Brutesquad's Blog

Put it into motion.

Wed, 08 May 2013 13:42:37 GMT

My last blog was about waiting for Godot. In other words waiting for something or someone to come along that isn't going to arrive. I need to put that idea of not waiting into action.

Since the Spartan Sprint, I have done a critical review of my performance and evaluated what I need to do going forward to improve my performance and health. First realization was that I need to run hills and hill sprints. Second, I need some parkour techniques to get over a 10' wall. Third, I realized that I was as strong as about anyone I crossed pathes with on the course. However, for my size and genetics, I am little girl weak.

I don't want to be little girl weak. I want to be strong. So instead of waiting for the Magical Monkey Maji of Strength to come bless me with superhero strength, I need to lift. Yes, the things I have been doing got me to where I am. Some of it I will still use going forward as getting strong is not my only goal. But my focus needs to be getting strong. So heavy stuff is in my very near future.

Long term I want to build a home gym, so I started looking at Olympic weight sets. I assume that 300lbs would be enough to start with. And of course a squat rack and bench. The best prices for the entire set that I had found was around $1000 - $1200 depending on the squat/power rack.

So the plan is to join a local non-franchise gym that allows month to month memberships until I get into my new house and have the funds to build the lifting area of my home gym.

That is still the plan, but last night I found a 300lb olympic weight set for $300 less than anywhere I looked before, so I bought it. That may mean that I can get the power rack I want and still come out around $700 total........before I get where I need to buy more weights....

Waiting for Godot

Mon, 06 May 2013 17:20:43 GMT

I don't know about you, but being here at MFP is only a small part of what I am doing to attempt to be healthy*. I, like so many here, do a ton of other reading and research to find out what I am doing right, what I am doing wrong, and what might benifit me. That is a lot of reading and research.

*Side note: Being healthy for me means losing FAT, building useable strength, and building some endurance.

I attempt to put what I learn into action. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I do not. Or perhaps sometimes I have not yet been able to put it into action. I don't mind failing or finding out something isn't really working as long as I am working at it.

I started in a place where I was looking for a magic pill. Not literally, but I was looking for the easy way to be in shape, the easy way to lose fat, you know the eat fast food and doughnuts diet with the couch rest workout. When I then started out trying to work out I was trying to find short cuts. I also figure that eating crap food was okay, "this time" or "just this once" but as you know that was all the time.

I have been training hard to reach different goals. I have been working hard to eat right and get my body where I want it.

So now, like anyone that has reformed a negative behavior, I am more aware of others that show signs of that same negative behavior.

If you are waiting for a magic pill or an easy way to lose weight and get in shape, you are waiting on Godot.

Spoiler Alert: Godot never shows up.

Instead of spending all that time looking for an easier way, I would suggest looking for the energy and time to do it the "hard way". I have found that with each pound of fat I lose, and each ounce of strength I gain, doing it the "hard way" is much easier than waiting around for some magicical monkey magi that never comes to make me healthy and fit.

Yelling at myself

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 12:24:54 GMT

We have all been there in front of the mirror (if not, good for you) where we yell at the reflection or ask the reflection why or even try to reason with the reflection to try to stop stuffing our face with all the garbage that eventually lead us to this web site. But I am not here to discuss the depressing today.

Last night I did a High Intensity Interval Training workout. Many of you know I have used these and do use these to maximize my workout in the least amount of time. So I did the following:

burpee(1 pushup 1st round / 2 pushups2nd round/3 pushups 3rd round/ 1 pushup 4th round)

Sumo Squats with Heavy Sandbag

Body wieght row

Clean and press Heavy Sandbag

I did this circuit 4 times doing each exercise as hard as I could for 50 seconds with a 10 second recovery between exercises.

I discovered that I was limiting myself to what I expected I could do somewhere during the first circuit. So the second circuit I counted reps...sort of...I used random numbers. 4, 39, 83, 1, 17.....like that so I would lose count and focus on the next one. When I hit the wall I yelled at myself...but it was

"Come on John, you can do this!"

"Nice one, good job. Just one more!"

