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Victory over the Scale

 

Everyone has been thinking about their fitness goals for 2012, and I am too. But I can’t seem to narrow it down just yet.

I guess my first goal is to finish p90x. Today is my last day of “Phase 1”. I’m excited that I was able to complete this first step, it really went fast! And of course I’m excited to finish the rest in the next few months.

 

The topic I have been mulling over most of late is the scale.

And the fact I haven’t been on one since early November.

And the fact that I don’t really care to get on one again anytime soon.

 

Perhaps this will change; as I have gone in and out with my relationship with the scale over the years, but this is how I see it right now.

 

The topic keeps coming to mind though because there is tons of discussion on the boards and with friends here on this site focused on weight gained-or -maintained during the holidays.

 

And my scale is gathering dust in the closet downstairs.

 

And all I'm thinking about is my exercise program and whether I'll start to see subtle changes in the mirror. 

 

I have kept up with exercise these last few weeks, but my diet went to hell. And to make matters worse, with P90x, this is more strength-based, and I am burning fewer calories than I had been burning, probably 1,000 fewer/week. I have definitely not downsized my food intake.  My clothing feels ok; but I absolutely, positively do not want to weigh myself to find out “the verdict” on my holiday indulgences.

 

Before joining MFP, and as far back as I can remember I had never been one to weigh myself.

 

I had a size, and generally used my clothing to let me know if I was getting out of hand. Or, I would learn of my general weight range when I went to a doctor’s appointment.   I had always trended “normal”—not too thin, not big, just right.  But when I joined MFP in August of 2009,  I hated the way I looked—my size range definitely crept up as I couldn’t figure out how to get back to my pre-baby size, and I was struggling emotionally after quitting my job and becoming a stay-at-home mom. Oh, and did I mention, I turned 40 as well?

 

I didn’t know my starting weight, so had to guess when I first set up my account.

 

After a month or so on the program, I started seeing changes. My clothing started to feel loose. I had my first appointment at a doctor’s office about 2 months into my weight loss, and I was able to benchmark where I was. Then a month or so later, at Thanksgiving, I went to my parent’s house and weighed again on their scale. Wow, what a nice surprise! I was lower than I can ever remember!  And how cool to need to buy new clothing!

So then in February 2010, I thought I was thin. I felt I finally needed to benchmark my weight again so I could figure out what to do next—maintain? Lose more weight? I had no idea where I was on the height/weight chart.

 It was time to purchase a scale. So I did.

And guess what happened?

 

Obsession.

 

I’m definitely a “numbers” person. I love them and like to slice and dice them in a million ways. I worked with them in my career, and was desperately missing them since I resigned. Once the numbers were at my disposal, I had to weigh every day. And suddenly everything became a competition in how low I could go. Not only was I obsessive with my weight, but also with the calorie numbers in my food diary, and calories burned on my HRM, and the nutrition %’s.

Thankfully my body just stopped losing weight in May, and I was forced to start maintaining.  But in maintenance, I found that I can get more crazy about the numbers than when I was losing weight. If I was off even with a little normal fluctuation within my range, I became obsessed with getting back to where I thought I needed to be, or more.....just because....

 

Not good.

 

So here I am, after many more months of maintaining, and after a few cycles of weighing in obsessively, and then trying to wean myself off the scale, back to where I started.

I shouldn’t care if I weigh 119. Or  121, or 123.

My clothing fits.

It’s a small size.

I am not great at it yet, but am capable of doing P90x, and am in good shape.

I exercise every day like clockwork. 

I’m finally happy in my ignorance of not knowing what I may have gained over the holidays.

And if I step on that scale just once, you know what will happen?

 

Yup. Back to obsession (because I probably have gained a little....)

 

So this will not happen anytime soon.

Maybe my next goal for 2012 should be to maintain my weight but to avoid the scale for the full year? I wonder if I have what it takes.....

 

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