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Fat Pants

I remember when I retired my "fat pants". I was dropping a pants size just about every other month it seemed like! I pretty much cleaned out my entire pants drawer and threw them in a giveaway bag, since of course I'd never need them again. That was just uder 4 years ago now. And every year since it seems like I've gone up a pants size! I maintained the 150s for the first year. Then it crept into hte 160s, but I was weight-lifting so my clothes still fit. Then it crept into the 170s and I upgraded to size 10 pants. Now, I'm sitting miserably in the 180s, hating myself for it, and I just had to buy size 14P! WTF! Those were the sizes that I threw in the giveaway bag! Why am I paying good money to buy them again!

I've just lost my mojo lately. I was SO happy before when I was skinnier, more confidence, didn't feel self-conscious about how I looked. And now, I'm completely back to how I was before, freaking out in the mirror and inwardly cursing myself for doing this. Why the hell was it so easy the first time around! I just set my mind to it and did it! Now, I can't get more than a few days without screwing up. I've tried a bunch of different things too, but my schedule got busy and I have class once a week. And then the food temptations come in and I end up eating out. I honestly want to go back to being a diet hermit. Life was easy! Workout 6 days a week, almost never eating out, and I was happy. I love my boyfriend, but I've got to figure out what needs to change since good food and execise goes to crap on the weekends with him. 

I have to go home to Jersey for a wedding and I honestly didn't even want to. I'd hate for people to see me like 25 pounds heavier than I want to be. I'm still 30 pounds less than my heightest weight, but it's not enough. I gave up running, basically I let the exercise asthma win on that one. Maybe I need to give it another go. It made me really push and challenge myself, and I was at my lighest when I ran. I also need to prioritize weight training again. I love my workout classes, but I think I need to spend some more time working out on my own. I can still manage at least 1 or 2 classes a week. 

Sometimes I really just wonder if I am one of those people who are completely screwed by genetics. No matter what I did before, I could never get under 147 lbs, and 141 and under is a healthy weight for my height (5'2.5") If I slack off even a little bit, the weight comes back SO easily. It's fighting a constant battle that I don't really have the energy to fight every single day. I know my metabolism is incredibly slow, it doesn't help. I wonder if my Mirena is messing with my weight, it definitely made my acne come back. But I like it over the pill, so I'm not sure what to do.

I hate writing about my "woe is me" attitude, since my blogs used to be so inspirational! I don't know what happened. I don't want to drag everyone else down, but I guess everyone needs a pep talk on occasion. I think I need to take a good hard look at what I've been eating, doing, and not doing. I know my food choices have been bad lately, I've been eating out too much. That can be fixed. I need to make working out a priority, and get back into my Saturday morning workouts and going out on walks with Randy on Sundays, now that it's warming up. And I need to stop being a pity party of one! I can beat myself up all I want but its not helping. It just makes me depressed about it. So, please do me a favor and help give me a good kick in the butt when I'm being bad or need some encouragement. I'm going to log ALL my food for a while, even on the weekends. I need to see what I've been doing. This weekend is gonna be hard because I have to travel to Jersey for a wedding, so Sunday will probably be a challenge. That can be my first test of not going nuts in a tricky situation. Travel food + open bar + sitting in a car. But, at least on my way home, I'll be sitting in my new (sort of) 2013 Nissan Sentra! Whoot!

23 votes + -

15 comments:

twisted88 wrote 43 months ago:
You can do it! I'm in a similar boat and am having to re-restart again. This time I'm trying to set up a reward for maintaining self-control and following through with working out 3-5 days a week. I've told myself, that if I can do that for the next 8 weeks (with at least a 85% success rate) I can go ahead and splurge on some exercise equipment for the garage that's I've been eying for a couple years.
savvystephy wrote 43 months ago:
It happens. This shit is hard! I gained weight from work traveling and the inability to work out as much as I used to. I am now finally starting to lose weight again and feeling good about it. With such a busy schedule, diet is key. I am back to eating a mostly paleo diet and my body responds very well to that (with minor non-paleo indulgences a couple times a week). It is a lifestyle, and you have to find what works for you.
audram420 wrote 43 months ago:
Same here...I've yoyoed 3 times now! WE can do it!!
AggieCass09 wrote 43 months ago:
i love your "maybe its my genetics" comment. This was totally my excuse too...until I discovered the Whole30. I FEEL incredible and the weight comes off effortlessly. And when I"m busy, maintaining is easy even when i cant fall back on exercising. I've suggested it before, but I think you should give it a go: it is a 30 day shock to your system and you learn so much about the emotional ties to food that is a great foundation for life after the whole30. It will change your life (and get you back into your fit pants)
Allibaba wrote 43 months ago:
I really feel you. I saw 180 on the scale suddenly this week after being at 170-175 for a really long time. I think it is just a fluctuation but I know that I let things slide and I really feel it is so much harder to lose this time around. Boyfriends are great for a lot of things but tend to bring temptations as well. Mine is really supportive and everything but tends to still want to eat junk more than I would like to be a part of (and it is hard to sit and watch but sometimes I do). Just try to focus on healthy habits and it will all come together. Remember that you are still down 30lbs and that is nothing to sneeze at. Try to enjoy the wedding and not worry too much about your size as there is nothing you can do about it now, but once it is over you can work on yourself and the next time you see everyone you will Wow them again!
Bebubble wrote 43 months ago:
Make a LIFE change. Not a diet. Diets are temporary. You must change your life. Make those changes fit into your LIFE. So No extremes, No crash diets, No pills, No special foods. You have to live it every day. If you can not maintain it for a LONG time. It won't work. It has to manageable.
bobkat80 wrote 43 months ago:
I know what you mean about the fast food. My husband used to bring it home all the time and it was hard because I felt like I was wasting money by not eating it. Plus, he thought he was being nice by bringing some home for me too. I finally decided to not eat it if it put me over my calorie goal for the day. After a while I realized I could have more to eat if I just made my own food, so the fast food sat there and eventually got thrown away. Only then did my husband get it, and stop buying fast food for me. He still brings it home for himself, but at least he has stopped buying it for me.

