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Slippery Slope

I went away this weekend as a mommy.

I came home a single woman. 

I'm not loving this freedom.

My son and I have trekked the last four years completely on our own. WIth the help of family and friends, I've raised him with only me as his sole parent.

He's a tough booger. He's defiant and head stronger. He's extremely intelligent and very silly. He's tall and taken for a six year old regularly, rather than the 4 year old that he actually is.

And I've raised him on my own.

So when he started spending time with his other parent I took it in and enjoyed my free time. It was so rare that I often over booked myself with things to do.

But for some reason, this visit isn't going as smoothly for me. I miss him something terrible. 

Maybe it's because he's gone during a week that I'm at work so nothing for me has changed. He's just not here. I still get up, get dressed, pack my lunch and arrive late to work the same as when he's here. Except he's not.

And this translates into laziness for me. Yesterday I didn't work as hard to monitor my eating and ate for comfort. I still logged it all and finished the day. I had to be honest with myself that my habits are slowly breaking down. The good habits I'd started before he left.

It's a slippery slope to tread when your daily routine is shifted. There is a very fine line between relaxing and lazy. And I'm treading it clumsily.

I need the pick me up. The motivation.

Because, in the four mommy years I've had, the 25 years before that of being "just me" have all but been erased. He is my purpose. My motivation to do most anything.

And when he's not here....What do I have to work for?

Katie (aka Kekibird)

ალღო, გამარჯობა

This weekend we are traveling. We are traveling to Northern California where my son's father lives.

My little monster man will be visiting for a whole week.

I'm going to miss him terribly but I'm super excited for him.

You see, he's never met his grandmother on his father's side. She's never been to the US and to meet her grandbaby she's made her first trip.

She even learned a little English for him.

On top of the cultural exchange between grandmother and grandson, I'll be visiting over night to help my son settle in so I'll be subject to my son's father's home culture, Georgian.

Now I'm not talking Souther culture like grits and fried foods. I'm talking Georgian, as in Eastern European.

A culture of food in which I can't pronouce let alone understand what it is. Check it out for yourself. 

Looks like I'm going to have to spruce up on my Georgian terminology so I can participate in a supra, or a commonly HUGE Georgian feast.

"The importance of both food and drink to Georgian culture is best observed during a feast, or supra, when a huge assortment of dishes is prepared, always accompanied by large amounts of wine, and dinner can last for hours. In a Georgian feast, the role of the tamada (toastmaster) is an important and honoured position." (Wikipedia)

Alrighty....I have two main concerns.

  1. I'm not Georgian and I'm not close to my son's father. We are pleasant for my son's sake. So I don't have anyone close to me of this culture to help me know what's polite or not and what the right or wrong way to say/do things. I'm a bit nervous that my loose American ways will be looked down upon by his very European mother.
  2. The Food. I'll obviously not be logging most of the weekend because I highly doubt that MFP has any of the Georgian cuisine listed in their system. And I doubt I'll be able to location the serving sized let alone the nutritional info.  

So add those two things together, me being polite and there being a lot of home cooked Georgian food being offered, I feel obliged to try it all. I have a feeling I'm going to come home 5 lbs heavier....

HELP!!!!

Katie (aka Kekibird)

Cookies!

It is officially Fall.

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And tomorrow my little man will be celebrating Johnny Appleseed Day at school.

They'll sing and do a little performance. 

I'm in charge of bringing apples.

So I've also decided to make cookies. These cookies.

Aren't they cute?!

So instead of Zumba tonight, I'm baking. With my son. And making cookies. Little Fall cookies for his class.

Sigh....

I LOVE FALL!!!

 

Cheers!

Katie (aka Kekibird)

If I Were On An Island....

....and I had to choose what two things I'd have around to help me lose weight, it'd be gum and a water bottle.

Ok, when you stop laughing, I'll continue.....

Done? Ok good. Now, here is my thinking.

I won't need any exercising tools because, well, I'll be on a freakin' island! So I think my exercise will be included in my everyday survival. Building things to use and walking to find water or food will be automatic. No need for a treadmill or exercise equipment.

I also won't need food to be on hand because I can find food for myself. I'll hunt and forge. So food and exercise will be covered on a daily basis.

But what happens when I get bored? I don't want to get myself in the bad habit of snacking too much. So gum! I chew it and it keeps my mind off of grazing. Also a water bottle. The one tool I HAVE to have. It helps me measure my water and assures me that I'm getting in my 8+ cups a day.

So if I become stranded, let's hope I have lots of gum packed and a good water bottle.

The End...

 

Katie (aka Kekibird)

My Sob Story

This is the post in which I explain my shortcomings. Instead of making it a long drawn out story, I'm just going to simply it into a bullet point list.

  • I suffer from PMDD
  • Medicating myself to relieve the symptoms of my PMDD has not helped
  • I can not take hormones or BC. They make me crazy
  • I should not eat yeast or sugar. When I don't, I find I'm healthier and all these issues are not nearly as severe.
  • It's been suggested I have endometriosis
  • My doctor wants to manage my monthly pain rather than put me under the knife to find out if the previous point is true.
  • I am allergic to most fruits and veggies and some nuts.
  • It's a latex issue. Luckily it doesn't kill me if I eat an apple
  • I have asthma.
  • I used to play soccer and injured my right ankle severely.
  • I have a bum knee that pops when I walk
  • I injured my lower back 7 years ago at work. It's never been the same
  • I've been diagnosed with low progesterone which all ties in with the PMDD stuff.
  • I have severe anemia. I'm being tested every 6 weeks hoping for improvement.

Ok now that I have put it all out there (at least I think that's everything), I'll now list what I'm trying to do to work with these things or what I'm doing to improve them.

  • I'm here aren't I :o)
Cheers!