It sounds a bit silly. Sounds a bit corny, and a bit overdone. But it works. I had a workout that left me drained. I found myself pushing for that one more. I stopped thinking about the next 10 reps, I just thought about this rep. The one I am doing now...the form...the speed...the explosion. Then I thought about this rep. The one I am doing now...the form...the speed...the explosion.....wash, rinse, repeat.

I would highly suggest yelling at yourself. But yell about the accomplishment, yell encouragement. Of course focusing only on this one repitition, or the next 10 seconds of a run. I cannot tell you what a difference it will make, you have to simply experience it.

Result vs. Focus

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 17:21:09 GMT

A friend posted a great blog on how her focus shifted and how as she moves toward the goal of being the best woman she can be. I read it, loved it. Then I came across a quote from Mark Twight (The trainer of the actors for the movie 300).

"Appearance is the consequence of fitness."

That is so very huge and profound. I had heard this quote before, but it evidently wasn't time for it to make an impact. Today was that day. I have been focused on getting fit for about two months instead of weight loss. I haven't been on a scale for a while now. I still want to lose fat, but that is different from just wanting to weigh less. I want to go run my Spartan Sprint in April. I want to get into fighting shape.

As a short side note, fighting shape is different than being in shape for a fight. When preparing for a fight you peak. Fighting shape is the point you start from to get ready for a fight if you fight in competition.

Now I plan to step on a scale soon to see where I am. Where ever that is, I am going to keep my focus on training for a Spartan Sprint, and then the next thing. But weight will simply be one of many metrics I will use. As my dear friend mentioned in her blog....this is a lot more fun! And it should be fun.

I am going to suggest you check out the website that helped me to start having fun with getting fit. www.nerdfitness.com

Even if you don't, have fun. Live your life reaching your goals.

I have come to the conclusion

Wed, 06 Feb 2013 17:59:50 GMT

I have come to the conclusion that this is boring. But at least the cost is different.

The idea of eating right and exercise is just plain boring. Today I did not pack my lunch as normal and had to buy it here at the training center. I know to make it to dinner I will need about 600 calories. They had beautiful sandwiches with piles of cheese and lunch meat that sat on half a loaf of artisian bread. They had candy and fried burgers and pizza....but there was no drama, there was no surprise, there was no suffering with the decision of what to get. I got the grilled chicken salad with tabouli. The decision had been made when I decided that this week there is no excuse or variation from hard core eating as planned. On a week where I decide on an indulgence it really isn't dramatic either, it is simply which thing do I feel like this time. But this week is hard core, with a hard core training schedule. So it is boring. No decision as to IF I will work out, only when and what workout that day. Will I HIIT running or bodyweight?

The cost, is actually the thing I have to remind myself about. I was told that it was easier to be fat earlier this week. I thought a lot about that. I believe that is a big fat lie. It is no easier to be fat than to be fit. The price, or effort, is just different.

When I was at max fat, I would avoid stairs, find reasons I couldn't go places where my weight would be noticable or make me uncomfortable, my back and knee started to hurt more often than not, and I did not want to look in the mirror. That was the price. All my effort was put into protecting myself from the truth that I was miserable. It was a lot of effort.

Now, while I still don't like to look at myself in the mirror YET, I work out a few times a week, stretch, and eat healthy food that I love, and feel better in about every way.

By just paying the price up front, I don't pay interest. Because all the mental gymnastics being at max fat was WAY more effort than what I am doing now.

Moment of Panic

Mon, 07 Jan 2013 17:35:53 GMT

My life, for the next month, will be dominated by getting a new house ready and moving into it in time for renters to get into my house on the agreed upon timeline.

Not panicing about that, I have plan A, B, C, and D. I will get to that point somehow. Probably mostly by spending all "free" time at the new house getting it ready.

It dawns on me that I have three weeks I will be gone out of 6, but still I am not paniced, I can get through this.

Then it occurs to me that I am only four months out from my Spartan Race. I will not have a meaningful "real" workout for the next week, and won't get to do the run training I had originally planned. First Spartan Race and unable to follow my training plan.

FULL ON PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But then I take a deep breath, remember that, "Fear knocked at the door, Action answered and found no one there."

