there who take Dr. Oz as gospel. My mom being one of them. But I subscribe to his twitter feed as well as his daily emails. One of them recently (also airing throughout the week) discussed the body type diet. I found what it said to be pretty interesting.

I was almost a pre-mature baby. I weighed in at a little under 6oz when I was born. My older brother on the other hand, was a bit of a watermelon, weighing in over 10lbs. If you looked at the two of us, you probably wouldn't be able to tell we were brothers. He's tall and thin (with a beer belly) and I'm tall and fat. Based on the article, we are a perfect representation of the two body types. Below is the link for the actual article, as well as the portion for the "big belly" folks who are the "apple" body type.

(And I actually had to chuckle a bit at the "jellyfish" remark, because it's SO true!)

http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/body-type-diet-solutions-big-belly-or-big-butt

1. What did you weigh at birth?

If you weighed less than 7 pounds at birth, you fall into the “hunter” body type. Hunters are more apt to put on belly fat later in life. Hunters keep most of their body fat in their belly and chest while their legs and butt stay thin. This type of body fat distribution is referred to as the android type (apple shape). Fat in the abdomen is associated with a higher risk of serious health problems including heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, cholesterol problems and cancer.

If you weighed 7-10 pounds at birth, you’re body fits into the “farmer” type, which means you’ll be more prone to gain weight in your butt as you age. Farmers have big butts, hips and thighs and a narrow waist. This kind of body fat distribution is known as the gynecoid type (pear shape). While farmers are less prone to serious health issues, they are more likely to experience mechanical issues, such as varicose veins and joint disorders.

2. How do you float?

Where your fat is distributed in your body determines how you float in water. If you have a big belly, the fat in that area is going to cause you to float like a jellyfish with your belly rising up high, and your legs dangling down like tentacles.

If you have fat in your butt and legs, you tend to float like a board with your legs out straight and your feet sticking upward.

Why People Store Their Fat Above or Below The Waist

Stress hormones are the primary cause of belly fat stored above the waist. Referred to as omentum or visceral fat, it pumps out chemicals that not only crush your internal organs but also keep you fat. The hormone estrogen can be blamed for creating a big butt, thighs and hips since it directs fat to be deposited in these areas. Both of these body types require different strategies to lose weight. Here’s how you can melt belly fat and bust butt fat once and for all.

Melt Belly Fat: The Right Diet

High Protein Diet

Big belly types need to eat like their hunter/gatherer ancestry who lived by hunting game, catching fish, picking berries and so forth. These folks couldn’t hunt a loaf of bread nor a bowl of pasta and neither should you. Hunter types need a low-glycemic diet that fuels their metabolism with protein instead of starch. Feast on protein such as a chicken burger for lunch or turkey meatloaf for dinner. Have a side of mashed cauliflower instead of starchy potatoes to lose weight and whittle your middle.

Skip Breakfast

Studies show that people with big bellies who eat breakfast end up consuming more calories throughout the day. In fact, the typical hunter is often not hungry for breakfast and needs more time to build an appetite. They are more likely to feast than graze. To lose your big belly, skip breakfast and eat lunch and dinner only.

Eat Dessert

Hunters are not alone in that they crave desserts because carbs and sweets make us feel better by raising levels of serotonin, the feel-good hormone. Dr. Liponis recommends eating a little ice cream for dessert since it provides a serotonin boost yet has less sugar and more protein than other options, such as cookies. Look for double-churned ice cream since it usually has less sugar than frozen yogurt and even sherbet.

Drink Pomegranate Juice

Wash down your meals with unsweetened pomegranate juice. This fat-burning beverage is packed with vital antioxidants to counteract the inflammation that leads to belly fat.

Secret Weapons for Your Body Type

Losing weight for your body type isn’t just about what you eat. Here are Dr. Liponis’ additional secret weapons to help make the pounds disappear and reshape your body.

Belly Fat Supplement: Chromium Polynicotinate

Chromium polynicotinate (niacin-bound chromium) is an essential trace element that plays an important role in insulin’s regulation of blood glucose. Because people with belly fat are insulin resistant, they can benefit from this supplement because it helps reduce blood sugar levels. If you have the hunter body type, take 200mcg of chromium polynicotinate daily. Available at drugstores for about $9 a bottle.