Katie (aka Kekibird)

Fake It Till You Make It

I feel like crap.

Between the emotional stress of the feminine issues I deal with monthly and the physical pain (yes pain, not discomfort) that comes with it, I feel like crap.

I want to be in bed.

I want to be left alone.

I want ice cream and sappy movies I can bawl along with.

Bonbons anyone?

But I can't.

I have to get up, put my pants on (the ones that are most comfy right now) and I also have to get my son's pants on. Without me, there is no one else to do it.

I don't feel like logging nor do I feel like exercising. I want to be lazy and just rest.

But I can't.

So, I'll fake it.

I'll put a smile on, put my pants on one leg at a time and take it slow.

Katie (aka Kekibird)

Peanut Butter Jelly with No Skins Please!

My son is 4 1/2. He's a "selective" eater.

AKA he's picky.

 He'd have all the crusts and skins cut or peeled off if he could. I'm talking grapes, blueberries, sandwiches, toast, apples and pears. You name it, he wants it peeled.

Since he started school, I've been in lunch making mode. Sandwiches, apple sauce cups, blueberry and raspberry in a bowl, cheese sticks and some crackers.

Of course, his sandwiches can only be PB and Js and they have to have the "skins" cut off. Or the crusts.

Now I don't mind doing this because it makes him eat which can be hard to do. I've even bought a ton of these cut little sandwich cutters that not only cut them but also remove the crusts just as he likes it. And in cool shapes like dinosaurs and hearts.

But then what to do with the crusts? Those yummy, sweet, too good to throw away crusts.

Well, in my house, we don't waste food so I scarf those babies down and sigh in contentment. Then I stop and remember "Oh shit....why did I do that?"

So yeah...sandwich crusts, my enemy. I love them and I HATE to toss them but on my journey to a better lifestyle, I can't be globbering down Jake's scrapes every time he doesn't eat something because those little bits add up. And my exercising isn't enough to battle those extra calories.

 The last two nights I've diligently placed the sandwich crusts in the trash. Of course I said a little goodbye to the tasty treats as I gently placed them in the trash but, I didn't snack on them. 

It's a small step but it is in the right direction.

 

Cheers!

Katie (aka Kekibird)

 

The Dreaded Weekend Slump

It's Friday. Normally, a person would be happy. If they are a Monday thru Friday, 9-5er like I am, they are skipping with joy that today is pay-day AND it's the last work day.

Ahhhh, two whole days to sleep in and not worry about sales numbers or making calls for collections. Bliss!

Well, for me, I'm not looking forward to the weekend. AT ALL!!!

In my logging past, I do really well during the week. it's easy to plan my daily food around my work schedule because it never changes. Dinner gets a little tough but if I pre-plan, I'm good to go.

I can log 5 days in a row and be on my game, no problem.

Then the weekend hits. I start off with a good breakfast Saturday morning. Then, all hell breaks lose.

I forget to eat lunch.

I don't turn on my computer.

I stop logging.

I cook more and am too lazy to log the recipe.

Oh LOOK! A Starbucks!

Yeah...see where this is headed?

Once Saturday morning's healthy egg white and veggie omlet is consumed and my weekend takes off, I lose control. My portions are out of whack, I stop caring about what I'm eating or when. I eat, and eat, and eat.

Then Monday hits and I started to log again. I see pretty much how bad my weekend was as I start to be more conscious of my food again.

It takes about 2 weeks of this then I stop logging all together. The weekends throw me off SO BAD that I get discouraged. And believe me, this happens ALL THE DAMN TIME!

So here I am, attempting to get back on the wagon. To be accountable and healthier. To really honestly try. But I'm scared...

The weekend is here. This is where I fall off track.

And this weekend, of course, I'm hosting a BBQ at my house. And I have Disneyland on Sunday. Some how, some way, I need to make it through the weekend logging as closely as I can.

But....how?

Katie (aka Kekibird)

Then and Now

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It's amazing to me to look back two years ago. 

Two years ago my son was 2 1/2 and I was skinny. Petite. I'd NEVER been petite before. I'd always been tall, thick and curvy. 

It was exciting to try new clothes and see my body at it's pique physical condition. I felt sexy, svelte and adorable.

None of these words would have ever been in my vocabulary before this weight loss. I just never saw myself as anything other than....large.

Fast forward to today, September of 2010. I'm 30 lbs heavier and not feeling so great about it. I feel unattractive and plump. I feel unsexy and very frumpy.

It's hard to look in the mirror now and not see all the flaws. Not see the round face and the double chin. The doubled chest size and the jelly belly rolling around my mid-section.

I'd like to look at myself and believe that I'm as sexy and pretty at this weight as I am when I'm lower but, I struggle with this.

I just don't see it. Others do...just not me.

 Katie (aka Kekibird)

Pick Your Poison....

I hate to exercise.

No I take that back, I just don't like being active. Sweating and moving....sigh, I'm exhausted just typing it out.

But I know, from past experience, that I need to have movement in some form or another to help drop the weight and tone up. Those are my goals and eating healthy will only get me so far.

In the past I've: played soccer, jogged, walked, gone to a gym, used DVDs at home, joined mommy stroller groups and gone swimming.

Sadly, as my son gets older, finding time and the ability to get a sitter and/or afford a sitter is getting tougher. Doing things together isn't always a slam-dunk either. Just yesterday I tried to use swimming as my activity. Thank goodness I dove right in and did some strong laps because 15 minutes into our mommy/son time he asked to return to the house.

I'm not an exercise fan. But I know I need it to be apart of my lifestyle to remain healthy. 

When you have to get moving and it seems like the circumstances are stacked against you, what do you do? How do you make sure you keep moving? What is your favorite exercise option?

 

Cheers,

Katie (aka Kekibird)

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