Ive been thinking about this for a long time...
Since last summer I have been telling myself that I need to lose weight. I've told myself that I am one step closer to having a heart attack, get diabetes, or possibly something else that would be just as bad.
In the past I've had one or two doctors tell me that I have sugar levels in my urine, which I didn't have any other tests done to check for diabetes. I have a friend who has diabetes and I have used their blood sugar tester to see where my levels were at, at various times and on most occasions I have gotten not the best results.
You would think that something like that would raise some sort of flag in your brain, but no. I think for me, since the majority of my life I have been a size med/small, the weight gain came after childbirth and just continued from there. So I still see myself in my head as how I used to look, which can be really difficult when you get out of the shower and look at yourself in the mirror. I don't recognize that overweight, saggy skin, sad eyed person looking back at me. That's not who I am, or how I see myself.
Simple things remind me on a daily basis just how bad it is. Bringing groceries up the stairs to our apartment, bending over to tie my shoes and feeling my stomach bulging in the way, having to hold my breath to tie my own shoes and hearing myself wheeze on a cold day walking the dog for ten minutes.
I used to do martial arts, five times a week, twice a day. I used to be able to run ten miles easily. I used to be able to do one hundred pushups, sit ups and leg raisers in no time flat. I used to be able to do twenty pull ups (which I was vain about and would brag about). I used to be able to stretch in awkwardly looking positions that didn't look real. I used to...
Its very unfortunate that so many people treat overweight people so poorly. The subtle gestures that people give off and they don't even realize that they are doing it. I see it, and I recognize it, because I used to do it too. I recognize it, and on occasion it bothers me but not in a self depriving way.
I'm older now and I know that I will never get back to that youthful ball of energy, but I do know that I can do something about the way I am right now, and get my body and my health back to what I see in my mind.
I think its time to start doing something about it and get rid of the words used to.