I was feeling really low last night.

I made my profile private, went to facebook and deactivated my account, and thought about all the reasons interacting with people is a waste of time.

I'm feeling more like myself today, and restored everything to the way it was because running from a problem is not a solution. That's the coward's way and I think I have enough to worry about without being a coward as well.

I've also decided it is time to stop letting my inferiority complex sabatoge my weightloss. I can't imagine being any smaller than I am now since I never have been as a teenager or adult. I've had a thousand fantasies of BEING skinny, but knew it would never happen. It's time to stop knowing and to start exploring. Plus, I no longer want to be skinny, I want to be healthy and if you think there is no difference, you couldn't be more wrong.

How many possibilties would exist for us if we would stop telling ourselves no? Life is full of people that have said "I can't" and we are all amazed at those that have said, "I can."

I want to be amazing. Not for you or for them, but for me. I want to say, "of course I can!" and succeed.

It's time to put this brain of mine to work and that stubbornness I seem to hold so dear into obstinate action. I will lose more weight. I will stop hiding behind fat so that I don't have to know if the world will like me for me. I will be the woman I always wanted to be, but was too afraid the world would reject.

Go ahead and reject me. I'll be in good company and frankly, I no longer give a damn. Love me or hate me, I will be myself.

 ~Audra