I've always compared myself to the "PERFECT-ME." The one who does it all, has it all, and makes no mistakes. No more! ~ Sean Stephenson
I came across this quote the other day as I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed. It really sums up what I've been doing for so darn many years I lost count. I honestly felt as though I needed to be a perfect version of me to be worthy of love, affection, and all the good things in life.
Before happening upon this quote, I'd already resolved very firmly to leave behind feelings of guilt, shame, unworthiness and self-loathing when 2013 ended. Honestly, I really started digging in and letting go as of December 1 (my own personal "new year", being that my birthday is on November 30) with the aim of fully letting go as of January 1, 2014. And so far so good.
Please hop on over to my "professional" blog to continue reading this entry...... HERE.
There will be MANY more blogs to come from me this year..... please subscribe either here or on my blog while you're there... THANKS! :)
Posted on 1/08/2014 by MaryTheIceCube
I've been feeling better and not quite so overwhelmed lately.
Been bursting through so many levels of fear, old beliefs, negativity, but like the lotus bursting up beautiful through the muck and the mud... I know I (and my wonderful, amazing little family) will truly shine. And by that, I mean, we will be better capable of helping MORE people, being a beacon for those who are struggling like we have, like we are at times now. So many times I've felt frozen in fear, in "I can't", in what if I *do* succeed?!
Compliments have long been so hard for me to take on and believe about myself, yet I've taken to heart, internalized and believed pretty much every bad, negative thing anyone has had to say about me. Why? I'm tired of feeling like crap about myself. If I can stop feeling like crap about myself, then maybe I can better help others who feel like crap about themselves. I've always wanted to help others any way I can... but how can I *fully* help them until I've helped me feel better about myself.
My husband supports me and backs me up on so so much. He's been the one to really help me see my worth. However, he can only do so much... I have to do the rest. Again, this self-destruct phase carries with it wayyyyy more than just ME this time. If I carry on down a 'don't care', gonna put the weight back on and then blame lack of time for it, if I'm going to allow myself to feel so overwhelmed that I take it out on my family... we ALL suffer. We ALL feel the effects. It is imperative that I break fully out of this shell... for not only me, but for my family who I DO love so much.
We feel each other's energies, so when my energy is dense, tense and negative... then so is everyone else's around me.
Posted on 7/14/2013 by MaryTheIceCube
I haven't blogged here on MFP since August 2011.
So much has gone on since then!
I thought I'd restart blogging here again, as a way to track some thoughts regarding my fitness journey without bombarding family members, friends and acquaintances with every last little fitness/health/workout thought I have, haha.
Here's a quick pictoral update of my life from 2009-Jan. 2013:
I gave birth in mid-February 2012, so our little guy is nearing his first birthday! In that time, I have lost the baby weight plus 5lbs, and currently have about 25lbs left to lose.
I'm at a bit of a plateau currently, as far as the number on the scale goes. However, I feel like I'm at the point where I need to just switch my focus from the number on the scale to my body fat percentage. I have bathroom scales that measure and track BFP, so it'd be easy to do. Plus, I really *really* need to commit to weighing myself only once a week or once every two weeks. I've been pulling the scales out nearly every morning lately. NOT productive at all. I think my scale obsession will be pretty much calmed down after next week, and that is when I will definitely begin focusing on my BFP rather than weight.
I am just truly amazed at how far I've come and what this body is capable of doing now. Things I never thought possible for me. I *LOVE* the challenge of a fresh new workout and tomorrow I will be signing up for my first half marathon (to take place in September). A little nervous about that one, but I do believe I shall have plenty of time to train.
Ya know what, I've really missed blogging here! I've made new friends very recently here on MFP and I find it refreshing to have such an active MFP news feed again, too. Of course, those friends who have stuck around and are still active here on MFP too, I love that we get to reconnect after such a long time.
