I still don't see it.

Posted on 2011-06-06 by LorinaLynn

This isn't fishing for compliments. I'm not down on myself. I think I look great. I know I feel great. I know I'm healthier than I've ever been, and I'm amazed and proud of the progress I've made.

But unless I'm looking at side by side photos... I don't see a difference. Maybe it's because I never really felt bad about how I looked. I have a wonderful husband who does a great job at making me feel sexy, and had a great Mom who always told me I was pretty. My self-confidence has always leaned a tad towards egomania.

I went shopping today. I had some Kohl's cash burning a hole in my wallet. Got a pair of shorts, a tank top and a pair of jeans. The shorts were juniors size 9, and I've pretty much been drifting around 9s and 11s for years now. That's no change from before. But the jeans, from the misses department... size FOUR.

FOUR!

I only tried them on to see how far I still had to go until they fit. But they fit. A little snug, but the kind of snug that will be normal within an hour of wearing them. The kind of snug that my 10s were before I gained the last 10 pounds that made me leave the top button unbuttoned, while blaming the lack of buttoning on my belly tattoo and new navel piercing.(Those 10s, by the way, now slide right off my hips without unbuttoning them!)

I thought it was a fluke, so I grabbed a few more pair in different brands and cuts. And they fit, too. I guess it's official. I am a size 4.

But looking at my reflection as I walked around the store, I don't think I look much different than I did 25 pounds or so ago. Maybe it's just that I now fit my mental image of myself.

16 votes + -

11 comments:

NoMoreThickyMickey wrote 24 months ago:

I'm nowhere near a four but I do know what you mean about not seeing the difference. Unless I see old pictures or put my "old" clothes on, I can't see a difference. Wow, you may wear a four but you are a 10 in my book. Congratulations, you are definitely an inspiration to me.... :)

Mahlissa wrote 24 months ago:

You are still the same person, just new and improved version. So, your mind still sees you as the same beautiful person you were before.

I am the same way. I can only tell by trying on clothes.

rorosaw wrote 24 months ago:

I know exactly how you feel. We're not the same size, but I recently bought jeans that were three sizes smaller and I was shocked! Yeah, i know I lost 45 pounds in my head but I don't FEEL any different when I look at myself. Well maybe a little,, but I get it. I really get your post. (Oh, and bravo to you on your hard work for getting there!)

rorosaw wrote 24 months ago:

Clovergirl17 wrote 24 months ago:

Honestly, I see a BIG difference for me. In the past 9 weeks I've lost 18.4 pounds and SEVERAL inches! My size 28 jeans that were getting a little too snug for my taste, I now have to wear a belt to keep them from falling off! All of my shirts fit a lot better now. But I agree that unless I'm trying on clothes, it's hard to see a difference without looking at pictures. You are doing a wonderful job, so keep up the great work! :)

kellideedee wrote 24 months ago:

I can't believe I found this blog post today! I went to Kohls today and tried on clothes and also was a 4! I thought I was an 8, and I noticed my clothes were starting to fall off of me. I thought maybe I would be an 6, but I was a comfortable 4, and I even fit my butt into a size 2 pair of shorts, but they were more snug than I like. I even grabbed a whole bunch of different designers and types of clothing to reassure myself that I wasn't on drugs, or finding just one exceptional piece of clothing.

Good job to you!! I lost 24 lbs. this year, 15 the year before and, 20 the year before that. I gained a bunch of weight with my pregnancy, and it took me three years to get it off (plus some). It feels so good to loose weight and finally feel like my body moves me around, not that I am dragging it around!

RobinMonroe wrote 24 months ago:

I'm very proud of you for sticking with your goals. You are truely an inspiration to me. I have never been a size four but I was a size 5 in juniors before kids and i am currently a 10 in misses and a 15 in juniors. Hopefully I'll be able to stick to it and be able to post such amazing results soon. :)

jessbennett1986 wrote 24 months ago:

Awesome Job! Such an inspiration to me to keep on plugging away even if I don't see a difference on the scale yet.

bonjour24 wrote 24 months ago:

i'm really pleased for you! but what is especially great for me to hear is that you had great self confidence to begin with, and this has just added to it. i think people are far too hypercritical of themselves (as is human nature i guess), and that we only have 1 body so we may as well love it even if it is imperfect.
and well done to you for surrounding yourself with people who keep boosting your self esteem.... your mum and hubby sound super!
well done to you for doing so well and fitting your perception of who you are!

ceschwartz wrote 24 months ago:

I guess small changes sneak up on you. Congrats!

mwazny923 wrote 24 months ago:

It is such a relief to know that I'm not alone in my thoughts. Maybe it's just another step in a life long process, who knows. But good job! Keep up the good work!

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I still don't see it.

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