Exercises to Melt Belly Fat

Walk at Night

People with belly fat are more likely to store sugar as fat. Since these hunters usually eat their biggest meal of the day at night, they need to get moving by taking a walk after dinner to lower blood sugar levels.

Do the Belly Fat Roll

Belly fat puts more pressure on the spine and can cause back pain. Stretching is important to help loosen the lower back. Try the belly roll:

Lie flat with your arms up. Flatten out the small of your back and hold for 10-15 seconds. Put your hands up towards the sky. Now bring the knees up towards the belly and squeeze in the lower back. Hold for 10-15 seconds and repeat.

Fat Flushers

Unbleached Coffee Filters

People with big bellies often have high cholesterol. When making coffee, use unbleached paper coffee filters to flush out a dangerous compound called cafestol which has been linked to high cholesterol. Even if your coffee filter comes with a mesh filter, use an unbleached paper one as well.

Broken

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 17:21:48 GMT

Have you ever had that feeling that you're broken and that it won't be that much longer before you totally fall to pieces? Well, that’s how I’ve felt for a while now. After fighting in a full contact tournament last year, I took 2 weeks off before starting to train again. I started getting pain in my upper back, as if it needed a good adjusting. So I tried all sorts of things to try and get it to ‘pop’ so that I could get some relief. Nothing helped. I ended up going to a chiropractor and did the initial X-Ray. It showed some problems and the doctor suspected that I had a herniation at some point because of numbness and loss of strength.

The doctor kept urging me to do an MRI and I kept putting it off, fearful of what the results would indicate. About half a year later, I finally went through with the MRI, and it was pretty bad. The tech said she took the scan a little lower than the doc requested because she saw some stuff that didn’t look good. It turns out that I have not just ONE herniated disc, but multiple herniations which run from C2-3 down through T1-2. The worst one being at C5-6, which is impinging on the nerve and is the primary cause for the weakness in my left side (the numbness and tingling dissipated a while ago). Needless to say, he is now urging me to discontinue my training and fighting. But I refuse to until after the next big tournament in July. I have 3 bronze medals and really want that gold. This is the last go around for me, one way or the other. So I refuse to give in.

Now, on top of that, there are the usual aches and pains from training… high ankle sprain, bruised bones, etc etc. But this past weekend, we started doing some fitness testing. Which, for the most part, wasn’t that bad? But after doing push-ups, and prior to running a 40 yard sprint, my shoulder and collarbone really started to bother me. It was some of the most agonizing pain I’ve felt in a while. It was excruciating to reach across my body. I couldn’t even put my shoes on without wanting to cry. My chiropractor was not in yesterday when I went for my routine “neuro-muscular therapy” (deep tissue/sports massage) to work on the affected areas around the hernations. So I explained what I felt to my therapist and that I wondered if I had a partially separated, or completely separated shoulder. She detailed (with the help of a chart) that I most likely strained my trap muscle. So now I’m frustrated because I need to rest up and cannot train, and cannot (or should not) lift weights for probably a week or two. It just seems like I’m never going to heal up and be the ox I once was.

Some days, I just want to throw the towel in and go back to old habits that are still lingering around. But I know that’s not the way. It’s not a good mindset to have. And most of all, it’s not healthy. Those who know me, know that I try to log everything no matter what. So there are days where I will stray and go over calories and such. But I make sure to hold myself accountable. And as long as I don’t completely throw the towel in and call it quits, then it’s perfectly ok to let loose once a week or so. I’m not sure exactly where I was going with this, but wanted to vent frustration in general over my aches and pains, and of course growing older.

On my 35th...

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 21:56:11 GMT

It's a little ironic that on my 35th birthday, I find something so little that it makes me think back to being a kid and some of the things I picked up from my mom while growing up. This morning when I was getting into my car to drive to work, I happened to look down and see a dirty, ugly penny looking at me. Good 'ol Abe was staring up... big cheesy grin and all. I figured, "hey, it's the Year of the Dragon and I'm a Dragon... might as well pick it up." So I did... and I cleaned it off and put it in my pocket. The funny thing is, I immediately started chanting in my head, something that I had learned from my mom as a kid... "Find a penny, pick it up. All the day, you'll have good luck!" It makes sense right? A Dragon, in the Year of the Dragon, on his birthday... finding a penny, heads up... oh, and it happens to be Wednesday... the day to play the lottery and powerball. Of course, it's all a dream and I know the odds of winning the jackpot, but hey... it's my birthday, and I'll dream however I want to.

