nothing is impossible, really.

I'm scared that this week's scale readings have been a fluke. I'm also scared that they aren't but by being scared I'm going to eff up and eat crap this weekend. This is what the scale has told me this week: 

• Monday 154.2
• Tuesday 153.8
• Wednesday 153.8
• Thursday 153.2
• Friday  153.8

EDIT---and by "March" I really mean "April" ... this goes to show how frazzled I am at the momenet... 

Monday was the official start of my Refocus after the moving/half marathon craziness. Today is Wednesday and here is the update thus far:

Diet 

• No crap eating on the weekends (stay at/under net calories) *COMPLETE*
• Record everything in diary BEFORE consuming it (i.e. plan ahead and actually eat what is in your polka-dot lunch box!) *COMPLETE*
• Eat 100+ g of protein a day *NOT ACHIEVED*
• Drink 120 oz. a day of water *COMPLETE*

Exercise  

• Monday- 4:30 am P90X strength training @ gym *NEGATIVE-SORE FROM MOVING*
• Tuesday- Speedwork or Tempo run (alternated each week) *COMPLETE*
• Wednesday- 5:15 am spinning @ gym *NEGATIVE-SORE FROM MOVING/STUDYING*
• Thursday- 4:30 am P90X strength training @ gym; pm Easy Run (~ 4 miles) *Will do this regardless of soreness!*
• Friday- Rest Day
• Saturday- Long Run
• Sunday- 11 am Yoga @ gym <--this is the one I need help with!!!

• Continue the Lunch-Walks on Mon *NOT DONE*, Wed *WILL DO*, and Fri
• Total Mileage: 25-35 miles (3.2 miles so far)

Last week I envisioned myself posting a blog titled: "I placed at the Hippity ROC (Run Over Cancer) Half Marathon this past weekend!!!" but you clearly can read the title above.

Friday was closing which went smoothly and we started moving little stuff Friday evening to the new house. I was cautious not to lift anything too heavy as to save my legs for the race. I made sure to set my race morning bag aside as to not have any race-morning glitches with the move. I chose a green tank after much deliberation on race-day attire in the hot Texas weather. I decided to forgo the sports bra only so bib placement would be one less thing to worry about. Green was the color since my race-day motto was: "I'm a lean, mean, racing (and moving) machine!" (Green...machine...it rhymes. I'm a poet and didn't even know-it!).

5:55 am Saturday Morning, my alarm goes off. I hit snooze and lay in bed for the next five minutes thinking of what I could possible write on here to tell my MFP friends why I didn't get out of bed and go race. I thought sure, moving to a brand new house is a perfectly acceptable excuse. Then that last word, "excuse" resonated in my head. Excuses. I frikin HATE excuses.

6:00 am alarm goes off again. "Get your ass out of bed" I commanded myself. So I got up and got all ready for the race. I was feeling much better after I ate breakfast and guzzled down several glasses of water. I hopped out of the door ready to PLACE at the race.

7:05 am. I'm still driving around trying to find the parking near the start line...i see the water stations so i know i'm close but my GPS fails me and takes me the LONG way to the race. I FINALLY found the lot and got a great warm up jog to the start line about 4 minutes before the start at 7:30 am.

7:27 am. Just as I was putting my race chip on, IT hit me, that sudden rumble in the tummy. At first i thought it was pre-race jitters. Then i stood up from my shoes and realized this was definitely NOT just butterflies, but rather an IMMEADIATE need for a porta-potty. IMMEADIATE. I start scanning for the little blue buildings. The bigger races im used to (Austin and Houston Marathons) have these porta-potties LINING the streets at the start line, but this race was a small community race with THREE (yes, 3) porta potties with huge lines about a 800 yards away from the start line. I looked at my watch, two minutes till go time. I looked at the line for the potties again and thought surely, there were others just a bit down the course. Surely.

