I am beginning to wish we didnt have a full, wall length mirror in the master bath. Everytime I get out of the shower, there I am....in all my glory. And I hate the way I look.
But, then, I get dressed, put on a pair of jean shorts and a close fitting tank top, look in the mirror again and think, "... geez, I look pretty good!"
So back and forth I go in my mind. I go from "this is going to take forever and I dont know if am I strong enough to be able to go the distance." to "I am doing really well and I like how I am starting to look and I am going to go the distance!"
One thing I have noticed....I use a bath sheet to dry myself after my shower because I always needed a BIG towel because regular sized ones didnt go around me. Well, the bath sheet is starting to go WAY around me...which pleases me.
But I am anxious to be out of these bigger clothes and into some of the smaller ones. I know I am impatient about that. But with the cooler weather just around the corner, I am looking forward to wearing nice jeans and close fitting tops instead of the baggy jeans and loose shirts I have been wearing for years. And I am hoping that being thinner will mean fewer hot flashes and that I might even be able to wear sweaters again! Pretty sweaters...sexy sweaters. We hardly use the heat in the winter and I live in shorts and t-shirts inside because I am always HOT!
I joined a group here called "20 Pounds by Christmas". I fully intend to reach that goal. But then I still have another 20 pounds to lose after that. And I may have to lose even more depending on how I look.The last couple workouts were tough for me....I didnt want to bother. I pushed myself but how long can I keep that up? Or will I get a second wind and be ok?
Now I know there are people here who have a LOT more weight to lose than I do. Does having more weight to lose make their quest more difficult than mine? I don't think so. Collectively we all have the same problems and thoughts. However, I do admit when I see someone that says they weigh 150 and want to lose 30 pounds, all I can think is, "GEEZ....I wish I weighed 150!" But, to them, that 30 pounds is as much a millstone around their bellies as my 60 pounds.
Today I saw the success story of a woman who has been on MFP for 2 years and just reached her goal. She looks fabulous! She looks like I want to look. And I go back and forth between thinking I will look like that one day and I will NEVER look that good. SHEESH!
I know I am doing it. I feel the clothes fitting better. I know my b/f can see the physical change in me. He has actually started asking me if I have eaten my quota? He never bothered before. He likes what he is seeing and I know he wants me to succeed.
I want me to succeed even more. I simply cant fail. I am too afraid to.
But can I? May 21st, 2013 (my one year MFP anniversary) seems so far away right now. Back and forth....
Posted on 2012-08-18 by Crochetluvr