This may be a bit similar to a blog I posted around the same time last year, but hey... I'm not very creative. lol...

A little over 15 months ago I started an awesome journey. I had to make a change, according to my pulmonologist, in order to live a longer, happier, HEALTHIER life. The journey started off wonderfully. I shed weight rather quickly in the beginning... I was preparing for an amateur fight, so I had a little extra focus. But the fact is, I had focus... whatever the reason was. I made sure to exercise at least 5 times a week and for no less than 30 mins at a time, with most times being between 45 and 60 mins. I would do the treadmill for 3 days and train on 2 days. Our training days consisted of 30 mins of cardio (our choice, typically the stationary bike to give me a little bit of a rest from the treadmill), and then 90 mins of kickboxing drills and sparring. When I weighed in for my fight, I weighed in at 301 lbs. The lightest I had weighed in for the same fight, years before, was 323 lbs. I felt better than ever and I was down 62 lbs from when I started my journey on October 4th, 2010. I was almost at the weight I had left school at (295).

However, since July I have only lost a few lbs. I herniated a disc and lost strength in my left arm and grip. It's slowly coming back and since January 1st I have added resistance training in to my routine, while still being cautious of the weakened side. I know that my eating is not as clean as it should be. I do have some REALLY good days, but I also have some REALLY bad days... for instance, today. But like many out here, I don't care. It's my birthday and I'll do as I choose today. But I am also logging everything I can... even if it's just a close approximation. I know that this is a big part of the process and I will not allow myself to NOT be held accountable for any aspect of this journey... good and bad.

In previous years, I would've quit after my fight... or would have quit after 3 or 4 months of good work. But I was a lot more strict with my eating back then and it was really tough to not go back to old habits. Even now, I find myself nibbling on a piece of chocolate here or there and not logging it, making the assumption I've burned calories to cover it. But that's only lying to myself and letting myself down. In turn, breaking a promise I made to myself. And I absolute abhor breaking promises (which is why I tend not to make them). That being said... I also know that this is not an overnight process. I cannot walk from Tampa, FL to Nome, AK overnight. It's going to take a long time of good, hard walking to get there... there will be many obstacles along the way... mountains to climb... but those mountains are there to make my legs stronger, more solid, and able to take a beating. And when I finally reach that destination... guess what happens... I don't get to sit down and relax. I get to take a short break... and then turn around and make my way back home. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. That is my life. And that is the life for all of us on this journey.

No matter what happens... no matter how bad we do on any given day... the most important thing is to continue to hold ourselves accountable for our actions, but also allowing ourselves forgiveness in order to not be drawn into a deep, dark hole that we do not have the ability to make it out of again. Head up. Eyes forward. One foot in front of the other. We'll get there... even if we stumble a few times and catch a few scrapes and bruises... we WILL get there! *I* WILL GET THERE!

FT7 vs MFP vs Bodybugg

Sat, 24 Dec 2011 18:24:19 GMT

*whew* It's been a pretty good while since I've posted a blog, so I figured, "What better time to post a new blog, other than Christmas Eve?"

Hahaha... ok. Enough of that. The real reason I'm posting a blog is because I'm honestly a bit too lazy to keep checking back into the forums for replies. So hopefully a few people view this and can leave some sound advice for me.

When I first started using MFP, I did not have my bodybugg activated (re-activated, as it would be), so I went with what it automagically calculated for my burns. But it just seemed waaaay too high. For instance, if I used the recumbent bike at a moderate pace (about 24mph), it was calculating well over 1200 calories for an hour. That just seemed nuts to me.

So I decided to reactivate my bodybugg subscription. I've been pretty happy with it, as it gives me a total burn for a 24 hour period. It's interesting to see that on days when I do 30 mins on the treadmill and anywhere between 60-90 mins of kickboxing (sparring and various other drills), along with a walk or two during the day, that I'd burn over 4500 calories... according to the bugg at least. And I've been satisfied with this since it boasts a metabolic accuracy of 90% (based on movement, body temp/sweat, and air temp).

All during this time, since October 4th, 2010, I've lost 64lbs. I don't eat nearly as clean as I should, and because of it, I struggle with the ol' sodium/potassium balance. Luckily, my BP seems to be decent at 120/80 most of the time. However, I have essentially been in a plateau since the start of August (I weighed in for a tournament at 301 even). Recently I was down as far as 297.4, but typically hover around 301/302. I haven't had resistance training in my routine because of issues with a herniated disk and a weakened left side. But that's a different story altogether.