7:30 am. The gun goes off and the race begins. I'm quite uncomfortable, but i just slow my breathing, adjust my outfit and start my Garmin. I tried to focus my thoughts on good things...my first run in shorts since my thighs no longer chafe, beautiful weather with a nice breeze, a smaller race that I CAN place at, my watch actually working for the first time this year during a race, and so on... I look down at this watch and see 14:04 for my pace....holey moely I'm not going to WIN at this pace so I pick it up and immediately my stomach protests. I'm franticlly looking for a port-a-john at this point and only see trees. I really considered just going in the trees. I mean really thought about it. I even dodged off to the side and pulled down my shorts, but then realized there were thorny bushes poking my butt and people could see me. Not good in such a nice neighborhood. Up the shorts went and I kept running.

FINALLY I saw the can at mile 1.5. I was doing a wiggle dance in the line and was willing myself NOT to go in my pants. The door opened, and at last I relieved myself. Whew!

I dashed out of the porta potty and settled into a nice sub-10 min/mile pace. From here on till mile 8 was I doing great. I had water at each station and I was enjoying my Cliff Shot Block strawberry energy chews. I really settled into a nice pace and was stedily passing people while enjoying the Texas scenery. I was covered in sweat and did feel a bit hot, but this was Texas in April and I just had to keep going.

About mile 9 my hip started bothering me so I paused to streak it out quickly. Big Mistake. This point was the turning point of the race. I started running immediately again but never settled back into my rhythm. My stomach wasn't bothering me anymore but I was SO incredibly thirsty. I know once you FEEL thirsty it is too late. Luckily the next water station was a half mile up so I told myself I'd just take extra cups of water, another chew, and some preventative Tylenol. All *should* go smoothly after that.

I approach the water station only to be told they are OUT OF CUPS! What?!?! How can this happen?!?! I stuck my head under the Gatorade cooler and got dizzy. Uh-oh! Bad sign, dehydration AND heat exhaustion. I did get a big enough sip to get the Tylenol down but not nearly enough to quench my thirst.

Onward I went but the exhaustion and thirst were getting the best of me. My mentality had changed...i started thinking about not eating adequate carbs the night before at my Mother-In-Law's birthday dinner. Then I blamed my tummy issue on the salad and steamed veggies i ate. I lost my focus on the purpose here and my running started to decline. I didnt feel comfortable and all i could think about was water. I had to take a walk break...something I NEVER do during a race. Then the negativity started taking over. "Why are you WALKING?!?! This is a Race! A race you could have won! You did 9 miles EASY-PEASY last weekend...we are only on mile 10...lets go! What happened to the lean-mean racing machine?!?!" But for some reason I could not will myself to run. Then i started thinking about my inability to motivate myself...something that was COMPLETELY foreign to me. I then thought about wanting to get home faster to start moving...this got me going.

I ran to the last water station and drank 3 cups of water....but it was too late at this point. My hands were shaking, my mouth was dry, I was out of energy chews, i had stopped sweating and felt cold. I walked the vast majority of miles 11 and 12. I was so down on myself during this whole bit of the race. My watch read 2:10 which was my goal time for this race. I was walking and i certainly was not done at this point. A woman with the Austin marathon shirt passed me and asked if i was okay (i was slightly favoring my left hip). I told her I was fine, but I really wanted to give her a sweaty hug and cry on her shoulder. I had so much going on this weekend and the one thing i had control over- my run- i blew. I didn’t hydrate and fuel myself properly. I messed up. My body failed me with diarrhea probably from stress. I was very angry at myself.

I turned the last corner and MADE myself run. Oh boy did it hurt. I felt crappy, literally like I was going to pass out. The voice in my head told me to just pass out so someone in a cart could take me to the finish line. But I pressed on and finished in 2:28:20. This is 8 min and 10 seconds slower than my most recent Austin PR. However, considering how much I walked this really isn’t bad and I could have defiantly met my 2:10 goal and then some, had I been feeling optimal.

I am glad that I got out of bed to race despite all that was going on this weekend. I really did the best I could considering the conditions and I learned an important lesson: even though I didn't meet my goal of placing or finishing in less than 2:10, I am not a failure. There will be another race. I may not PR at it even, but as long as I give my best that is all I can do. 

 P.S. The female winner ran a 1:35 half...so even if i had done my best, theres no way i'm sustaining 7:17/mile pace! 