Fear is always trumped by action. Thus a plan of action is necessary. I start putting the plan together and realize that I won't be finishing first place at the Spartan Race. Actually I wasn't planning of finishing first at the Spartan Race, my goal is just to finish. So I am right back at having the ability to achieve that same goal. I do realize I am going to have to get uncomfortable to get some training in. Probably going to have to do some early morning workouts.

But the bigger point is, I have massive stress in my daily life right now beyond normal activities and have to deal with things that come up daily. I have the perfect excuse to eat poorly as making time to cook is not always going to be an option. But let me tell you how many excuses I am going to accept from myself.......NONE.

I am going to find a way. I hope you will too.

If Nothing Else

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 14:47:18 GMT

I was reading about a plateau that a MFP friend is dealing with. And some of it resonates. Being stuck is not a pleasant way to spend your days.

But I realized a few things. First thing is, if I am not losing weight, I am not at a deficit. My responsibility to figure that out. But I think I figures out something way more important.

If nothing else changes I have lost, since my heaviest, 80 lbs. I am working out three times a week and being more active on top of the workouts than I was a year ago. Compared to three years ago I am in a place that I couldn't imagine reaching.

If nothing else, I have made some online friends, and some "real" friends here that I can message, email, call, text, and go visit. People that make my life richer and a better life to be lived. They encourage me when I need it, they push me when I lag, and they share my success in both fitness and in life.

If I don't lose a single pound more, if I do not improve my fitness at all, I will still do the work. Because I am much happier doing the work than I ever was on the couch. And when I am frustrated, I remember that.

New Year New Thoughts?

Mon, 31 Dec 2012 16:51:01 GMT

New Years eve. Lots of people are making resolutions and plans for the new year. New goals etc...etc....

I do not have new goals, but I have refined them.

When I started at MFP my goal was to lose weight. That hasn't changed but it has been refined. I don't want to lose a bunch of lean muscle. That means the loss may be slower. More strenght type training. I have found that High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) is a very good program for me to use as I can modify it to work on my weakness. (Notice I said, "use" not "follow" this is important.)

I have done a ton of reading and I have started to pay close attention to internal dialoge. I often talk to myself when I am working out, or when I am deciding what to eat. Usually it has been internal dialoge. I started saying out loud what was going on in my head. It is amazing how powerful the words sound when you actually say them.

One thing I found out about my training. I would try to motivate myself by thinking, "come on fat boy, push it." When you say it out loud, wow it sounds hateful. I now use my name instead of fat boy. I find when I say out loud, " I would like that cookie" I usually follow with, " but I am not hungry" or " but I would rather have (insert real food here)"

I found out during HIIT training, the biggest reason I did not do more reps during a work cycle was not because of physical limitations. I was letting the words in my mind sell me short and convince me that was the last rep I could do. This is still an area I struggle in, but being aware, I have been able to push through it and get an extra rep or two in a work cycle.

The point is the words we think are at least as powerful as the ones we say, and perhaps more powerful. Say some of the things you are thinking out loud. You might be surprised at what you are feeding yourself. Feed yourself good stuff mentally.

Some things that have worked for me:

"I can do one more" sometimes shortened to "one more" and then after that I say it again until I am out of time. This helps me focus on being in the moment and only worry about the one rep I need to do that is right in front of me. I will worry about the others when their turn comes.

"I know best" Often shortened to "I know" I use this when confronted by negative people. Not people trying to give me information, but people that want to feed me that garbage about how I am not going to accomplish or do what ever it is I am attempting. The people that want to suck the joy or accomplishment out of my life. Usually people that never have anything positive to say or believes the world is out to get them. I know better, I have done the research, I know I can!

One I love, that is not originally mine. I use it whenever I feel physical or emotional pain. I got it from Richard Machowicz who was a Navy SEAL and has been on TV hosting Future Weapons, has a few books out, and is a pretty impressive guy.

"Pain to Power" The pain I am experiencing will lead me to gain power.

I have heard them call power phrases, mantras, self talk, and a number of other names. But they are important.

So for the New Year, how about just cleaning up your inner dialog.

I can do one more.

I'll write you a note

Fri, 28 Dec 2012 13:45:56 GMT

Many of you reading this have seen me say it to people before. I will write you a note..... That note may be for different specifics on different days, but it comes down to a few basic ideas.