Now, for the real point of this blog. I recently purchased a Polar FT7, since I see many pals who use it and do rather well based on the information they receive from it. I tried it out for the first time today for an hour on the treadmill, in conjunction with my 'bugg. I know how the 'bugg "calculates" it's burn. But I've never really read up on how the average HRM calculates calories burned. I know it asked me for age, height, weight data... so I'm sure that has a piece in it. But does it actually calculate your calories burned based on your HR? For my workout, I would hover around 144bpm for most of the workout (1st 30 mins), which is just over 77% of my max HR (220 - 35 = 185). When I would do my walking interval, it would drop pretty quickly to about 121 bpm, or roughly 65% of my max HR. In the 2nd half of my hour, I had my HR up to 150bpm most of the time, and even up to 157bpm towards the last 10 or 15 mins, with the low end hovering around 130 bpm.

The FT7 calculated my burn at 698 calories for the hour (which is what I am going to go with for this workout). MFP calculated (not sure what it's based on, since it was using my previous entry) my burn at 880 calories toasted. And the Bodybugg calculated my burn for the hour at 1036 calories roasted. So, going with the fact that the 'bugg is boasted to be 90% accurate, which should I use? I mean, personally, I will err on the side of caution and go with the lowest number in this case, but, for anyone who's had experience with a good HRM AND a Bodybugg, what has your experience been and what do you use?

Thank you in advance for any replies (I know it was a lonnnnnnnng post), and I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy Hanukkah!

I Owe It To My Pals

Wed, 28 Sep 2011 02:56:41 GMT

October 4th, 2010. That's a date I will not forget. I promise. And each year thereafter, on that date, I will always remember and celebrate. I will celebrate the chance I took on myself to make a change for the better. On October 4th, 2011, I will have been an active member of MyFitnessPal for one year. This is very significant in my world.

In the past, I have had some pretty decent success with weight loss, but only when I've had something to focus on (amateur San Shou tournaments). In prior attempts I have lost 32lbs and 27lbs, respectively. And though my progress was great and I felt wonderful, I stopped after my event. So, I've had a habit of cutting off the exercise after 3 or 4 months of great work. Of course, I gained everything back, and then some.

However, this time around is different. I still have something to focus on... but it's a little more meaningful than a tournament. It's my life. OVER a year ago I was told by a pulmonologist that my oxygen saturation levels at night were "just not conducive to life." He went on to exclaim that if I didn't make a change, it's very likely I would suffer a heart attack or stroke due to sleep apnea. I was prescribed a CPAP which has helped tremendously. (For anyone who even remotely thinks they have problems sleeping, invest the time and money in doing a sleep study, it can literally save your life.) I also made the commitment to myself to make a permanent change.

I have had pretty good success along my journey. I say "pretty good" as opposed to "great" because I know that the success I've had could have been much greater if I really forced myself away from treats or snacking that I don't log. Those few calories do add up over time, no matter how great my calorie burn for the day is. I also know that there is a science to this whole weight-loss thing that I don't have down quite yet. But in time, I know I'll have it figured out. It's like working on a fairly tough puzzle. I've lost as much as 60lbs over the past 12 months. I'm down to 57lbs lost due to a gain and plateau.

I'm experiencing pain and loss of strength from a herniated disc (C7-T1) which has put a crimp in my plan for breaking my plateau. I figured I would stay away from the resistance training until I hit a true plateau, and then use it to blow past that plateau. Well, with a weakened grip, I'd rather not risk injury (or worse) just to blow past a plateau. I'll beat it eventually.

Here's the thing... over this time, I've learned a lot about myself. I know that I am not a very confident person, but as I continue to lose weight, there is a confident me that is emerging. I'm getting back into the dating world. (of course, being done with school finally helps with the free time as well.) I feel that although I may not be as strong as I was in school, I KNOW that I AM in much better cardiovascular condition. I owe that to great San Shou training on top of some good treadmill work. I'm also learning that without exercise, I would be in a foul mood more often than I am. I have learned that I NEED exercise for the endorphin high it gives me. It's the best damned mood enhancer there is. TRUST ME.