"Do your best and forget the rest." ~ Tony Horton 

This week has brought about several significant changes in my life:

1. I got a full time offer from my company to be the Engineering Manager.

2. Mike and I are moving into our first home on Saturday and closing on Friday.

3. Graduation is just three short weeks away (I took my grad pictures this week...I can see light at the end of the tunnel)

So needless to say, I have been a bundle of stress. I have, however, NOT let any of these stressors become excuses to let my healthy lifestyle habits falter. It is taper week for my Half Marathon on Saturday (more on this in a bit) so my running volume is less but I'm still pushing it as planned. I have eaten well considering all of the necessiary work lunches and stress. I've been drinking TONS of water to combat the sodium. I have come such a long way considering that if I had this much crap going on in my life previously, the old-me would have eaten everything in site regardless of if I were actually hungry and I would have stopped exercising. Finals always have been an acceptable excuse for me to stop exercising, but they start next week and I'm still exercising and will continue to do so next week because I KNOW that when I exercise, I am more productive and alert which HELPS me with finals. 

So my normal routine will begin next week, just in a new house (YEA! new running routes to explore)! I really want to have my game plan in order so that I jump back on the weight-loss train. So here is the plan:

Diet 

• No crap eating on the weekends (stay at/under net calories)
• Record everything in diary BEFORE consuming it (i.e. plan ahead and actually eat what is in your polka-dot lunch box!)
• Eat 100+ g of protein a day
• Drink 120 oz. a day of water 

Exercise  

• Monday- 4:30 am P90X strength training @ gym 
• Tuesday- Speedwork or Tempo run (alternated each week)
• Wednesday- 5:15 am spinning @ gym
• Thursday- 4:30 am P90X strength training @ gym; pm Easy Run (~ 4 miles)
• Friday- Rest Day
• Saturday- Long Run
• Sunday- 11 am Yoga @ gym <--this is the one I need help with!!!

• Continue the Lunch-Walks on Mon, Wed, and Fri
• Total Mileage: 25-35 miles

Monday I started walking outside during my lunch breaks. I'm not sure why I started other than I felt bad for not waking up to exercise and I knew something was better than sitting on my bum during lunch. So Monday I walked around the River Oaks park 4 or 5 times (I'm bad about counting laps) and then Wednesday, I did the same thing. Today I had errands to run so walked them instead of taking my car.

Now, I live in Texas so I'm not sure how long I can sustain these when it gets really hot (its only like 80 now) and my co-workers start to complain about me stinking after lunch. But I'm just going to continue doing this until it gets unbarable. I have been walking in my heels but I think I will be brining extra shoes to change into rather than compromising my cute shoes.

I'm excited to see if this extra bit of activity during my day will help the scale any. I walked three times this week but next week I'm going to shoot for four times.

Today is my 180th consecutive day of logging into MFP. *EDIT: this blog could alternativaly be named: "Slow and Steady (SUCKS) but Wins the Race"*

As a recap for the first 90 days in comparison to the second 90 days, my exercise days and at/under net calorie days have both increased to 77% and 89% consecutively. I have lost 6 lbs since my last 90 day check in when i lost 8 lbs.

I am very proud of me focusing on exercising more frequrently and more intensely as well as eating at net calories most of the time. Both of these things have attributed to my weight loss.

Things that are holding me back from reaching my goals include eating sodium-laden meals on the weekend and getting lax on snacking. I have been "fudging" what I've been eating. Now, I do write everything down but it is usually AFTER i consume it and therefore I kind of estimate the portion so that it allows me to say with in my calorie limits rather than what I actually consumed. So, I will go back to measuring EVERYTHING and logging BEFORE I consume food so that I can make adjustments with what I'm consuming rather than what I record that I consummed. I am pleased with my success and committment to this healthy lifestyle and I will continue doing what is necessiary to keep the weight off and get rid of these last 15 lbs!

So my goals for July 12, 2011 (90 days from now) include:

• hit 145 lbs
• avoid sodium-binges on the weekends
• drink lots of water
• keep up the healthy habits

"Fear is what stops you... courage is what keeps you going." -Unknown

I am not afraid.