Here we are, ten days into a brand new year, and I am so very focused on achieving the goals I have set for myself this year. No excuses!!! :)
Posted on 1/10/2013 by MaryTheIceCube
An update for my beautiful MFP friends (family!), because I feel like I've abandoned you all for too long. I've continued to log in to MFP consistently. Day 405 tomorrow. However, I haven't kept up on the news feed and my friends' progress, nor have I been logging food/exercise. At all.
I've been missing you guys/gals!! Please, I want to hear any news I may have missed, big or small, it doesn't matter. Just share!
And, here is my big share... my latest blog post on my pregnancy fitness thus far: http://todefyego.blogspot.com/2011/08/fit-pregnancy-update-number-1.html
Posted on 8/11/2011 by MaryTheIceCube
Boy, what a Memorial Day weekend! We went to the lake and had a nice, relaxing time. I indulged, and then overindulged. Not just on one day, but throughout the entire weekend. Ate when I wasn't hungry, ate even when I was stuffed. Ack! My justification? Where does the bikini fit into all this?
Find out here: http://todefyego.blogspot.com/2011/06/bikini-and-ego.html
MUST get back on track...
Abandoning 30 Day Shred Round Three... for now. Lost cause at this point, methinks.
I shall start Ripped in 30 tomorrow morning. Something fresh, new and unpredictable.
Ripped in 30 + running. You heard it here first. Help me stick with it, please and thank you! :)
Posted on 6/02/2011 by MaryTheIceCube
Alright, I'll admit it, I've been more lax this time around. I've skipped blocks of days; I even restarted with my mom on Mother's Day, and then barely exercised at all this past week. I haven't been as faithful to the program as the first two times around. However, I'm still progressing in weight loss (weighing in at 150.1 pounds yesterday!) and I got back to the Shred first thing this morning, Level 1 style. One NSV (non-scale victory) I must mention, I'm now able to do REAL push ups!! Not many at a time yet, granted, but wow! Never in my life have I been strong enough to do this before I met the Shred.
So, from here on out, I believe I'll just jump, plank and crunch right back into it, starting off with Level 2 tomorrow. I'll stick with it as best I can, given life's ups, downs, twists and turns. And, when I'm ready to post results, I'll post 'em. Still pretty intimidated by the thought of posting bikini photos of myself for all and sundry to see. Yikes! But, in due time, when I'm ready, I shall do so.
For those of you who are also currently working your way through Jillian Michaels - 30 Day Shred, how's it going for you?
Posted on 5/20/2011 by MaryTheIceCube
Double-whammy post today. First of all, a quick update on the tired-all-the-time issue. The increase in protein has most definitely helped me stay fuller for longer. I'm continuing taking a Vitamin D3 supplement along with a prenatal multivitamin. No, I'm not pregnant that I know of, but my OB suggested a prenatal vitamin while we prepare for when that time comes. I'm definitely feeling a difference, not so tired all the time. I think part of my relief also comes from having dealt with a lot of the stress and the "roadblock" that I'd put up at this stage of my progress. It certainly helps, having a way to deal with blocked emotions and such. I re-discovered EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) and put it into practice on Friday. Oh how that has helped SO much already!!And, now that I'm not draggin' booty tired as much all the time, I can concentrate once again on maximizing my workout efforts. I've found that I'm not really getting into Jillian Michaels: Shred-It With Weights as much as I thought I might. Level One seems not so intense as I'd hoped, and the little bit of Level Two that I tried, uh yeah... not yet. So, it's not holding my interest. I plan to continue to incorporate my kettlebells into my workouts regardless, just, not with Shred It With Weights at this point.
I'd considered jumping right into Jillian Michaels Ripped in 30, because I've been ever so curious about it. However, while chatting with Mike last night, he pointed out that I've had great results my first two times through Jillian Michaels - 30 Day Shred, and that it might be a good idea to give it a third go-round, to really challenge and push myself to complete all of the moves at the "advanced" level. Then, once accomplished, I could more confidently move on to Ripped in 30. I gave this some consideration and felt as though he might really be on to something! Both times that I've involved myself in completing the Shred, I've stuck with it, it's kept my interest and I see/feel results rapidly. Why change a good thing?!
