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Ive been thinking about this for a long time...

Since last summer I have been telling myself that I need to lose weight. I've told myself that I am one step closer to having a heart attack, get diabetes, or possibly something else that would be just as bad.

In the past I've had one or two doctors tell me that I have sugar levels in my urine, which I didn't have any other tests done to check for diabetes. I have a friend who has diabetes and I have used their blood sugar tester to see where my levels were at, at various times and on most occasions I have gotten not the best results.

You would think that something like that would raise some sort of flag in your brain, but no. I think for me, since the majority of my life I have been a size med/small, the weight gain came after childbirth and just continued from there. So I still see myself in my head as how I used to look, which can be really difficult when you get out of the shower and look at yourself in the mirror. I don't recognize that overweight, saggy skin, sad eyed person looking back at me. That's not who I am, or how I see myself.

Simple things remind me on a daily basis just how bad it is. Bringing groceries up the stairs to our apartment, bending over to tie my shoes and feeling my stomach bulging in the way, having to hold my breath to tie my own shoes and hearing myself wheeze on a cold day walking the dog for ten minutes.

I used to do martial arts, five times a week, twice a day. I used to be able to run ten miles easily. I used to be able to do one hundred pushups, sit ups and leg raisers in no time flat. I used to be able to do twenty pull ups (which I was vain about and would brag about). I used to be able to stretch in awkwardly looking positions that didn't look real. I used to...

Its very unfortunate that so many people treat overweight people so poorly. The subtle gestures that people give off and they don't even realize that they are doing it. I see it, and I recognize it, because I used to do it too. I recognize it, and on occasion it bothers me but not in a self depriving way.

I'm older now and I know that I will never get back to that youthful ball of energy, but I do know that I can do something about the way I am right now, and get my body and my health back to what I see in my mind.

I think its time to start doing something about it and get rid of the words used to.

13 votes + -

4 comments:

lighteningjeanne855 wrote 7 months ago:
"Well begun is half-way done."
My philosophy is to take "baby steps" toward changes.
The simplest thing to do right now is to log your food and activities intake on MFP. It makes you more mindful of what's happening each day...and how much you've improved!
Best wishes!
heather4949 wrote 7 months ago:
You can still be that woman you use to be.....a more healthier and stronger person than you are now....all it takes is " I am going to do this for me NOW "......don't let yourself down.....we are strong when we put our minds and heart together and get on with the task at hand.....good luck....2014 is going to be a great year for both of us....
brazillit wrote 7 months ago:
I also used to be smaller size before college and never had to worry about weight gain. After finishing college and getting a very sedentary/stressful job I put on over 40lbs. Some might not think that's too much and should be easy to lose. However, with that 40lbs, I got hypertension, problems sleeping, habit of eating too much sugar after switching to diet soda to avoid gaining more weight (bad idea, it would make me crave sugary stuff and then binge) which lead to having higher blood sugar (not diabetes, but moving in that way if I didn't take action.)

Summer 2012 I started taking action and making small changes. Started walking in morning (before work) 5 to 6 days a week. If I didn't do it in the morning, too much happened and I would be too tired. Then found MFP when I stalled loosing weight with just walking. Started counting calories (first to find out what and how much I was eating, then limiting the calories to recommended amounts, switching to home cooked meals, then type of foods (lean meats/fish/more vegetables/less bread/less sugar).

The idea is not to deprive myself, but to make smart healthy choices daily. Sometimes I do choose the extra cookie, but with MFP diary, I am aware of it. I also don't see this change as temporary. The changes I am making on my lifestyle will stay with me for life.

So what I am saying is that you have to want it. When you are at that point (it took me over 1 1/2 for me to really want) you will stick with working on changes that work for you.

Best wishes.

JoolieW68 wrote 7 months ago:
Kay, I've been where you are. I was 100lbs overweight in the fall of 2010, and hated myself. I was always embarrassed by how I looked and felt others judged me constantly. While I never death with the other health issues (my blood pressure and cholesterol and other tests were all normal) I was miserable.

Over the next 17 months I slowly lost 100 pounds. I was soooo happy, and loved the compliments that people gave me. So much so that I started to feel a responsibility to stay thin for them....which was wrong.

Over the past 15 months, though a perfect storm of circumstances (new job I hate, health issues that forced me to stop exercising, new puppy, and family stress) I've gained back just over 20 pounds.

But you know what? I don't care what others think. I'm allowed to be human. I love myself, and my family loves me no matter what. With that nearly newfound knowledge I am getting back on track with exercise and eating better and know I can get back to a healthier weight.

Keep your chin up, and your goals small....and then add a new goal when you meet the one you've set. All those small goals WILL get you to where you want to be. Allow yourself to make mistakes, because you are human, and you are worth not being 'perfect'!

Best of luck
Julie

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