Well, today is Monday, April 11, 2011 which means I'm still alive and well after the FE exam! It was long and exhausting, but I finished it and I think I did well. I'll get my scores in 12 weeks and will let yall know how I did. I wasn't allowed my phone during the exam obviously, but I did check my messages and wall posts from yall during lunch and it gave me the extra push I needed to make it through the second 4 hour half of the exam. I appreciate all of your kindwords.

So this week I have no big exams, I don't have to start packing yet, and I only have two homework assiginments due. I'm so relieved to have a mini-break before finals and moving starts up the week after next. I will, however, stay current and get ahead with everything so that I'm not uber miserable later.  For those of you who know me, I have already made a chart with my to-do list for this week :-) It is spaced out reasonably and I'm not overwhelmed. 

 As for diet and exercise, last week I got in four work outs and was under my net calories each day. I consider this a victory, considering all the emotional crap I was experiencing. Now, this week I will start fresh and bring it! My scheduled work-outs include:

• Monday- 45 min walk during lunch (assuming it isnt raining, otherwise today is a rest day) *check mark*
• Tuesday- 10 mile run @ 9:09 pace. This is the run I was supposed to do yesterday BUT my husband's garmin wasn't charged and I didn't have a way to check my pace since my garmin is being excahnged at the moment. *check mark*
• Wednesday-  Gym at 5 am for Spin Class
• Thursday- Gym at 5 am to lift (P90X upper body) and 5 pm run around Rice (4.2 miles)
•  Friday- Gym at 5 am to lift (P90X legs and back)
•  Saturday- 5 mile Tempo Run (3 at 8:50/mile)
• Sunday- 11 am Yoga  

I just need to get this out, please excuse my whining/excuses/complaints/quirks/etc.

In gerneral, I am in thus funk, which i will specifically define shortly, due to one main reason: i'm not in control of ANYTHING! Clearly this bothers me. This funk includes being exhausted all the time, hungry, craving sugar (bleh, i HATE sugar thats not from fruti), grouchy, unmotivated, and sad in general. I attribue this to the specific following laundry list of stressors:

1. THE FE EXAM. THe fundamentals of engineering exam is this Saturday at 7:30 am and will cover all general engineering topics for 4 hours followed by 4 hours of environmental specific questions. I have had a very spread out engineering background and have been weak in the math area for most of my life. So my "Doubting Self" keeps sitting on my shoulder and telling me I cant do it. Well let me tell you something, Doubting Self: I CAN (and WILL) pass this test. I've put in the work and I am a smart cookie so get off my shoulder! As Tony says, do your best and forget the rest.

2. New House. I am SO excited to move into my first house with my hubby and our dog (Cali, a black rescued lab who has trouble keeping up with my 9 min/miles... more on that later). The house is brand new and i drive by it almost every other day because I'm so excited. Today, the carpet was installed. We close on the 22nd of April and then will move in that weekend (also April Half Marathon Weekend and Easter). Finals are the following week.

3. Finals the week after moving. So i'm going to have to study during move-in week and before. This is do-able i just have to suck it up and plan accordingly. After the FE, I'll have time to study and get these end-of-semester assiginments finalized. So far my grades are okay I just have to maintain them. Graduation in may then finishing up 2 last summer requiremtents are keeping me motivated.

4. Job. I had the discussion with my Boss on Wednesday, and things sound like they will be okay BUT the details aren't finalized yet and I really want to make sure I am valued appropiately in the offer they present. I really like working there and i hope they feel the same way about me. Also, planning out the house payments (and all the appliances, furniture, etc.) needed is diffuclt when i dont know what my salary will be.

5. Running. My next half marathon is April 23rd in north houston. I was all excited to enjoy this Easter run UNTIL I got the email from the Houston Marathon Committee. In order to get early admission to the houston marathon (which went lotto system last year- yes i luckly got in), I must run this half marathon in less than 2hours. I was all mentally set to hit a new pr but not by TWENTY minutes...i will do a test run on Sunday to see how many miles I can sustain a 9 min mile to see if this is possible. (Nan, I mean it...I'm using your mantra. Thank you!)

6. Weight loss. Yes its bothering me, i'm STUCK at 153. I know why...all the FRIKIN sodium I've been consuming. This will be the easiest of all to fix...no more eating out-its expensive!

