Some notes and thoughts about the things I have learned in eighteen weeks on my journey:

• Weight loss status:
  • Starting weight 450+ lbs. - Current weight 379.0 lbs.
  • Last week I dropped to 382.0 lbs., a 1.0 lb. loss, for a 68.0 lbs. total loss.
  • This week I dropped to 379.0 lbs., a 3.0 lb. loss, for a 71.0 lbs. total loss.
• Another Tough Week, Mentally.
  • Last week I struggled quite a bit mentally.  I spent a lot of time questioning myself.
  • This week my mind went to an ever darker place, one of doubt.
  • Losing 70+ pounds is great, but it is still only 33% of what I need to lose to reach my goal - which really isn't my final destination anyway.
  • I really had a lot of doubt about ever getting to where I need to be simply because it is too far off.
  • I despise these feelings - I am not sure why they come about or how to make them stop.  These thoughts can bring on a sort of depression.  Thankfully it is short lived. 
  • I simply will not let it interfere with my decisions on what or how much I eat.
• Adjusting to a Slower Weight Loss.
  • I think my mind has been out of whack the past couple weeks in part because the scale isn't dropping like it was.
  • This had to happen eventually, and I need to understand that the fact that it isn't dropping as fast is a good thing - it means I am getting closer.
  • I also wonder what effect, if any, the strength training has played in my slower weight loss.  I need to do more research on this.
• Losing Weight and Dealing with Stress
  • This past few weeks have been very stressful, for a number of reasons, but mainly work related issues.
  • With multiple major projects on my plate, I don't see that changing anytime in the near future.
  • I wonder if stress played any part in what has been going through my mind the past couple weeks - doubt about what I was doing two weeks ago and doubt about ever finishing this week.
  • If I have learned anything over the last eighteen weeks it is that the human body is an amazing and complicated machine.  I would imagine the brain and how your mind works is even much more complicated.

* Note *

As I mentioned last week, I write the above points so later I can reflect on how I felt through this journey and how I dealt with these feelings.  I am not about to give up, or even slow down, I just want to be honest about how I felt this week.

Better food options.

One thing I am learning to enjoy is trying to improve my food choices.  While grocery shopping, I spend a lot of time reading labels and looking for better options.  A few more calories may also mean a lot more protein or less sodium. 

I am always looking for better food options that I will also enjoy eating.  It is somewhat exciting finding something that I may like which also fits nicely into my plan.  I never thought that would be the case.

Some things I thought/heard/read this week that helped me:

With a journey as long as the one I am on, it is easy to get caught up in the struggles and issues along the way.  I try very hard not to do that but the truth is it happens regardless of how hard I try. 

I am reminded of the quote by Alphonse Karr who said, "Some people grumble that roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses."

Sometimes I have to force myself to look at the bright side of things: Look at how far I have come instead of how far I have to go. Look at how much I can do instead of how much I can't. Look at how great I am doing now instead of how bad I was doing just four months ago.

Today I am grateful for weighing just 379 pounds not because it is a good weight to be at but because it isn't over 450 pounds and that is a great thing.