But you know what the most important thing I've learned is? Without all of the support from my MFP family, I would've quit a long time ago. It is habit. But I feel that the best way I can show my gratitude is by continuing to show my support, love, and respect to you all, but also by continuing on my journey.

I told a friend earlier that this truly *IS* a journey. We have a path that we know we must follow. But like Dorothy and her motley crew, we veer off the path at times. We just have to remember what direction to go in to get back to it. And eventually, we will find the Emerald City. And whether it's courage, brains, or heart we seek... or just the way home... we will find it. To all my pals, I tip my hat to you! Let's stick together on this journey and enjoy everything that comes with it... good AND bad.

Seething Depression

Wed, 03 Aug 2011 05:51:57 GMT

It's 1:38AM right now. I just finished a past due homework assignment, with one more past due assignment to try and get to. I will work on that in the morning... at some point at least. I have a lot to do tomorrow since my little "vacation" from work is coming to a close. I have to buzz my head and shave my face. I have some cleaning around the house to do. I have lots of laundry to get done. And if there is somehow still time in all of this, I may even mow the grass.

Things lately seem a bit mundane, to say the least. Since this past weekend, I have been feeling a bit depressed. I don't know where it came from, or why it hit so suddenly. It's not a good feeling. I'm starting to think about things in the past and may even be having regrets about some of the paths I've walked down. I'm not sure.

I guess many people are in the same boat as I am... you know, the familiar idea of not being where you hoped you would be in life? Long ago, I had envisioned falling in love, having a kid or two, having a nice house and a great job. For me, it seems none of this has happened. I mean, I'd like to think I've been in love in the past. But truth is, I don't think I even know what it is or what it feels like to be in love.

I own my own home (well, paying mortgage on it every month). It's my first home. It's not spectacular. But it's mine. And I bought it on my own.

My job isn't great, but it's a job... and that's something many people wish they could say right now. Instead, the number of street corners with someone holding a sign seem to be increasing.

I'm 2 weeks away from finishing up a degree. I can't say that I've actually learned or retained anything over the past 5 years, but it's still a piece of paper saying I've accomplished something important finally... and I can use it on my resume. Funny thing is I sort of owe it to an ex gf and a guy who partied too hard, for convincing me to get back into school. I just wish I had the knowledge to back that piece of paper up.

As far as my "weight loss journey" is concerned, I've done pretty good. 60 lbs since October of 2010 isn't bad at all. I know if I made better choices or understood the science behind it all I would probably have lost a lot more. The key thing about this is -- with the exception of a small break I am taking since this past weekend -- is that I do not plan on stopping my exercise routine anytime soon.

So where is all of this coming from? I just wish I understood, because I desperately wish it would go away.

I hope that writing this helps get it off my chest, and out of my mind before bed.

Progression

Thu, 14 Jul 2011 21:21:10 GMT

You know, it is typically pretty difficult for many of us who have been overweight or obese all of our lives to see the progress we are making, or to accept compliments that we may always think are being doled out due to pity. I am definitely one of those people. However, today when updating my image in Outlook for work, I came across three photos.

The first photo is my badge photo from when I was hired by my current employer a little over 6 years ago. The 2nd photo is one which was taken in the 2nd week of May. And the 3rd photo is the one that was taken this morning, approximately 60 lbs after starting my journey in October (at least, according to the analog scale I use at home, anyhow).

I have to admit, I really didn't realize it until I saw these three pics together. But I am definitely on my way to a 'new' me, I suppose. It will still take some time since I have about 70-75lbs more that I want to lose, but I know with the help of my friends on myfitnesspal.com, I will no doubtedly get there. Of course, the one thing I won't be able to get past, is the receding hairline and all of the gray hair that's coming in. lol...

Now, for other news... which I will just say 'Not bad for a fat man!' about... my Primary had to do some bloodwork for the upcoming fight I have. We have to be clear of HIV, Hep B, and Hep C. So along with that, he did my normal CBC workup, and the numbers are pretty damn good:

Total Cholesterol - 128 (should be 125-200 mg/dL)

HDL - 42 ( > or = 40 mg/dL)

LDL - 73 (<130 mg/dL)

Triglycerides - 65 (<150 mg/dL)

Glucose - 92 (65 - 99 mg/dL)

There are a bunch of other numbers in there, but it's pretty specific stuff like Sodium, Potassium, etc etc etc and not a single one is in the "out of range" column. WOO HA!!! TAKE THAT!!!