Whatever you did yesterday is done. Don't forget it; learn from it. If you did well or did poorly, learn the lesson and improve. Most of us develop routines and habits that we need to change to be who we want to be. Not just be at the weight we want to be at, but be the person we want to be.

I knew this holiday week would be difficult to navigate. But I have done well. Not perfect, but within my plan. Eat a few cookies, some chocolate, some of the food I don't normally eat. But portions and saying no to a lot of it. My big win was Christmas night. At a friends for dinner and cards after a day with the family. I had brussel sprouts, sweet potato, and a 5 bacon wrapped shrimp. I skipped all the other stuff. And I was very happy with that. Two years ago I would have eaten just to eat the delicious offerings that were there.

So whatever you have done before right now. That is who you were. You can use your actions the rest of the day, the rest of the week, the rest of the month, the rest of the year, the rest of your life to decide who you ARE.

Most of the baggage we have is because we won't simply set it down. The drama, the pain, the self-loathing, all the negative emotions that wear us down and wear us out. Then we convince ourselves that the rest of the day doesn't matter because we ate the entire 5lb bag of M&M's. Well it does matter and never again do you get off that easy.

The things you need to know about yourself.

You are worthy of love. Just as you are. Right now.

You don't have to be who you have been.

You are forgiven for all the past. You don't have to feel guilty or not good enough. You can set all the guilt and self-hate down outside your door, I will have it picked up and disposed of.

And, you are worthy of love. Just as you are. Right now.

I know I said you are worthy of love twice, but it is that important.

If you need, I can write you a note that says it is so.

Can't do it for you

Wed, 26 Dec 2012 15:52:27 GMT

Like most of my people on MFP and in life, I have some downer days. But I know, like most of my friends, that it is just a downer day and it will pass.

I realize we are all at different points and mindsets in our lives. We have different goals. I get that. Some people are just getting activity, any activity, back in thier lives, some are trying to figure out how to eat, NOT diet, but how to eat. Others are training for marathons and trying to figure out the next challenge. We are all over the place and that is awesome as we are able to support and learn from each other.

There are, however, a few that need to hear this:

I cannot do it for you.

I can support you, give you information, or help you find it. I can cheer and encourage. But if you do not actually stand up and take the steps to take a walk, pick up the weight, buy lean protein and veggies instead of pizza and chips, then things won't change. No matter what I do, nothing will change.

I am starting to think that people that just don't get started fall into one of two broad categories. Yes I realize the details will be different, but generally I have seen the following.

Those that try to "eat the elephant whole." They try to change everything about thier life in one day. Too much change all at once. They can't do it for long and then get discouraged and just give up. I have done that. I fell apart at least two or three times before I started changing things as I went. There are still weeks where I only get one or two workouts in. But that is better than none. There are days I eat too much. But now it is usually unprocessed food, and I usually eat under goal the next day or two because I am not really hungry. Positive, MAINTAINABLE, change. That is what we need to do. It won't all happen in a few days.

The upside to this person is that they at least try and try to encourage. At least they are in motion and can try to adjust goals and understanding.

The second is the person that wants the results in some abstract way or has the wrong motivation. They believe if they are at a specific weight everything else in life will be perfect. This is so vague, and unrealistic, that they never get started.

NOW LET ME BE CLEAR. I am talking about the individuals that complain about no results and how they just can't seem to reach goals and never really put in any effort or some token effort. If you are putting in a REAL effort and struggling, or NOT complaining, this is not you. These people don't seem to last long on my Friends list as I don't let it slide. I have friends struggling, and some that are not doing anything, but they don't complain. (I would love to be able to motivate them, but I know I cannot do it for them.) I am cool with that.

The problem is the second person eats up a lot of time and effort and emotional investment only to discover they want drama and attention and don't really want to have to change anything. They will use up your energy and emotion simply draining you. Don't let them. There are others out there that need you. That want to try, that want to be healthy like a drowning man wants air. You can NOT do it for them. If they don't want to put in the effort to do something, you cannot allow them to derail you. Don't let these toxins into your MFP system. Your mental well being is part of your health.

When I was thinking about all of this I came up with,

" Hope without action is a wish; Hope with action is a goal."

Make a great day!