As far as your pity party for one - everyone has them. Sometimes it's good to get it out because then you know what excuses your brain keeps telling you! Don't listen to them and concentrate on what you need to do. Listen to bebubble above. Make your changes your lifestyle and keep logging every day.

You can do it! Really, you can! Start today and don't look back!


kathleennf wrote 43 months ago:
Praying for you today as you are on that "weekend" trip! I second what bebubble said - for me what has worked is a lifestyle change not diet. MFP has helped immensely- and yes I log everything even weekends. In four years only two days I have not logged- Christmas Day the last two years. Logging everything is also real motivation to not nibble- like when I go to the grocery store on Saturday and all those people are there passing out bites of things to try. Nope- I would have to log it! Forget it! Haha. Hang in there!
LaNellAngerstein wrote 43 months ago:
Give running another try! Its truly wonderful for your lung capacity, metabolism, and overall fitness! :)

I have really bad asthma and allergies so what I do is small bursts of running/walking interval training.

Basicly, I walk as fast as I can for 2 minutes and then run as fast as I can for 2 minutes. Alternating for 10 minutes. Then, break. Typically, this burns about 100 calories at a distance of a mile.

(During the break, I will do resistance training like sit-ups/push-ups etc. for about 4-8 minutes.)

Usually, I break up my interval training (10 minutes run/walking) into 3 times a week instead of a large chunks per week (30 minutes run/walk with 3 breaks). That way, I still get about 30 minutes of solid high intensity cardio but it helps my motivation and makes me feel more like doing again b/c I didn't wear myself out too much & it doesn't take much time out of my day. Afterall, its only 10 minutes! Its over before you know it! :D

Good Luck! :3
12skipafew99100 wrote 43 months ago:
The thing that caught my attention is "back to basics". When I begin to faulter I have to look back at my diary and see what I was doing right. You got this!
dilleight wrote 43 months ago:
Yes I'm currently on the top of one of my many yo-yo cycles. It is pretty annoying but by the summer you could be loads closer to goal and feeling brill.
Hoppymom wrote 43 months ago:
Wow! I feel like you just wrote about my life. The first time it was a piece of cake (no pun intended). I gained back at least half of what I lost and can't get my food behavior back on track, nor my workout routine. It shouldn't be this hard! Best of luck to you. I hope your weekend went well.
boatsie77 wrote 43 months ago:
Sign up for a 5K run/walk a few weeks from now--and boyfriend too--and start training together.
prestonsnana wrote 43 months ago:
I totally understand, I have been using this mfp for years and lost over 40lbs, and now I am working 6 days a week and totally exhausted most of the time, also I have diverticulitis so I can't eat nuts, corn, anything with seeds so I feel I am very limited to "healthy diet" and I hate it !!!! I am at 207 right and 5ft 9in my lowest weight was 183 would love to get back there and actually get to 160-165 I just need to focus and find foods I can eat which is kind of hard as I dont eat seafood either. Best of luck to you and I know you can do it !!! Add me as a friend for support and I certainly can use it too :-) You are not alone !!!
ElisaGetsHealthy wrote 43 months ago:
Yes, we all go thru this...i was at my lightest in YEARS when I was running. I have since gained all plus some back. I went thru the same funk you are going thru and started slowly back by really watching my calorie intake. I am going to start back with walking a few times a week and slowly build back up to running, or in my case a slow jog. You can do it...just stay strong and work on one thing at a time, thinking of the whole picture can be overwhelming. You got this!!

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