Your Words Can Do Harm

Thu, 02 Jun 2011 18:21:08 GMT

I can't say I'm always in the mood to be motivational, but I always try my best. I think we're all here for the same purpose, and that's to lose weight and become more healthy... hopefully extending our lives.

That being said, I know this will probably catch some flack, but it has always bothered me when people start to flame others for "stupid" questions or because of what they log as exercise or the choices they make for diet. One thing we have to remember is that NONE of us are perfect. We ALL have to start somewhere. And some of us have to work a wee bit harder than others to achieve our goals.

I have subscribed to Men's Health for several years now and follow the editor-in-chief, Dave Zinczenko on Twitter as well as Facebook. Yesterday, he had a Tweet that I felt was quite applicable to MFP:

"WHAT WINNERS KNOW: Negative comments are 5x as powerful as positive ones. Portion accordingly."

In other words, think about what you say before you say it, because sometimes, even if you're trying to be helpful, what you're saying may come off as being negative, and that one "bad" or "slightly bad" comment can really break someone's spirit. And from what I've seen, the majority of us here are not here for that.

The old saying "It's not WHAT you say, rather it's HOW you say it" does not hold true for online media. Someone cannot tell if you are speaking softly or where the inflection in the words you use is. But what they READ can be very hurtful and damaging. Would you rather someone tell you a year, or two, or three, etc down the road that you totally are part of the reason they were able to change their life and hope to live a longer, healthier one because of it? Or would you prefer that possibly in a suicide letter they name you as being part of the reason they could not go on living any longer... that your words were as bad as any blade or bullet?

Think about it.

R-S-L

Wed, 18 May 2011 13:37:37 GMT

Over the past 10 months, I have eliminated two of my best friends from my life. Possibly over trivial issues. But I have to say that other than having a drinking buddy who will come out at the drop of a hat, I feel I am better off.

The first one was over a lack of communication with an event we planned on going to. Unfortunately the lack of communication carried into the next day when we were supposed to meet up for another event. Words were exchanged between each of us which were neither appropriate or meaningful, but were likely hurtful to each of us. But I looked back and over the years, realized that there were a lot of things said that were quite condescending. Whether it was intentional or just out of sheer ignorance, I will never truly know. But we have both moved on and I feel it's definitely for the best.

The other was far less dramatic on my part and had a lot to do with principle over anything else. Needless to say, again, even though we had a crap-ton of good times together, it's better we part ways as friends and do our own thing.

So lately I have talked about this with a couple people and have mentioned a poem (I suppose it's a poem) entitled "A Reason, A Season, or a Lifetime". It was something that another friend had passed on to me shortly after we became acquainted a couple years back. And the more I look at it, the more I realize the truth in it. Everyone comes into your life with a purpose... whether it's short-term, or long-term, they're there because they need to be at that moment.

Well, as coincidence would have it, my "horror"scope (as I like to call it) for today reads:

Aquarius May 18 2011

Maintaining a connection that another person has relegated to the past is not wise, Aquarius. You may be regretting the fact that a relationship of some sort - a romance, a friendship, a work association, or even a family relationship - has faded out or ended. But you have to remind yourself that it ended for good reasons. It was bringing you stress or sadness or was causing you to lose confidence in yourself. In other words it was a negative drain rather than an inspiration. Move on and the universe will open a new door for you.

How fitting is that? I'd say it's almost eery.

Now, I have to admit that my circle of friends (outside of MFP, of course) has dwindled down to a select handful. And I'm perfectly fine with that. I know that these friends are the ones who are going to be here for the long haul. And though we have disagreements from time to time, we figure out a way to work things out.

I know, the question comes as "What makes them different from the other two? Why work things out with them and not the others?" Truth is, I don't really know, to be perfectly honest. What I do know that with the first friend above, is that we are both very prideful and in all likelihood both of us feel that the other person was in the wrong and will never admit fault. I will admit that I did say some things that were certainly not nice in retort to things already said that were very condescending, but that only takes me to a lower level when I should've risen above it and just said, "Ok, you're absolutely right." and left it at that. But again, I think it is a good reason to part ways. Personality clash and all that jazz.

To end this blog, for those of you not familiar with the Reason, Season, Lifetime poem, I post it for you now:

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.