So . . . [not so] bright and early this morning, I embarked on Round Three of 30 Day Shred. Once again, ten consecutive days of each level, while also keeping up with my run training. Watch out for occasional updates, as well as an all-new results blog at the end of this endeavor.
Yes, I am this crazy. :)
Results photos from the first two rounds: Round One and Round Two
Posted on 5/02/2011 by MaryTheIceCube
I'm taking this moment to inform you that worry, stress and anxiety are no longer acceptable uses of our time. Instead, I shall BE in the NOW, fully absorbed in the present, and I shall use my imagination toward more positive pursuits. I no longer resist worry, stress and anxiety. Instead, when it arises, I release it to be transmuted into something much more useful.
It has been said that kids use their imaginations for play, while most adults use their imagination to worry. I no longer wish to be "most adults". Worry & stress are such energy-black-holes anyhow, and I deserve a stress-free life!
And there it is, short and sweet, for today. Update on the Tired of Being Tired! blog issue will be forthcoming within the next few days.
Posted on 4/27/2011 by MaryTheIceCube
OK, I've had it. It's sleuthing time. I'm sick and tired of constantly feeling run down and tired. Time to DO something about it. Cried a few frustrated tears this morning over it, but that really gets me nowhere. Now, I'm agitated enough that it's time to take some action. Whew. Here goes.
Facts: My workouts have been less than stellar lately. Just haven't been feeling them. Basically only going through the motions. And, as hard as I struggle to get up in the mornings to get my workout on first thing, I've managed to do it just twice in the past two weeks. Ugh! I've been sooooo hungry lately, too. Feels like I could eat and eat and eat. Struggling hardcore to stay within the calorie goals specified by MyFitnessPal and the calories I "earn" by exercising. Not feeling great about my body though I ought to be so proud of the progress I've made. Disinterested, disconnected and sliding down that slippery slope of negativity about myself, while all around me there are a plethora of blessings, positivity, great changes for the better and, though it's still cold out (it's APRIL for Pete's sake!!), there have been hints of warmer weather on its way. This girl ought to be on Cloud Nine right now, not sinking into depression and disconnection!
So, I wanna FIX it. Google, my friend, we shall be hanging out for a while today. Hope you're not too busy. ;)
I have a feeling it has something to do with how much protein I include in my diet, so I'll start there. How much protein should I be consuming daily? Well, MyFitnessPal's recommendation (default) is 45g a day. From initial research, this seems to be very much on the low side, considering the type of workouts I perform.
First, I used this calorie calculator to see whether I need to change up my overall calorie goals now that I'm much closer to my goal weight. It looks as though I'd be safe to bump my "net" intake up to 1,300 calories. Next, their nutrient calculator to figure out a good carbohydrate-protein-fat ratio for me. I've chosen to go with the "Zone Diet" option -- 40% carbs, 30% protein and 30% fat. This change will approximately double my daily protein goal -- from 45g to 98g. I'll input this into MyFitnessPal and give it a go for a while to see how much it changes things up.
Along with this switch-up, I intend to resume taking my daily multivitamin that I've been neglecting lately. Note to self: Take another look at the nutrient breakdown of said multivitamins to see if I'm in need of more B vitamins, specifically B12.
Ahhh, simply taking this action has relieved a good portion of the negativity-fog. A short walk around downtown over my lunch hour in the SUN! helped a little, too. Yay for Vitamin D! :)
I'll report back in a week or two with initial thoughts, results and such. http://todefyego.blogspot.com/2011/04/tired-of-being-tired.html
Posted on 4/21/2011 by MaryTheIceCube
I completed my second round of 30 Day Shred today.
Here is my regular blog with before/after photos:
Posted on 4/14/2011 by MaryTheIceCube
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