7. Out of my exercise routine. I haven't been to the gym since early March...I need to fix this ASAP. I wont begin the excuses as to why, I will just go. Luckily, i have been running or i'd be in a complete depressed state by now. Damn you hormones/emotions!

8. My dog is unable to keep up with my during runs. I literally sat in bed crying the other night because she is getting old. I love my bubbas. Shes only 5 but she isnt able to run the 10+ miles like she used to. I cant imagine running with out my Cali (yup, i'm teary-eyed about now).

9. I got two speeding tickets (and in an accident) and had to pay for them with my Gucci/Louis Vuitton funds and I feel after buying this house and everything that it is wasteful to want a nice handbag when I reach 140 lbs. I've wanted a designer bag since high school but I feel kind of guilty spending $1300 on a bag. but i want it...ugh, i wish i was a boy sometimes.

10. I dont have enough time to golf. I'm watching the masters coverage as i type but it bothers me that i have school and work and whatever else to do on the weekends that takes me away from golfing. I WILL golf every weekend after graduation.

Thank you for reading my  emotional vomit. Getting it out makes me feel better in the morning usually (hopefully). Thank you again for all of your support. I really thought about yall when I laced up the shoes after work rather than going to sleep. I am going to bed early though so I can hopefully wake up.

Please keep me in your thoughts this month, I really need it! Thank you.

Love,

Cass

I still haven't gotten back into my routine so rather than waiting until Monday to "Start Over," I'm going to set goals for the rest of the week. 

Today: 

• Drink  144 oz of water (6 refills of the camelbak) **EDIT: complete**
• Eat ONLY what has been logged in food diary. **EDIT: offer lunch changed the plan but I still made good choices and adjusted the rest of my day accordingly**
• Push Up challenge Week 4 Day 1 **EDIT: Not Complete**

Thursday: 

• 4:30 am Morning work out @ the gym <Lift- P90X Legs and Back> **EDIT: Not done**
• Drink 144 oz of water **EDIT: complete**
• 5:30 pm Afternoon run around Rice (4.2 miles) **EDIT: complete**
• Stay under net calories **EDIT: complete**

One year ago today I joined MFP. After 365 days of learning how to eat healthy and of intense exercise, I am 31.6 lbs lighter. 

This is what I looked like a year ago. (184.6 lbs, Size 12)

This is what I look like now. (153.0 lbs, Size 6) 

Here are the things that faciliated this progress:

1. Tracking everything I put into my mouth on MPF. Through this I realized how many empty calories I was eating, how outrageously large my portions were, and how much sodium I was consuming.

2. Becoming a vegetarian. I never really liked meat before, but in August of 2010, I eliminated all meat from my diary. Since I needed to get adequate protein to compensate, I added many more nutritious things to my diary like cottage cheese, beans, spinach, and protein power. Becoming a vegetarian has caused me to eat cleaner and organic when possible. I do not eat processed foods any more and try to get natural things when I do eat at restaurants. *You do not need to be a vegetarian to be healthy...just focus on eating grass-fed beef, free-range chicken, and foods that are as close to natural (i.e. from the ground to your mouth) as possible*

3. Bringing it during work outs. I have always "exercised" but it wasn't until this year that I learnd what a "hard" work out really is.In previous years, I would train for my January race from August till Jan then I would not run from Feb-July...not running means gaining back weight since I ate like I was still running. Now that I have sustained my training by signing up for a race each month, my running has increased trementoudly (i'm about 2 minutes per mile faster than I was last year) and my overall physique has improved. This is also do to supplementing running with P90X and Yoga. I work out 6 days a week with one two-a-day typically.

4. I don't have "cheat" days but I do eat foods I love. Every once in a while I'll have a margarita, a glass of wine, or a piece of cake, but it is all in moderation and within my daily calorie limits. I DO eat all my exercise calories back because with the level of performance I expect from my body, I need to give it the fuel it needs. 

When i first joined MFP, my goal weight was 160 and I didn't even think that was possible. But at 153, I have no limits and I am very pleased with my progress to date. I still have another 13 lbs that I would like to lose so I will be focusing on that in the next several months. 

Nothing is impossible, really!