When I was younger, I had this image in my head of what my life with my husband and kids would be like.  I had this image of how I would be with my husband, my kids and even myself.  I am not living out that image.

I love my husband and we are blessed with three beautiful children (11,3,2).  After my 3 yr old was born, I became a sahm.  Wow, this was going to be fun.  I was going to be the perfect mom with dinner on the table when my hubby got home, a nice clean house, have great activities planned with my youngest kids while their big brother was out school, help my son with homework while dinner was cooking, etc.  You see what I mean????  For awhile I actually had this working.  Then I began changing.  I was putting on more weight and slowly I was really starting to almost hate myself for what I was doing to myself.  It really has begun to affect my life.  I am not very happy anymore with myself.

I hate the way I look and the way I feel.  I hate that I don't have the energy to do anything.  I hate that I don't play with my girls like I feel like I should.  I hate that my son and I seem to argue daily over homework and his attitude.  I hate that I don't feel like my home is not as clean and organized as it could be.  Let me say that anyone who came into my home would prob. think it is clean, but I always think, well I know, I can do better.  I hate that I don't make proper dinners daily with vegetables, fruit etc included.  I hate that we don't sit down as a family to eat.  I hate that months ago my husband and I decided to make Friday nights, Pizza and Family night.  Well, we have the pizza but there isn't any family game time designated.  I hate that allow my girls to watch as much tv as I do and that they are constantly telling me they are hungry.  I really believe that they are just bored and want to eat.  Hmmmm, where do they get that from?  I also hate that I get mad at myself for letting myself get this overweight and then take it out on my family.  They deserve so much better.

Last night I had just had enough.  You see, I know that everything I want can be achieved.  I just have to do it.  I thrive on routines and I have let them crumble.  I spend way too much time on facebook playing games.  Stupid games that I didn't even know existed 3 or 4 months ago.  So today, I am going to make some changes.  I thought I would give blogging a chance.  I think it could really be good for me to write down my feelings, my accomplishments, and yes, even my failures.  I can have the life I dream of, but I have to first change the way I feel about me.

Today is all about planning.  What can I do to start making some changes?  I already deleted myself from another weightloss group I was in on a different site.  I don't think the group was right for me, but I felt obligated to it even though I wasn't posting daily.  It was just one more thing to feel guilty about.  Well, not anymore.

Next, facebook and I are going to have to reach an agreement and have a once a day log in time.  I am also going to plan out tonight's meal and so help me God, tonight my family starts eating together as a family again.  I am also going to figure out what eating plan I should follow.  I am also going to drink my water and meat my water goal of at least 64 ounces.

I can do this!

I have to do this!

Kim