Such a Winer!
Posted on 2013-03-07 by McKayMachina
Below is an essay I'll be submitting to my English class this afternoon. We were told to write a couple hundred words to introduce ourselves to the class. Since there is no way I could possibly cram all the important about-me type facts into so few words, I decided to focus on one small aspect of my personality in some detail. Given my very brief fling with a low-carb diet these past few days, I figured it at least deserved some mention. Here it is:
Such A Winer
Have you ever had one of those nights with your closest friends where you invent the perfect product that's going to make you all filthy, stinking rich? You know how it goes: you pop open the shiraz, somehow that disappears a little too quickly. So you dig into the cheap stuff you never opened from the last dinner party you hosted and...poof! That's gone, too! Now it's time to call the "Marsha" of the group; even though you'd really rather not add her weird vibes to this discussion, there's a liquor store with a decent wine cellar between her place and yours and you're tactical like that. A halfway-decent pinot down the collective gullet and you are all kicking yourselves for not coming up with the ElectroCork Deluxe 9000X years ago! The night winds down and everyone heads out with you poking your head out the door exclaiming, "I'll design the t-shirts!" and "Don't forget to buy the domain!" ...Then you wake up the next morning, nuke a hotpocket, chug a few gallons of water and realize you basically just invented an ugly tupperware.
That's kind of my life in a nutshell. I have these stellar epiphanies on a semi-daily basis and buy all this weird scuba diving equipment on Amazon, stock my fridge with foods containing only one macronutrient (last week was FAT), create Excel spreadsheets to track my mail carrier's delivery patterns...you get it. Only to smack myself in the stupid face with logic shortly thereafter.
I guess I'm lucky that I have the ability to learn my own lessons with relatively low damage but this is sort of an idiotic approach to growth.
P.S.: Does anyone want the blueprints for a BPA-free combination vacuum/automatic dog water bowl?